Fun

One Bloody Summer

A roundup of gruesome (no, seriously, consider yourself warned) seasonal injuries.

Illustration by Esme

Illustration by Esme

My cousin Christine had a giant trampoline, and it was beautiful. I walked into her backyard one hot July day and there it was—huge, enormous, a circle of springy black net shining glossily in the sun. It was the most gorgeous thing I had ever laid eyes on.

This was in the ’90s, and I was eight. I had never seen—or heard of—a giant trampoline before. Nobody had one yet; hers was the first in the neighborhood. I stood at the edge of it, the yellow pad along the rim pushing against my overall buttons, and slid my hands over the taut black surface. This was a good thing. It was warm. It was new. It vibrated slightly under my hands like something alive, something that wanted to be tested. We pulled ourselves up and jumped.

That was the summer I spent every day in the backyard with Christine, bouncing for hours. She and I had a singular goal in mind: We were trying to break our arms. Because, remember, injuries were cool when we were kids. Broken limbs were the height of chic. We had seen other kids walking around with their neon-pink or cool black casts, attracting swarms of looky-loos: How’d you do it? What happened? Can I sign it? Does it hurt? Is it true they saw it off and you have like a little shriveled mummy arm under there? Does it smell? We wanted that attention for ourselves.

Christine and I practiced double-bouncing, where one of us would land at the same time the other jumped so we could launch into the air way higher than usual. We set the sprinkler under the trampoline, slipping and sliding into the metal coils. We got five kids on there at once and played Push Me Off the Trampoline. We did somersault dismounts onto the grass—but to no avail. Every night, we’d go in for dinner, shaking our heads, saying, “Maybe tomorrow.” Not one limb was broken. Nobody got hurt no matter what we did. It was all very disappointing.

I didn’t have to wait too long, though. Summer lends itself to spectacular injuries, more than any other season, I believe. There are roofs to jump off of and into the pool, poison-ivy patches, swings, creeks that burble over slippery, algae-covered rocks, Rollerblades. There are hornets and spiders and fans with just enough space to stick a finger in. Speeding softballs and pricker bushes and biting ants and bikes—oh my lord, bikes.

Aside from that disappointing summer where I broke exactly no bones, it was a nonstop horror show. Over successive summers, I managed to break each of my arms twice (playing soccer, Rollerblading, on a different trampoline, and roughhousing outside with my dad—call my lawyer); dislocate my shoulder (showing the kids in the kindergarten class I taught how to jump through a hula hoop headfirst onto the grass); and finally break eight toes (kicking things, dropping heavy things on them, dismounting from swings barefoot), two ribs (bike and scooter accidents), and my nose (too embarassing).

And those were just bone injuries. We haven’t even scratched the surface (har har) of flesh wounds. When I was about 10 and living on the edge of endless Wisconsin cornfields, I ran barefoot outside one summer day and my foot landed on a short, thick, upright piece of straw that was still embedded in the ground. It went through the sole of my foot, between the bones, and came up cleanly through the top of my foot, as easily as a hot knife through butter. I hopped home, dumbfounded and shrieking for my mom, making a quick detour to show the neighbor kids, who were very impressed. I was a star. All the attention I could ever want—except once I was on the receiving end of it, I didn’t really want it anymore, because I was in pain.

But still, y’all, I’m a bit of a ghoul. I love, LOVE hearing about other people’s crazy injuries, so I asked the Rookie staff to tell me their most insane summertime how-I-got-hurt stories. And boy did they deliver. Heads up: If you don’t like hearing graphic, hilarious stories involving fishhooks and lawn mowers and screwdrivers, please read no further. Proceed at your own risk!

Emily V.
I grew up in the country, and when we were kids, my dad would take the blades the riding lawn mower and let us drive around on it. We called it the Attack Track. I was a panicky wheelman, so I usually let my sister drive and I would wedge in behind her. But one day, I was cruising around the backyard while she played on the swing set, and she yelled for me to drive under the monkey bars while she hung on to them with her arms and legs. We thought this was a fantastic idea for some reason, and so funny. We were laughing hysterically as I headed for the space right between the two ladders that held up the bars. Unfortunately, she was laughing so hard that she lost her grip and fell to the ground, and I was so freaked out that I ran right over her legs. I didn’t stop on top of her, thank goodness, and I immediately ran to find our parents. She was crying pretty hard. Within a couple of hours, massive tire-track bruises popped up all over her legs, and she was sore for a bit, but otherwise, she was fine! We were not allowed on the Attack Track for another month or so.

