Every once and a while my dad does something that’s absolutely game changing, and the earth holds its breath for a second. This week it happened while he was hanging out in my room with my brother and me. We were all on my bed, snuggling and talking, when my dad started tugging at bits of my brother’s hair and being all, “Rafael. Rafaeeell… Rafael?” (We don’t know a Rafael.) He also keeps on asking me if I want to ride bikes or swim laps with him. I always say no, and then he looks really disappointed in this way that is really cute and important. The other day I told him that riding bikes makes me nervous and that I can’t swim laps because I take in too much water and hate it, and now I’m afraid that I’ve screwed up literally EVERYTHING because he might stop asking me every day, and if that happens I’ll be devastated. Like, watching Carrie Bradshaw cry devastated.
Also a big deal was that I did something crazy and got into my two top schools as of Friday. WHOOPS. This wasn’t supposed to happen! One was supposed to deny me, thus deciding my fate. Now I have to choose pretty much right away, and I have no idea what to do. My parents keep on asking me what my decision is and I keep saying that I’ll have to make a pro/con list. I know that won’t help because I’ve been going over the pros and cons for weeks and have no way to weigh them. “What’s a deciding factor for you?” my dad keeps on asking me. I usually just shrug, pour a glass of milk, and go upstairs to my room. I know this is a good problem to have. But I did such a bad job of choosing my last school, which was a literal NIGHTMARE, that I no longer trust myself with these decisions.
I just want to go somewhere where, when I’m talking to someone, if I say something SLIGHTLY surprising, they don’t say “you’re weird” and end the conversation. It happened all the time in class last year and with people in high school. People would ask if I was on drugs, which I am not, and as much as I wish I could claim the label of rebellious eccentric, I’m a big hit with people’s moms and with random nurses in hospitals, so I can’t be that weird. ♦