Dear Diary

June 26, 2013

The end of the school year didn’t come soon enough.

Ruby

The exam room is so quiet that I can hear the second hand counting down. I handed in my Chinese final half an hour ago and I have to sit in silence until two o’clock. That’s 15 minutes away. I can’t even imagine the person I will be in 15 minutes. Some of the room is still working, other people are also staring intently at the clock or scribbling on their desks or trying to text subtly without the proctor’s noticing.

My mind is absolutely blank. I feel like I’m in limbo, waiting. I am underground, traveling up, and I don’t know what will happen when I surface. The clock keeps ticking but no matter how many times the smallest red hand goes around, the other ones don’t seem to budge.

My phone rings. I mindlessly answer.

“Hey, Ruby! Guess what?”

“What?”

“We’re all done, that’s what! Where are you?”

I realize that it’s Sam. “I’m actually in the middle of an exam right now,” I say, suddenly realizing the people around me staring at me with disbelief. The proctor doesn’t seem to notice. “Yeah, people are starting to stare, I’ll call you back,” I say.

“OK, uh, bye.”

And then it is two o’clock.

There is no bell. The proctor just lets us go. I step through the doorway, through the hall. I begin to run. My skirt begins to sail behind me, and then my hair. My feet are flying, no longer touching the ground. My normally heavy boots are full of helium as I soar through the hallways at unimaginable speed, past the cheering and flying papers and hugging and yearbook-signings. I can feel my worries pouring out of my chest with every stride. Some jockish junior jokingly steps in front of me, grinning at his friends, and I crash into him. I shove them out of the way with a burst of sudden strength. I continue to run.

I burst through the doors.

The sky is bright and crystal clear. It is hot outside. I can breathe. I can finally breathe. I have left hell. The school year is over. I made it. I survived and I can have a break. I get to have a break from all this. I begin to cry. This is the happiest moment of my life. ♦

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19 Comments

  • soviet_kitsch June 26th, 2013 7:12 PM

    ruby, i love your entries. you are beautiful.

  • Bex_cygnet June 26th, 2013 8:33 PM

    Naomi, I registered just to pass on how poignant and relatable I find your entries especially this week’s. Thank you for writing x

    • Bex_cygnet June 26th, 2013 8:40 PM

      whoops. The kiss was reflex. Awks, sorry!

  • Paige R. June 26th, 2013 8:33 PM

    Britney- I just graduated from middle school too. It felt like this in some ways, but different. I was going to a small catholic school, where most people had been there for almost their whole lives. I had only been there for 3 years, though and I hadn’t made many good friends. It felt like I was watching their graduation rather than experiencing my own. It felt unreal (and somewhat awkward).

    Anyways, I loved all of the entries. You guys write so beautifully!

  • rhymeswithorange June 26th, 2013 9:12 PM

    Katherine, I feel the same way about Spanish!! I realized when I listen to a non-native speaker, I can understand almost everything, but when I listen to a native speaker I am totally lost. This summer I’m going to try and listen to more Spanish music and watch movies too

  • elektraheart June 26th, 2013 9:53 PM

    I love languages and I want to master as many as I can before I get too old. Great entry, Katherine!

    • Graciexx June 27th, 2013 8:00 AM

      same here! I really want to be multilingual before I’m 20 :)

  • sungiant June 26th, 2013 10:27 PM

    Ruby!!! <3

  • alienbabe June 26th, 2013 10:34 PM

    Caitlin did a great job with the illustration!

    http://sweetandsourstyle.blogspot.com/

  • Cassie N June 26th, 2013 10:48 PM

    oh britney, i just graduated middle school and i can relate!

  • Rebdomine June 27th, 2013 4:36 AM

    oh ruby, i love you!

  • Saana V June 27th, 2013 5:56 AM

    Katherine i feel you!
    and wow ruby as good as always and aa i have a lot to say but i can’t think of anything

    and britney, i was your age last year – the school system is a bit different here. A lot different actually, i’m a year away of going to high school. But what i was saying was that wow you are a lot more mature than i was last year. And you’ll do just fine in high school, i’m sure of it.

    • Saana V June 27th, 2013 6:06 AM

      and wow i had to make our school system sound more complicated so i think i’m on something like junior high now but totally not, and that actually the “high school” in here is something like high school but also is not?

  • Sophie ❤ June 27th, 2013 7:35 AM

    This is so absolutely beautiful- a and Ruby, I absolutely see you!

    http://plainlysophie.com

  • Chloe22 June 27th, 2013 9:38 AM

    Pardon my strong use of words, but that guy from prom, Britney- WAS A MORON! seriously, who does that? It’s so mean!
    http://rhinestonemoon.blogspot.com/

  • Kourtney June 27th, 2013 12:33 PM

    I love you Britney.

  • saramarit June 27th, 2013 12:42 PM

    Britney, a boy dumped me in the same way when I was your age but I ended up crying in the bathroom! Well done for not being lame like me! I also started high school not knowing anyone and made really good friends, you’ll be fine.

  • barbroxursox June 30th, 2013 5:29 PM

    Naomi, I’m feeling the same way! :/ Last summer my job gave me few hours and I barely made any money, so that stressed me out. But this summer they are giving me almost full-time work and I thought I’d like that, but it is also giving me anxiety… I wanna hang out with my friends but some of them are traveling/have other obligations, or I just have to plan meeting with them which wasn’t necessary during the school year when we would just go out on Friday and Saturday nights. I am not entirely unhappy; I am making a lot of money (yay!) and sometimes get to hang out with my friends. I just feel like I’m unintentionally distancing myself from my friends which sucks because we’re all going off to college in a couple months and will be physically distanced from each other.

    http://lizard-onawindowpane.tumblr.com