Julianne
A few Junes ago, I was voguing, and I dislocated my elbow whilst trying to do an impossible shablam in an underground dance venue in Brooklyn. It’s not recommended for amateurs, especially those wearing platform heels. As soon as it became clear that I was not going to make it happen, I instinctively stuck my right hand out to catch myself—and when I landed on it with most of my weight, my elbow dislocated AND POPPED OUT OF MY SKIN. I rolled onto my back and went into immediate shock, because the grotesque sight of the bone protruding from my flesh was more intense than the pain. It seemed unreal, so I lifted up my arm to double check that I was indeed injured so gruesomely (due diligence), and yep, I was. Someone called an ambulance, and once I got to the hospital it took a high dose of painkillers and seriously four different doctors to pop my arm back in. I spent that summer sweating profusely in a cast and typing with my left hand, and since New York City summers are torturously humid and disgusting, my arm looked like rotten chorizo by the time I took the cast off.

Gabby
I was spending the day at the local pool with my sister. She was 16 and going through a stage where she thought she was sooooo much cooler than me, and I was 11 and at a point where I wanted constant attention. So whenever we were in public together she’d pretend she didn’t know me. As she walked ahead of me down the concrete stairs leading to the pool area, I tried to catch up to her in my flip-flops and fell face-forward down the stairs as though they were a mountain and I was the sled. My chin scraped against the concrete so hard that it burst open. But my sister was so far ahead of me that she didn’t realize this and turned around at that moment to yell, “Get up! You’re embarrassing me!” But then I looked up and there was a stream of blood running down my neck and she didn’t know what to do. It was weirdly gratifying, like, “This is what you get for being too cool for your li’l sis.” Don’t worry, we’re pretty tight now, and the scar on my chin is barely visible.

Jessica
A squirrel fell out of a tree and into my bike basket once. We looked at each other and screamed, and then as it was running away, I ran over its neck with my bike. I was fine. Does this count?

Emma D.
One summer when I was about nine, I was so bored that I tried to curl my waist-long hair on a comb, because I thought there was no difference between that and a round brush. I wrapped my hair around it so tightly that it became a tangled nest, and the skin on my forehead was being pulled and stretched in an effort to yank it out. My parents had to remove the comb tooth by tooth. It took them more than an hour. One week later, my hair dangled into the kitchen mixer and got caught in it while it was on high speed. I keep my hair short these days.

Anna M.
It was the summer after I finished high school. I was 18. My mother and I were trying to move a big ol’ slice of oak tree from our neighbor’s backyard in Long Island. The tree had been cut down, and my mom wanted to make it into some kind of table. We moved about half a step before it fell on my foot. I was wearing hiking boots and heavy socks, but when I took off my boot, my foot was covered in blood. The weight of the oak tree had crunched my foot—”squished it like an orange,” in my mother’s words—and shattered my big toe into several pieces while breaking the other two next to it. The good thing that came out of it was I had to stay in the hospital for two nights with nothing but a Scrabble set, and so I made hella anagrams, and that is when I first realized that Anna Gabrielle Liu McConnell equals mingle alone in le carnal club. Oh yeah, also, when the doctor looked at my foot, there was white goop dribbling out of it, and I was like, “What’s that?” And the doc said, “Oh, that’s fat.” (I have fat toes.) The doctor removed it, so I think I’ve had liposuction.

