Dear Diary

April 17, 2013

All anybody wants to do is connect.


Tuesday was my last day in the hospital.

I had already finished my time in the inpatient unit, and now I had done two and a half weeks of being there for six hours a day.

On one of my first days in the Partial Program, I drew every patient’s face on the whiteboard. The staff liked it and told me not to erase it. A few of the other patients asked me to make them look prettier or taller and grabbed markers to improve their likenesses.

When a patient was discharged, we all wrote them notes wishing them well. We put all the notes in one envelope and erased their face from the board.

When a new patient arrived, I immediately drew their caricature. This served as a welcome, and also as an announcement to the rest of the patients that there was a new face among us.

On my last day, I felt accomplished in many ways. I felt better about my mental state for the time being. I also felt good that I had convinced a boy to break up with his abusive girlfriend, and shared coping strategies with a self-injurious girl.

I ceremoniously erased my own face from the whiteboard, and made the others promise to keep the tradition. I took my envelope and left for the last time.

One note began with “I worship the ground you walk on.” Others were less extreme. I appreciated them all.

It’s amazing how much teenagers can understand and impact each other. We all hold a secret and we all know it. ♦


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  • GlitterKitty April 17th, 2013 7:48 PM

    Oooh they’re all so good this week. Naomi’s diary reminded me of the super close girly-ness of summer camp. You become so close and just together so fast it’s amazing.

    And what has happened to Ruby? I hope she’s alright…

  • Kaetlebugg April 17th, 2013 8:11 PM

    Britney – I think you are great (I think you are all great) and remember its OK to be sad. Obviously you’re wise and you know this, as you talk about how in the past you’ve found comfort in sadness; but just remember that. When I find myself in a similar funk I honestly find that doing absolutely nothing beyond taking a bath can be awesome. Nothingness can be great; literally just using a day to watch TV and be unproductive, if purposeful, can be, for me, like setting a restart button. Cause I find that when I’m in your state, I find myself doing nothing and I hate it, so I say, “Ok, I am going to do nothing purposefully!” and it can help. Sorry if this sounds inane or unhelpful, just know that you are great and this will pass.

  • Samantha April 17th, 2013 8:22 PM

    Naomi: Your writing is so lovely! I left a comment on your “A Mind of My Own” article. It sounds like we have a really similar story, and I’d love to chat about it.

    My blog: (hasn’t been updated in a while, but I still check it frequently)

  • babyybat April 17th, 2013 8:30 PM

    I really miss your diaries Ruby! I hope you’re okay.

    • Anaheed April 17th, 2013 9:34 PM

      She’s back — just added late.

  • momobaby April 17th, 2013 8:33 PM

    Katherine, I felt the same connection to that series as you did. You wrote about it so eloquently, I can only add that Carrie is one of those characters and people that isn’t only someone to look up to but a friend and mentor. I love the new Carrie Diaries series, you should really look into it. Its amazing watching the character into the woman that led such a great show.

  • laurelbird April 17th, 2013 8:49 PM

    Britney-you just described my exact feelings better than I ever have. I think I have cfs so I often feel like an outsider, and everone else seems so fake. I hope you feel better!

  • sungiant April 17th, 2013 8:51 PM

    UGGGH i need to fly to england to see the David Bowie exhibition I would cry a river

    • Caitlin H. April 18th, 2013 9:14 AM

      this very nearly happened (tears rolled at the Starman costume)

  • soviet_kitsch April 17th, 2013 9:11 PM

    oh katherine, your entry is so wonderful. it makes me feel less alone in finding such deep solace in tv. <3

  • Valerie Violet April 17th, 2013 10:20 PM

    Ruby the final paragraph of your entry brought me to tears. You can’t imagine how much you inspire me.

  • beetziebat April 17th, 2013 10:50 PM

    thank you Ruby – your entries are really helping me and I always look forward to reading them. I hope everything is a little better now and I really respect your bravery for writing about such a personal and emotional experience so beautifully
    Beth xxx

  • maira April 17th, 2013 10:50 PM

    God, Naomi, you write so beautifully! I always kind of nod along as I read your entries because you capture complex moods and events so, so well. I don’t know if you have ambitions to be a writer but I hope you never stop writing!

    • Naomi Morris April 18th, 2013 5:38 AM

      i am planning on writing until the day i die!

  • elinoir April 17th, 2013 11:13 PM

    These are probably the best diary entries I’ve read on rookie. Love them all!

  • Abby April 17th, 2013 11:56 PM

    I love you all.

  • Lea April 18th, 2013 8:51 AM

    Bowieeee wow Caitlin I’m so jealous!

  • BabyCthulhu April 18th, 2013 9:17 AM

    I’m seeing that David Bowie exhibition on Monday, I’m SOOOO excited

  • Miss Pink April 18th, 2013 12:19 PM

    Thanks so much, girls, for sharing your diary entries! So beautiful. <3 My mom found my diary once…and learned about my boyfriend who was five years older than me. It was humiliating and she made me break up with him. :(

  • alex biscuit April 18th, 2013 12:24 PM

    My love to ruby! I remember what it was like in the hospital unit i was in and the real impact of it all, it’s a strange experience!! i hope you’re well and doing well in recovery :) x

  • Maddy April 18th, 2013 1:49 PM

    Ruby! :)

  • carolineyall April 18th, 2013 2:11 PM

    Katherine: I totally feel you on SATC. I sometimes feel silly admitting how much I love that show, but your posts about it help remind me why I fell in love with it – because of its portrayal of strong women and the wonderful bond the characters share. I love that it showed these women in powerful positions who were not trying to cut each other down or undermine each other’s successes, but rather support and comfort each other during the good times and the bad. Ahh, that show means a lot to me! Glad someone else gets it <3

  • Ella W April 18th, 2013 4:54 PM

    I went along to the V&A just last week, but unfortunately we didn’t get time to look at the Bowie exhibition :’( I loved the fashion exhibits though!

  • stelliform April 19th, 2013 3:41 PM

    Britney, I was in your EXACT same position a couple of months ago. My depression hit me so hard that my boyfriend fell out of love with me because of it. You will feel better eventually. Keep your head up.

  • LittleTiny April 19th, 2013 4:24 PM


    I see much of myself in your writing. I hope you are well. I do a partial care place for self harm and it has helped me tremendously. One year, one month and 3 days without. It’s amazing how so many people there are who are just regular everyday people but a chance meeting in a hospital shows that everyone has secrets and are looking for understanding and connections with people who understand the pain.

  • julalondon April 24th, 2013 3:55 PM

    OMG when i watched the last Episode of SATC i was devastated!!!!! I can totally feel you there, Katherine! =)