Dear Diary

January 30, 2013

Surprises and disappointments and Samantha Jones.

Britney

Have you ever gotten the feeling that you’ll be alone forever? I’ve felt that way for the past few days. I don’t necessarily mean alone relationship-wise. It’s just…sometimes I feel like I’m the only person who actually understands me. When I find someone who I think might get what I’m saying, it turns out they don’t, and then I’m disappointed and feel lonelier than ever. I have so much to say, but I can’t, because when I do, it’s usually better if I hadn’t. People say that school is like this, but it’s not just school—it’s the real world as well. I can’t even count the number of times I’ve told an adult about an idea or a problem I was having, and they just missed the point. For example, I was getting harassed by some people in math class earlier this week. An instructor of another class noticed my mood and asked me what was wrong, and when I told them about the harassment, they said, “Well, maybe it’s because your personality is so dark?” I felt so betrayed.

I honestly feel hopeless. I feel like a supergiant that’s about to become a supernova. I’m not happy at all. ♦

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22 Comments

  • feldma4 January 30th, 2013 7:31 PM

    These were all interesting to read. I’ve never gotten into SATC but now I might just have to. And as for Britney’s, I totally understand how you’re feeling. I often feel like no one gets it, and even though i feel very ~teen angst~ my feelings are valid. I usually express the things I can’t say through my zine, through collaging, etc. It helps, and i get better artwork out of it!
    http://anna–lucia.tumblr.com/

  • Ms.O January 30th, 2013 7:38 PM

    Britney, I feel for you. I have very few people in my life who get what I’m talking about, and when they do I think I may get overly excited. I hope you feel better about it all, I’m trying to feel better about my (similar) situation also right now. Also I wanted to say to Naomi that your piece was lovely and very well written.

  • AnaRuiz January 30th, 2013 7:44 PM

    Aaaaaaa Neomi I fall more in love with you every Wednesday.

    anaruizwriting.blogspot.com

  • kolumbia January 30th, 2013 7:48 PM

    Britney, I feel you, girl. Sometimes, you just have to say, “No, you’re not getting it,” and keep talking until the person gets it, other times you have to give up, and that sucks. I hope that you’ll find somebody who gets you and be happy!

    Also, where’s Nandi??

    • Anaheed January 31st, 2013 6:19 AM

      Nandi’s not writing for us anymore.

      • farawayfaerie January 31st, 2013 2:13 PM

        don’t make me cry :’( someone please tell me why?

        • Anaheed January 31st, 2013 2:25 PM

          We explained it here, in last week’s diary post.

        • farawayfaerie February 3rd, 2013 8:00 AM

          aw no, that’s horrible. I’ll miss her posts, but plagiarism is so wrong.

  • moonchild January 30th, 2013 7:51 PM

    oh my god ruby the starkid reference <3

  • GlitterKitty January 30th, 2013 8:33 PM

    Naomi, that was some awesome writing you did this week. I feel like the the last line was some sort of metaphor and you were talking about a metaphorical balance as well as a physical balance. Either way it was awesome.

    And Ruby’s video of her grandpa was absolutely adorable. Happy Birthday and happy driving!

  • lizzyheinie January 30th, 2013 8:37 PM

    Katherine, I’m not so sure I’m a SATC fan, but in high school five or six of my friends and I would meet every week to watch Pretty Little Liars! We’d have potlucks for the premieres and finales, and we were so good at figuring everything out… basically, it was the best and watching TV shows with your friends is also the best thing ever. (Literally The Best Thing Ever?)

  • Ermy January 30th, 2013 8:46 PM

    I literally can’t get over that Porsche video.

    Like.

    So much joy.

    I can’t take it.

  • forevernymph January 30th, 2013 8:50 PM

    Britney, I feel the same way VERY often. It wasn’t until this past New Year’s that I met people that understood me. I met 40+ year old college professors that treated me (a 14 year old middle school student) as an equal. They understood my every motive and thought and I couldn’t believe it.
    It was incredibly amazing to have found people like this, no matter how different they were on the outside. I thought I’d never find anyone and yet I did. Don’t give up hope, because I can promise that there’s someone else like you out there…they may just not always be who you expected them to be.

  • katiebell929929 January 30th, 2013 10:57 PM

    Britney, you just took all of my thoughts from my head and wrote them beautifully, thank you. A girl i know even told me “Katie, you just need someone that understands you” and i tend to come off as really dark and mean when i don’t know what to say. Anyway, Britney I love you and thank you.

  • llamalina January 30th, 2013 10:59 PM

    britney, i feel everything that you are feeling.

    http://llamalina.blogspot.com

  • julalondon January 31st, 2013 2:48 AM

    Ok Katherine, THIS is PERFECTION! I absolutely love love LOVE Sex and the City and your piece was just how i feel about it, expecially Samantha. I wish i was living where you live, ’cause a SATC-Club would be the most wonderful thing EVER!!! Oh and YAY, Cosmopolitans!!!=)

  • Lindi January 31st, 2013 11:27 AM

    IT’S A PUPPY N’aww Ruby this is so lovely<3

  • casper January 31st, 2013 2:37 PM

    To be honest, I’m not a huge SATC fan because I find almost every character except for Samantha pretty annoying (except for Baryshnikov and Charlotte’s gay friend). And while I am not a huge fan of the other members of the main cast, I ADORE Samantha. They’ll be at lunch and everyone is whining about something stupid and then Samantha comes in and makes a totally-inappropriate-yet-somehow-perfect sex joke. My favorite Samantha moment is when Charlotte whispers, “You know, making love,” and then Samantha goes, “You mean fucking?”

    Anyway, my mom met Kim Cattrall once pre-SATC and I thought it would please you all to know that she is EXACTLY the same in real life.

  • Annie at Cher Ami January 31st, 2013 3:11 PM

    aww ruby, that is amazing, i loved your video!i hope your grandfather had a good birthday!

  • Caitlin H. January 31st, 2013 3:36 PM

    Aww Ruby, that video is so lovely!

  • Flicts Girl February 1st, 2013 10:13 AM

    I totally get Britney’s feelings.I have already been in a place where I had no friends at all.I changed school (for other reasons but thank God) and I found these new friends who are very good to me and then recently I realized none of them REALLY gets me.They get close sometimes, but they just don’t.

    L.

  • TropicanaLuxx February 17th, 2013 3:09 PM

    Britney I totally feel you :( <3