Phoebe
You know how when you’re getting out of the ocean, you’re not supposed to look behind you, and instead take the opportunity to just run, run, run? I always looked behind me. I was once so paralyzed by the rising wall of water that I froze, and had to continually duck under wave after wave until a lifeguard came and rescued me. But this isn’t that story. This is about the time I was running through the sprinklers at my aunt’s house when I was 10. With sprinklers, I had the opposite problem: I was never able to face forward and look at the line of water as I jumped through. Instead I closed my eyes and looked away. These were old sprinklers that shot out of metal spikes on a bar attached to a hose, and the water rotated back and forth over one patch of yard, so all in all, I was pretty cowardly. One time, I jumped prematurely, and my foot caught on those spikes, which dragged down the sole of it. It looked like Freddy Krueger had just missed me, which (as a horror fan) is how I consoled myself—after I cried to my cousin and she bandaged my foot while gently criticizing my sprinkler-jumping form.

Petra
On the Rookie Road Trip last summer, I had a sinus infection that led to pink eye. Then one night my sister and I were throwing tampons at Tavi, and she peed, so I got super hyper and jumped up and down, and I dislocated my knee.

Rachael
I was playing in an old, decrepit playground with a friend the summer after first grade. We were messing around on an ancient wooden teeter-totter (aka seesaw). Instead of sitting on both ends like you’re supposed to, she sat on one end and I stood on the other side and tried to pulled the teeter-totter down with my arms. I slipped and fell, and she immediately jumped off to see if I was OK, which sent my end of the teeter-totter crashing down on my leg. I started screaming, and we lifted it up to discover that the back of my calf was covered in blood. It was pooling in my shoes. My parents bandaged me up and decided that since it looked like a clean wound, they wouldn’t traumatize me further with stitches. They should have, though, because that thing oozed for three days. And when we finally returned to the playground, we were horrified to discover what had caused it: There was an OLD RUSTY SCREW sticking out of the bottom of the teeter-totter seat. Luckily my tetanus vaccination was up to date, but I still have a huge round scar from it.

teeter-totter

Jessica
I forgot about the time I scratched my cornea on a sleeping-bag zipper nine years ago. I was touring with my band over the summer, and I was moving the sleeping bag around in our van. Then two minutes later, I scratched the other one on the tag of a sweater that I pulled on backwards. Five hours later, I went to the ER, where they put dye in my eyes that left brown-orange streaks down my whole face. They put a bandage over one eye, and I went to Walgreens in a borrowed ratty shirt to pick up an eye patch and a prescription. There, I ran into my ex-BF whom I had just dumped like two months before, and all he said was “Jesus” and walked away.

Amy Rose
I was visiting my uncle’s farm and he had a shitty makeshift zipline over a shallow creek that nobody swam in. I fell off, and an old screwdriver in the water (?) cut a gash about four inches long in my calf. We washed off the blood with a hose next to a pigpen.

Lauren R.
When I was six, I was fishing off a dock near my family’s boat, and I pulled my rod back to cast my line, so it went flying behind me. Little did I know, at just that moment, my BFF’s older sister turned a corner and was walking directly behind me. The hook landed about a millimeter from her eyeball, and hooked her lower eyelid. I HOOKED HER IN THE EYE. There was screaming, crying. Some old fishermen came running and tried to remove the hook, with no luck. And then we went to the ER. The hook was removed successfully and her parents never let her come to the boat again.

 

There’s only one conclusion to be drawn from this round-up of summer injury horror stories: STAY INSIDE. Just kidding. Go have fun! Summer is just waiting to sink its hooks into you. ♦

55 Comments

  • Sophie ❤ June 5th, 2013 3:05 PM

    Oh gosh, Rookie, I loved this combination of summer tales! They were a great thing to read, and a nice change from the last week or so. Thanks, Rookie, for posting this! (P.S.: I loved the first “tale”!)

    -Sophie

    http://plainlysophie.com

  • elliecp June 5th, 2013 3:11 PM

    Oh my god, some of these sound horrible! Luckily I’ve never injured myself too madly (touch wood) but I did dislocate my elbow by falling off a sofa when I was two. True story.

    http://roseandvintage.blogspot.com/

  • izzybee June 5th, 2013 3:22 PM

    omg these make my summers sound so boring

  • Ting June 5th, 2013 3:29 PM

    I started laughing so hard at Petra’s story that I may have peed a little.
    A lot of these stories remind me of things that would happen to me.
    Great idea!

