Dear Diary

July 24, 2013

Friendship update.


I’m having lunch at a 1950s-themed diner with my friends Lula and John.* We order our food and Lula looks around. “This is so much like Ghost World,” she says.

“What?” says John, looking confused.

“You’ve never seen Ghost World?” I ask him, but it turns out to be more of a yell.

“No, I’m not weird like you two,” he says, smirking. He pours a dollop of ketchup into the palm of his hand, dips a finger into it, and draws a line of ketchup under each of his eyes.

Lula rolls her eyes. “You’re so lame,” she says. They just met, but they are already used to each other.

A new song comes on the jukebox and John extends his hand to me. “Care to dance?”

I laugh and take his hand and we get up and start slow-dancing to a fast-paced song. “I’m glad to be here,” he whispers, putting his head on my shoulder. We haven’t seen each other in two years, though we have been emailing each other as much as possible. He is in New York for a bit before he goes back home.

The song ends, and we sit back down just as our food arrives. “Did you have fun?” Lula says, staring pointedly at John.

“Shut up,” he mumbles. He grabs a fry, shoves it into his mouth, and chews furiously, his eyes focused on the condiments in the middle of the table.

Lula snorts, tapping the edge of her plate. “You’re so obvious, John.”

“I said shut up, Lula.”

“You guys, stop.” I hate when there is conflict between any of my friends.

They stop arguing, and we finish our meals mostly in silence. Later on, John walks me home.

“Well, bye, I guess,” I say, pulling my keys out of my bag.

“Wait,” he says. He grabs my hand. “Um…you know, what Lula was talking about earlier…she wasn’t wrong.”

“Oh. Um.”

“Yeah. I know. You don’t have to say anything, because this is probably really awkward for you, but I thought it made sense to tell you since I’m leaving in a week anyway. I’ve wanted to tell you for a while, but I thought it would be better in real life. It would mean more. So, yeah. Now you know. I hope you don’t hate me.”

I don’t know what to do. The thing is, I did like John for a few months, but I thought it was hopeless—because of the distance, but also because any time I’m infatuated with someone they don’t tend to like me back—so I gave up, and my feelings faded. Anyway, I need some time to mull this over. I wasted an entire year on a complete jerk in eighth grade and even if John is the opposite of that, I have to sort out my thoughts.

I tell him all this. I don’t want to, because I know how it feels when you pour your heart out to someone and they don’t feel the same way about you, but I let him know that I am not rejecting him, not crushing his feelings; I tell him that I care about him too much to lead him on, and that I really, truly still want to be friends with him.

He takes it well. “Well, thanks,” he says, grinning. “For, you know, everything. You’re a great person.” He kisses me on the cheek quickly and says, “I’ll email you later, OK?”

It’s funny how things can be so weird yet so great at the same time. ♦

* John’s name has been changed.


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  • Sophie ❤ July 24th, 2013 7:26 PM

    Naomi and Katherine- I’m so sad that I can’t read yours right now! As for Ruby and Britney, I feel you. Once again. I made a new friend. Weirdness. It’s all part of that daily topic, you know? Oh well. Loved these! And Katherine: I can’t wait to see yours!

    New blog in town that you can visit:

  • Kaetlebugg July 24th, 2013 7:33 PM

    I LOVE YOU ALL. Diaries are an art form and you three (as well as the other Rookie diarists!) are masters.

  • Tyknos93 July 24th, 2013 10:09 PM

    Just wanna say, Caitlin, your illustration is really beautiful this week!

  • Lola Witch July 25th, 2013 12:57 AM

    Congratulations on making a new friend Ruby!!!!

  • Jes July 25th, 2013 1:10 AM

    Katherine- Thank you for your piece on the Kardashians! It is rare that anyone ever gives the Kardashians the respect they deserve. Although I have to say, I disagree with your opinion on Kourtney. Khloé is obviously the best Kardashian sister :)

  • jessie77 July 25th, 2013 1:56 AM

    Caitlin- your picture is beautiful and stunning and mesmerizing and i soo know that feeling <3 <3

  • Graciexx July 25th, 2013 6:01 AM

    love caitlins!

  • Eileen July 25th, 2013 8:59 AM

    Ruby, heart heart heart.

  • Ella W July 25th, 2013 12:02 PM

    Caitlin’s illustration is brilliant this week! And I hope Naomi is back soon, I missed her diary today..
    Ella x

  • Imogen-Rose July 25th, 2013 2:06 PM

    Caitlin – I hope your next week is better!

    Katherine – I loved your entry. I also love the Kardashians, which no one in my family understands.

    Ruby – I’m so glad you’ve found someone you can really talk to! that’s a great feeling. I hope things will keep looking up for you from now on.

    Britney – You made the mature move, and I’m so proud of you, especially because I probably wouldn’t have. Maybe I should be more like you next time I have a hard decision to make. thank you.

    Great diaries this week! <3

  • abby111039 July 25th, 2013 5:47 PM

    Caitlin, I can whole-heartedly relate to how you’re feeling. Your illustration is beautiful and captures those emotions perfectly. I hope next week is better for you. <3

  • unicornconnect July 26th, 2013 10:13 PM

    ruby, oh my god this kid sounds cool!!!!

  • lizzyheinie July 27th, 2013 12:13 AM

    Can we just talk about Kim Kardashian for a minute, please?

    People always talk shit on Kim because she’s “only famous because she made a sex tape,” yes? How do these people not realize what an INCREDIBLE FEAT this is?

    I mean, come on people, she managed to make her ENTIRE EXTENDED FAMILY famous because she made a sex tape with a second rate R&B singer. Plenty of people make sex tapes. How many of their half-sisters can you name? Like can we just give Kim the credit she deserves because honestly you have to be a crazy sharp businesswoman to make that happen for yourself.

    /end rant/

    • GlitterKitty July 28th, 2013 11:18 AM

      You definitely have a point here. I never thought of it this way….. Wow…

  • mokgadi July 27th, 2013 12:42 PM

    Caitlin, your illustration’s amaze, I hope your next week’s a lot better though :)

  • Katie8797 August 10th, 2013 1:10 AM

    I think I’m the Scott Disick of Kourtney Kardashian of Kendall Jenners.