You Asked It

Ask a Grown Man: Kumail Nanjiani

Love is like cake, and other life lessons.

Kumail Nanjiani is a comedian who acts on TV (Portlandia, Adventure Time, and Franklin & Bash) and hosts a gaming podcast with our very own Emily V. Gordon—listen for her delightful audio cameo in this, the latest advice-filled edition of AAGM.

If you have a question for a Grown Person, please send it to youaskedit@rookiemag.com and write “Ask a Grown Man” or “Ask a Grown Woman” in the subject line, accordingly.

71 Comments

  • AnaRuiz January 22nd, 2013 3:10 PM

    The Demi Lovato reference? I don’t care if he’s married, I’m in love with this man.

    anaruizwriting.blogspot.com

  • rosiesayrelax January 22nd, 2013 3:14 PM

    May I request Johnny Depp for the next Ask A Grown Man feature. Not that Kumail Nanjiani didn’t satisfy my teenage wonderings, but, you know. JOHNNY DEPP.

    ;D

    http://rosieandthewolf.blogspot.co.uk/

    • HollinsCollins January 22nd, 2013 3:53 PM

      Oh my god that would me so crazyawesome.
      Yeah Johnny Depp..or like..um…Joseph Gordon-Levitt (uhg sorry I’m just suggestion that because he’s attractive so ignore me please) oh or John Green. OH or Isaac Marion. Pleeeeassse do Isaac Marion.

      • Kathryn January 22nd, 2013 5:17 PM

        Exactly! I don’t know how “qualified” Joseph Gordon-Levitt would be but he’s just so cute it’s kinda insane I think I would die if he made a video for Rookie ughskdhgkj

        • Kathryn January 22nd, 2013 8:39 PM

          PS every AAGM video is hilarious. How do you find such cool grown men??? This is beyond.

        • Kathryn January 23rd, 2013 12:57 AM

          PPS: I was literally just about to fall asleep when I had a revelation about how cool it would be if Aziz Ansari did AAGM!

        • HollinsCollins January 23rd, 2013 10:01 AM

          Whoooyeah I would totally die.
          Yeah so Joseph or Aiziz (it would be cray)…

      • trassel January 28th, 2013 9:12 AM

        John Green would be so AWSOME, Beacuse JOHN GREEN. Also, he is really good at stuff like this. :)

    • ShakespeareRules January 22nd, 2013 4:35 PM

      I second the motion. But also, how cute is Kumail Nanjiani?!

    • BritishFish January 27th, 2013 11:55 PM

      Oh, Johnny Depp. I think I would die. I would want to ask him if he could marry me.

  • molassesrotblackstrap January 22nd, 2013 3:37 PM

    ahhhh one of my favorite “ask a grown man” :))))

  • MissKnowItAll January 22nd, 2013 3:38 PM

    who does he voice on adventure time?

    • Anaheed January 22nd, 2013 3:43 PM

      Prismo

      • MissKnowItAll January 23rd, 2013 2:17 PM

        >_< I can't believe I didn't realize that after watching the first 2 minutes

  • lau January 22nd, 2013 3:48 PM

    WOW WHAT A CUTIE aw man i love prismo

  • Jes January 22nd, 2013 4:33 PM

    I just saw kumail on portlandia yesterday. and now he’s on rookie! rock onnnnnn.

  • gnarlyelixir January 22nd, 2013 4:36 PM

    omg babenss i didnt even know that was a word and im in high school wowww

  • farawayfaerie January 22nd, 2013 4:37 PM

    I am in love with this grown man!! I just laughed some tears out of my eyez. “…and then one day, you have like, creme brulee, and you’re like ‘What is happening?? How much of this stuff is out there?’” hahahha, so cuuute

  • mudblood62442 January 22nd, 2013 4:37 PM

    Think the cake analogy is the first strain of the ‘plenty more fish in the sea’ adage that actually makes me feel better. Cake, simples.