  • Pocket Cow June 5th, 2013 3:32 PM

    At our old house there was a swingset right next to the woods, and I was having fun jumping off of the swing and cannonballing into a bush. Yes, actually landing in cannonball form into a large bush. However, when my sister tried to do it because she wanted to be cool like her big sister, obvs, she didn’t get enough air and landed, still in cannonball position like a champ, with all of her body weight onto her arm. She had somehow managed to land arm-first onto a tree root and broke her arm. She blames me for it.

    On my end, my friend was pushing me around on our home-made go cart made from our old stroller, and lost control and let go, sending me flying at full speed into a rose bush. It really hurt, and I got a rose thorn embedded in my thumb that my thumb just absorbed and it never came out…

  • Lorelei June 5th, 2013 3:51 PM

    I laughed out loud, alone in my living room, after reading Jessica’s about the squirrel.

  • Abby June 5th, 2013 3:54 PM

    One time my sister caught our baby sitter’s son in the arm with a fish hook. He is forever awesome, because when my sister didn’t notice, he just said, calmly, “Caitlin, stop pulling.” When she proceeded to freak out he told her it was okay, that it wasn’t her fault, and to get his knife out of his back pocket. She did, and he cut the line, and pushed the hook the rest of the way through his arm and out. He wrapped up his arm with a handkerchief. And then he proceeded with his fishing. I was beyond amazed haha.

    Also, this isn’t a gruesome injury, but I wanted to share the lame way I got it. In 8th grade, I was on vacation to Canada, and on the first day I tripped on the curb of the sidewalk and fell, and broke my wrist. Probably the stupidest injury anyone has ever gotten ha.

    • Abby June 5th, 2013 3:55 PM

      ALSO ALSO, this is an amazing article, because I love gruesome, funny, and dumb injury stories.

  • indaslicht June 5th, 2013 4:01 PM

    i have a story of my own to tell:
    once upon a time i was seven years old & living in a compound that was literally in the middle of the desert. the ~compound people~ decided the sand was ugly so they started to renovate the place by digging ditches for pipes and planting grass & all that fun stuff. when The Accident happened they had already dug a bunch of ditches in the hard sand and i fell in one of them. i was happily skipping along the sidewalk when i saw two sticks with a rope in between to mark the beginning of one of the ditches, so of course my seven-year-old self thought ‘i’m going to swing on that!!! what a GREAT IDEA!’ and so i did. i slipped and landed in the ditch, of which the depth was about my height, minus my head. i somehow landed standing up, with my head jutting out from the edge of the ditch, scraping my face all over it, and my chin started to gush blood. obviously i was a really smart kid, and due to my smartness i still have a scar from that incident. ☆

  • MaddieMae June 5th, 2013 4:13 PM

    HAH, oh my gosh, the stories from Jessica and Petra made me cry! They actually sound really terrifying, but I was laughing really hard!

  • Aurora June 5th, 2013 4:17 PM

    One time, I was riding a four wheeler. I was about ten, and that day was super important to me because it was the first time I was to drive the four wheeler by myself. I took a turn really hard and got thrown off. The four wheeler just kind of stopped, and I flew into a tree. I was like a mile and a half from the house, so I just had to lie there screaming. It was scary, but I just got a bruised hip and a lot of soreness out of it, thankfully.

  • Hibawot June 5th, 2013 4:41 PM

    Ah I love this. I’m starting to theme my own blog too and I’m really excited for my month of “On the Road” with just roadtrips and playlists and journalling

    http://www.filleosophie.blogspot.com

  • Melissa @ WildFlowerChild June 5th, 2013 4:44 PM

    Oh wow, these are a lot to deal with. My stomach is a bit queasy, but I just couldn’t stop myself from reading!
    I think the worst injury I’ve sustained was when I fell off my bike (never ride a bike with flip flops on…seriously), and scraped my elbow so badly that I could see something white (bone, flesh, who knows). I totally should have gone to the er..but didn’t, and now I have a scar there.
    I also broke my toe less than toe months ago when I dropped a table on it. That was fun.

