Being strong for other people is making me weak. I am tired. I am tired. I am goddamn tired. Don’t get me wrong, I want to be strong for my friends, but I can’t willingly let them drink from my fountain when they’re CONSTANTLY thirsty and don’t let me take a sip from theirs.
I have a friend who is always having problems with her family and in her relationships. Basically, she is broken. She will ask for my help/guidance/shoulder even when I am at my saddest, and I, being the loving friend that I am, give it to her without question. That’s what you would do, too, right? Right. Now, when I do a “good deed” for someone, I expect nothing in return. But when I am in the dumps and someone else can clearly see that, I need them to do the same for me. I am seldom in the dumps, so the few times that I am are the worst.
This week, it’s as if depression knocked on my heart’s door and when my heart opened, it came right in and made itself at home. Then it decided to overstay its welcome. I told my friend about it in an email, and her response was “Oh, come on, Nandi, you’re strong. You can deal with this.” Was she seriously thinking I didn’t need her, or was she just too lazy? I never replied. ♦