  • woahmeredith January 22nd, 2013 4:38 PM

    i had the same issue with the jurassic park ride. it looked so cool and fun but then the man brought me down.

    life is hard.

    and i love his stand up by the way.

  • Abby January 22nd, 2013 4:51 PM

    YOU GUYS. YOU. GUYS. When his wife was in the background all like “there’s not a “The One”???” and he was trying to defend himself to her I was DYING. I can just see her giving him the one eyebrow up face, like, “I better be the one or you aren’t gettin’ any anymore” hahahaha. Also, the creme brulee thing was a really good metaphor. I’m going to use it. But don’t hate on carrot cake. It’s delish.

  • Emmy January 22nd, 2013 4:55 PM

    I LOVE THIS GUY! His character on Franklin & Bash makes my life. Also, his advice is awesome.

  • cocolarue January 22nd, 2013 5:12 PM

    This is golden.

  • RadGranny January 22nd, 2013 5:25 PM

    best. episode. ever.
    more of Kumail, please?

  • Teez January 22nd, 2013 5:45 PM

    i really like this guy!

  • StrawberryTwist January 22nd, 2013 5:46 PM

    Hahahah I LOVE this video!! :D best advice ever.

    http://fashiononfire.org/

  • N.Arie January 22nd, 2013 6:09 PM

    Kumail Nanjiani is Awesome. The Carrot Cake/Creme Bulee metaphor was just great. And is it just me or is anyone else now in need of a piece of cake? I’m thinking Chocolate.

    • cookiemonster January 26th, 2013 12:19 PM

      YES!! I am desperately in need of chocolate cake with cream cheese frosting and a scoop of moose tracks ice cream on the side. And it’s not even 11am.

  • Violet January 22nd, 2013 6:18 PM

    ‘You might have lost your carrot cake, but your creme brulee is probably still out there’

    LOL

    and I was waiting for a shoe to come hit him from the background :D

  • jenaimarley January 22nd, 2013 6:24 PM

    Hahaha creme brûlée :)

  • marineo January 22nd, 2013 6:47 PM

    “the only thing that can drown out the sound of your peers mocking you is you making out with slightly younger guys”

    i died….. :)))

  • Eryn January 22nd, 2013 6:48 PM

    OUR CREME BRULEES ARE STILL OUT THERE, good news you guys.

    he is hilarious I’m dying.

  • wiltedrues January 22nd, 2013 6:56 PM

    Have you all ever thought of asking John Green to do one of these? I’m 100% sure he’d love it and give great advice.

    • devonlea January 23rd, 2013 12:28 AM

      YES PLEASE. I second this motion.

      • Arabelle January 24th, 2013 5:55 PM

        AHHHHHHHHHHHHH YES A+

      • Marian January 26th, 2013 9:11 PM

        Yes!!! That would be awesome

  • Emily January 22nd, 2013 7:07 PM

    That cake metaphor, man. Now I feel like I understand life.

  • Marian January 22nd, 2013 7:14 PM

    I love this!!! Perhaps one of my favorite ask a grown mans to date.
    Can I just suggest John Green as the next grown man?

  • lyssagrltx January 22nd, 2013 7:28 PM

    HE’S COMPARING THE ONE WITH CAKE!:D THAT’S THE BEST THING EVER.

  • Blythe January 22nd, 2013 7:31 PM

    I love how he thinks he has to explain The Matrix to us. Silly man.

  • Ana January 22nd, 2013 7:42 PM

    Man, i wish i had a friend like this guy!