    Melissa
    http://wildflwrchild.blogspot.com

  • Mary the freak June 5th, 2013 5:01 PM

    THIS WAS THE COOLEST ARTICLE EVER. i love hearing about injuries although i can’t see blood, i’m weird.

    http://birdiewearsatie.blogspot.com/

  • LittleMissE June 5th, 2013 5:08 PM

    A few summers ago I was on the rope swing in our front yard, pretending to be Jake Gyllenhaal in Prince of Persia. I took a running leap, swung way up high, jumped off, landed face-first in the grass, and broke my arm. Fun stuff.

    Lesson learned: Jake Gyllenhaal makes a better Prince of Persia than a scrawny eleven-year-old girl on a rope swing.

  • KatGirl June 5th, 2013 5:23 PM

    These are really gross, but funny. On the NIGHT BEFORE MY BIRTHDAY last summer, I fell out of my bed onto my face and my front tooth went through my lip. The next day my teeth hurt so much I could hardly eat my birthday food, and the front one sort of changed colour, too. o___O

  • Ermy June 5th, 2013 5:34 PM

    Pocket Cow, I do not know you but your username has led me to believe we are soul sisters.

  • flocha June 5th, 2013 5:50 PM

    When I was about seven we had a rope swing next to our trampoline, and one summer my brother convinced me it would be a good idea if he jumped off the trampoline on the swing while my foot was tied to the end of it. Needless to say, the outcome wasn’t pretty.

    http://www.whimsicalprocrastination.blogspot.co.uk/

  • Pearl A. June 5th, 2013 5:54 PM

    Jessica’s squirrel tale made me make a noise like I was coughing up water. I don’t know whether to laugh or to sob.
    All my worst injuries happen during the winter rather than the summer, about two years ago I got concussion after falling backwards while ice skating on a lake and hitting my head, and not even two weeks later I skinned my knee and broke my little finger slipping over a kerb, I didn’t get any sympathy though because I was wearing tights and kitten heels that were like 3 sizes too big.

  • Princess Mononoke June 5th, 2013 6:01 PM

    Oh my god, you guys. I think everyone has a few summer horror stories. P. S. Krista, I know how you broke your nose ;~)

  • Amy Rose June 5th, 2013 6:35 PM

    AHAHAH PETRA

  • Amy Rose June 5th, 2013 6:45 PM

    MINGLE IN LE CARNAL CLUB

  • amyhodkin June 5th, 2013 6:46 PM

    oh wow these made me feel so woozy haha :(
    The squirrel story is a little weird… poor thing!

  • Yayo June 5th, 2013 6:55 PM

    Why are these so funny?
    I’m literally pissing myself at Attack Track.

    There is this huge hill in my town’s park that kids hang out on after school in summer. When we were 11 my friend Kim dared me to cartwheel down the tiny path on the steepest side; clearly, an excellent idea. Mid-cartwheel I put my hand on a thorn, and lifted it up, falling on my head then rolling 50m through a bed of nettles – bare arms and legs.
    I walked home radiating heat from my thousands of stings.

  • catpower44 June 5th, 2013 6:56 PM

    When I was nine, we were over at friend’s for dinner, and I was swinging on their swingset. I kept getting higher and higher, and then I thought I would look really cool if I could swing with no hands, so I then proceeded to take my hands off the handles. The next thing I knew, I was face first on the ground, and my teeth were bleeding. Thankfully I didn’t loose any teeth, but my mouth hurt for a few days.

    Also, every summer at my cottage, it seems that I get monster splinters, and our dock is really old. Last year, I got one so big that I couldn’t walk on that foot. It took forever to take it out because I wouldn’t let anyone near my foot with tweezers or a needle.

  • rubyredroses June 5th, 2013 7:11 PM

    this isnt exactly about this article… i feel kinda stupid saying this but i had some questions about style stuff. i wasnt sure if i should email some rookie email thingy with the questions or if i should say them on here…? haha oh god. i feel so stupid. i dont even know if anyone will see this. ahh im so bad with technology. CAN WE JUST GO BACK TO SIMPLER TIMES.

