I finally got up the nerve to talk to my crush, which in theory is amazing, but it ended up just confusing me even more.

Before this I’d been so focused on myself and on my inability to form coherent sentences around him, that I never really noticed that he’s not as perfect as I’d made him out to be. When we talked he said something really insensitive (not about me, but it still stung) in a super casual way, like it was no big deal to him, or like he didn’t even realize how offensive he was being.

I know that I talk about this guy more than I probably should, but this crush is a significant and bewildering part of my life. I don’t want to like him. “I hate him so much,” I have said a million times to my friends at lunch, while straining my eyes trying to spot him across the room. No matter what he does or says, I always find ways to make the pros outweigh the cons—even if I have to resort to pros like “wears nice shirts” or “has great hair.” I have tried not to be attracted to him, but it’s so difficult. This crush feels like an abyss that I’ve fallen into and now I’m stuck here, flailing around. ♦