Ever since I watched some footage of Dick Proenneke two weeks ago, all I’ve been thinking about is escaping to the Alaskan wilderness and building a cabin there. I know that this is impossible for multiple reasons, the main one being that I have no cabin-building or survival skills. I would fail and die. Or get mauled by a bear. But I can’t stop fantasizing about being alone in the wilderness for an indefinite amount of time. I mean, that has basically been my college experience thus far, minus the beauty of the mountains and wildlife.

I just spent Christmas with my family. Everything was fine, except I kept on saying all the wrong things and drowning in self-loathing and now I don’t want to talk about it. My room has no lock, but if it did, no one would get in for another week at least. I’m mostly just hanging out here, letting my muscles atrophy and trying to find a cure for this rash that’s trying to take over my neck and destroying my dream of becoming a jewelry model for QVC. Sometimes at I recite “The Lake Isle of Innisfree” to myself when I go to bed. I guess it’s weird to recite a poem about rising when you are doing the opposite, but Innisfree for me is retreating to my room or sleeping.

Since I can’t escape to my own Alaskan wilderness or Innisfree, I’ll probably just turn down the heat and get a few logs for my room. Or maybe I’ll fill a bucket up with water and shake it a little every time I want to hear lake water lapping by the shore. ♦