  • Anya N. June 5th, 2013 7:28 PM

    A year ago this Friday, my friends and I were on the field during gym, and our unit was on golf. Except since there was only a week of school left, they didn’t bother to teach us anything and left golf clubs out on the field for kids to use if they felt like it. (GREAT IDEA! I go to public school…) Well, my friend actually KNOWS how to golf and construct a proper swing, and we were taking turns. I stood a little too close to her and as the club came up it hit me in the head. Very hard. The club was a wedge. I had a laceration starting right above my left eye/the beginning of my eyebrow to the middle of my forehead. There was a ton of blood and screaming. I went to the ER, waited 5 HOURS and a plastic surgeon put 22 stitches into my head. My friend couldn’t talk to me for a while afterwards because she felt too guilty! We’re all good now, but I still have a scar.

  • maddie123 June 5th, 2013 8:22 PM

    My sister was riding her bike to her friends house, and she literally popped a wheely with it by accident and the bike basically flipped backwards, so naturally, she tossed her arm back to break her fall, but she broke her arm. Oh, yeah, and it was ON HER BIRTHDAY.

  • hufflepuffie June 5th, 2013 8:55 PM

    One summer when I was going into 3rd or 4th grade, it must have been early on during the summer, I was helping my mom put the dishes away and she handed me this big heavy purple lasagna pan and I didn’t have a good grip on it when she let go. So it fell, and I jumped back and it shattered every where. We went to clean it up when my dad noticed that there was blood running down my leg pretty bad. It turns out a large piece had cut my knee about an inch across in the middle. I had to be taken to the ER. It didn’t hurt, but I was so scared I just cried the whole time. The hospital must have been busy or something so we had to move across the street to a pediatrician doctor, where it took three grown men to hold down my knee and a Highlights magazine to get stitches in me. I had to wear this big purple wrap around my knee for what seemed like weeks and had to shower with my leg elevated and I remember sitting on my couch with a coloring book for EVER.
    There are of course several more stories from summer injuries, but that one was the first that popped into my head.

  • Parmenides June 5th, 2013 10:18 PM

    About this time last year I was skateboarding in the kitchen… Yes you read correctly. Anyway I was about to crash into a wall, so I fell off and tore the ligaments on both sides of my foot. It was awkward telling people how it happened when i arrived at school in a cast….

  • fromanotherearth June 5th, 2013 10:28 PM

    ok this didn’t lead to injury but when i was like 5 i had a pretty traumatizing experience. our town had just built a new ~big kid~ pool that was 7 ft deep and it was empty (like no water in it) and all these cool kids were playing in it and even though i was really young i was down there too. BUT i couldn’t get out like i was so small i couldn’t reach the those slits made into the wall to act as foot placements so they had to use a ladder to get me out.

  • kathryn-s June 5th, 2013 11:24 PM

    I wish I could read all of these, but I had to just quickly skim through because I am a complete baby and am still cringing about the straw through the foot.

  • Moonshoes June 6th, 2013 12:43 AM

    Once a glass shower door shattered completely on me… but that doesn’t compare to any of these injuries! ouch!

    http://fairlyodds.blogspot.com/

  • reginageorge June 6th, 2013 1:49 AM

    Most of these are funny, except for the squirrel one. I hope that wasn’t intentional. :/

  • sungiant June 6th, 2013 2:23 AM

    omg jessica and petra!!!!!!!!

  • wallflower152 June 6th, 2013 10:44 AM

    These are awesome. I read the comments too.

    When I was 10 my cousin hit me on the bridge of my nose with a golf club. We weren’t playing golf, we were playing in a creek. She swung at the water to splash my sister and I was standing too close behind her. It was bleeding like a nosebleed and bleeding from the cut. I went to the Dr and they used some kinda skin glue instead of stitches. I still have a little scar and my nose has a bump where the bone healed over. I broke my arm once too or at least I’m pretty sure I did. We were too poor to go to the ER, I was sad cuz I always wanted a cool neon cast for people to sign.

  • Sophii June 6th, 2013 11:32 AM

    I love this. I always find it fascinating hearing about other people’s injuries. I LOVE telling people about mine. Sometimes I feel like it turns into a bit of a competition!
    Last summer I fell over on a stony path and my chin, arm and knee were bleeding a lot. It would have been alright, only I had work experience at the local newspaper starting the next day. I had to go in with a huge scab on my chin and cuts all the way up my arm. People kept telling me that I had something stuck to my chin and I had to explain :(
    Another thing I love about injuries is that they can be so funny when you look back and think about what happened!

    http://thechicmuse000.blogspot.co.uk
    http://sophiewilsonsbooks.blogspot.co.uk

  • cole123 June 6th, 2013 12:06 PM

    This reminded me of the old trampoline I used to have. It was second hand when we got it so it already had like three holes in it, no padding AND no net around it. It was awesome! I think we got like 20 people onto it at one point. We used it until it collapsed. Their was only ever one injury from it (surprisingly). My cousin was trying to do a flip on the trampoline and ended up landing on the ground… on his back! It looked really painful but luckily he was ok!

    ~Colette~

  • raggedyanarchy June 6th, 2013 1:37 PM

    The summer when my friend was like five, she was jumping on her bed and pretending to be Buzz Lightyear. She leaped from her bed, proclaiming “INFINITY AND BEYOND!” and collapsed onto the floor, because she is not Buzz Lightyear. She fell on her arm, and literally shattered the bone. Like, there were little bone shards sticking through her skin.

    That same summer I was playing in my yard with one of those automatic lawn-chair thingies, because I was a weird child. I had just managed to pry it open when pop! It snapped on my right hand and opened this huge gash on my palm. I was crying because it hurt but also a little proud because injuries are cool. I was a little dissapointed when my dad said it didn’t need stitches, though, because stitches would have been fun to brag about. I still have a long white scar on my palm.

  • Taffy June 6th, 2013 2:21 PM

    Oh I have had so many summer injuries. My favorite(?) happened when I was about 11 visiting my family in New Mexico. My cousin was on her bike and I borrowed her razor scooter. I took off before her and since I was alone zooming along I decided to sing at the top of my lungs. A short ways down the block I hit a sand patch and got cut up pretty much everywhere. We snuck back in and she bandaged me up with 101 Dalmatian Band-aids in the bathroom (she assured me that she knew what she was doing since her mom is a doctor). Later we went to Cliff’s Amusement Park where we went on one of those rides that spins one way and the seats also spin. The force of the spinning sent her sliding across the seat into my injured arm and leg. There is also a great picture of me, from later in the trip, soaking wet and miserable from getting chlorine water in my fresh cuts.

  • hollysh June 6th, 2013 3:42 PM

    this is incredibly timely, as i just fell off a skateboard and split my eyebrow! injuries forever!!!

  • Kourtney June 6th, 2013 5:54 PM

    Reading all of these made me laugh and was exactly what I needed!!

    I don’t remember how old I was exactly, but my cousin was living in his old apartment which meant that this happened a pretty long time ago. Anyway, me, my brother, my cousin, and our moms got out of my cousin’ mom’s car after shopping or something. I got out before my mom did and felt the door frame with one hand. I was a weird kid back then and felt that if I did something with one hand, I had to do it with the other. So after my mom got out of car, I felt the door frame on her door. Before I took my hand out, my mom slammed the door right on my fingers!! I WAS SCREAMING. My mom was screaming. There was screaming and chaos. I vaguely remember my brother and cousin just standing there watching. My mom opened the door and I took my hand out and looked at my dented fingers. My mom wanted to take me to the hospital but I told her I was fine with just crying in her arms. My fingers look completely normal now. Even the swelling on my pinkies have gone throughout the years from other finger-caught-in-door accidents. Great article though!!! I loved it :)

    • Kourtney June 6th, 2013 5:57 PM

      Oh, and I’ll be giggling and thinking of Jessica’s squirrel tale even as I go to bed tonight.

  • ♡ reba ♡ June 6th, 2013 6:33 PM

    whilst reading this i could feel all of my summer-scars tingling in empathy

    once i ripped all the skin and fleshy stuff off of my knee, ALMOST to the bone, when i was fighting over a balloon with two of my friends

  • Nicole June 6th, 2013 8:47 PM

    i’m rocking back and forth quietly singing the indoors song from spongebob reading all of these, oh god
    one time i was at my aunt’s house for a party, playing princesses with a bunch of other girls in a treehouse that was about 10-20 ft up (i’m actually not sure how high up it was exactly but it felt like a frickin SKYSCRAPER), very cramped with a horde of 4’0″ girls all crammed in, and had this big square opening (conveniently located in the corner) that lead to a steep ladder. we all sorta tried to keep it in mind that there was this huge hole in the floor, but i ended up really getting into the melodramatic princess LARPing and suddenly found myself on the ground with a stick stabbing into my upper thigh. i got the wind knocked out of me so it took a second between impact and inevitable horrible screeching, and then i was not impressed with the reaction time between the horrible screeching and the adults on the porch coming to my aid. luckily it wasn’t that bad, but i have this big-ish scar that i showed off to my brownie girl scout troop later. my uncle STILL makes jokes about putting a mattress under the tree house

    • Nicole June 6th, 2013 8:56 PM

      the only other X-TREME injury i’ve had is when i was learning to ride my bike (at 13) and tried to stop from running into my little sister by calmly pedaling backward to brake. instead i panicked, pedaled forward really fast, and flew over the handlebars onto a dirt road. i got scrapes all on my palms, wrists and knees, and when my mom rushed me into the bathroom to clean my wounds, i told her how it didn’t hurt when i put my palms under the faucet before promptly passing out for a few seconds against the wall (sliding down and taking out a nightlight with my ass in the process). i surprisingly don’t have any scars from this

  • diniada13 June 7th, 2013 11:33 AM

    Petra I almost choked on my own spit and omg squirrels and displaced shoulders this makes my summer seems very boring you could just sleep through it

  • amescs June 8th, 2013 4:47 PM

    I loved this article oh my god. A couple of summers ago, I was at my auntie’s house in France. She had a pool, and an inflatable whale toy for it. Me and my little sister loved it. One day, I went into the garage to retrieve it and saw that it was leaning against a shelf. As I pulled at the whale, the shelf collapsed, which knocked a shelf that was hanging from the ceiling by hooks over my head, off the hooks and onto my head. I can’t really remember the pain, but more the shock of seeing blood streaming down my cheek from my skull. I ran to my family and then me and my mum casually walked to the doctor that was 2 minutes away, blood still streaming. I was given stitches and just before I left, the jolly French doctor gave me a kiss on each cheek and a handful of wrapped up candies.

  • Paprika June 9th, 2013 2:38 PM

    I’ve never broken any bones, but I have tons of flesh wound stories.
    When I was 4 years old I ran through a glass door ( it was transparent so I didn’t know it was in my way). The door completely shattered, but I escaped with only a few cuts on my arm, I still have little sliver shaped scars.

  • ladyamirno June 10th, 2013 8:50 AM

    This article is amazing !
    I laughed so hard at the squirrel story, enven though it makes me sad for the poor thing.

    Two years ago I was playing in the garden with my dog, chasing him and I was so focused on him that I didn’t see the chair in front of me, and I obviously ran into it head first. I ended up with a bloody eyebrow and a really badass scar !

  • daisyauthority June 12th, 2013 11:30 PM

    I loved this! It’s like I’ve been waiting for this article. I always feel like I hurt myself literally every single day, whether it’s something small, like skinning my foot slightly while trying to make the jump from the curb or something big like chipping my front tooth (the same one TWICE) and spraining my finger (the same one TWICE). I am a perpetual klutz and proud of it.
    Emily, I give you my InterWebzEmpathy. A few weeks ago, I bent down while helping my mom shred some papers. and small chunk of my hair got pulled out. We had to cut it out of the shredder. I’ll spend the next few months trying to grow it out.

    • daisyauthority June 12th, 2013 11:35 PM

      Did I mention stabbing myself in my toe. (accidentaly). To this day, I’m still not sure how this happened.