  • FlowerPower January 22nd, 2013 8:03 PM

    Ahahaha! This is the best! I can’t separate him from Portlandia. All I keep thinking about when I hear his voice is the “Birthday loan” skit. That was too great. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9nTSQAmNHTo
    ~Caroline~

  • tuntematon January 22nd, 2013 8:09 PM

    HE’S THE FUNNIEST COMEDIAN EVAR :3

  • JaneLane January 22nd, 2013 8:46 PM

    This guy is the bomb HE IS SO FUNNY ON PORTLANDIA YA YOU GO YOU GO

  • purrr January 22nd, 2013 9:57 PM

    the pie talk made me really hungry so i ordered a pizza and i don’t know if i’m gonna regret it or not

    • purrr January 22nd, 2013 10:50 PM

      the thin crust @ pizza hut is bad :(

      • purrr January 22nd, 2013 10:51 PM

        i want chocolate raspberry cake instead

        • 3LL3NH January 24th, 2013 6:17 PM

          I love this commentary.

  • loanna January 22nd, 2013 10:37 PM

    Hahaha I loved the pastry metaphor

  • Adrienne January 22nd, 2013 11:10 PM

    PRISMO! Ahh he’s my fave. And I love Emily’s side comments haha. :)

  • graceismad January 23rd, 2013 12:51 AM

    Woo! I love the Indoor Kids podcast! It was such a surprise to see Kumail’s face on the front page of Rookiemag! Loved this. Thanks!

  • julalondon January 23rd, 2013 2:37 AM

    OMG i’d never heard of him before BUT HE IS SO AWESOME!!!! Can we please please please hear/see/read more of him on here? =)

  • vatfp January 23rd, 2013 6:36 AM

    I almost died at the Miles Kane reference. Loved this !

  • Mary the freak January 23rd, 2013 7:45 AM

    God, this is so cute! I think it’s my favorite “ask a grown man” ever. <33

    http://birdiewearsatie.blogspot.com/

    • Dayzee January 23rd, 2013 11:56 AM

      I agree- he’s awesome!

  • DreamBoat January 23rd, 2013 1:11 PM

    OKAY I HAVEN’T EVEN WATCHED THIS YET, BUT KUMAIL IS THE FUNNIEST PERSON EVERRRRR. Me and my brother were watching when he tours around Portland, and we totally agreed HE NEEDS HIS OWN SHOW.
    Plus, I don’t think I’ve ever laughed harder than when he was talkin’ about birthday punkin’ on Portlandia. KUMAIL 4 EVER.

    http://psychedelicdaisy.blogspot.com/

  • all-art-is-quite-useless January 23rd, 2013 2:45 PM

    one of the best aagm ever, guys, well done….

  • whodatgal January 23rd, 2013 4:09 PM

    aw i love this dude he is so cute and good answers too. i would TOTALLY love Ryan Gosling to do an ‘Ask a Grown Man’ i swear he said he’s a feminist and he’d be super awesome gah

    http://www.opheliahorton.wordpress.com

  • silvermist January 23rd, 2013 6:31 PM

    best “ask a grown man” ever
    he reminds me of my PE teacher except 38292X funnier

  • Emilie January 23rd, 2013 6:49 PM

    omg, this guy doe. Freakin hilarious thanks Kumail!

  • diana94 January 23rd, 2013 9:13 PM

    omg this guy looks like my ex im in loveee

  • Lakshmi N. January 23rd, 2013 9:42 PM

    this was flantastic

  • laughinguacamole January 23rd, 2013 10:55 PM

    This just made my life a little bit better, in a permanent way. This man is absolutely fabulous. It’s nice to know that Prismo isn’t too corrupted by the celebrity lifestyle. :)

    http://alovearmy.tumblr.com/

  • cleobea January 24th, 2013 12:33 AM

    Ohmygosh the cake metaphor is the best. I can’t wait to find my creme brulé.
    Also, can John Green please do a Ask a Grown Man? that would be the best. Or, you know, Joseph Gordon Levitt would be pretty great too..

  • Megara January 24th, 2013 1:29 AM

    I’ve never heard of this guy before! he’s hilarious! best Ask yet!!!!!

  • Dayna January 24th, 2013 1:31 AM

    “you may have lost your carrot cake but your creme brûlée is still out there” may be the best advice I have ever heard.

  • Isabelle97 January 24th, 2013 2:47 PM

    Babin’ is now my vocab word of the year :)

  • 3LL3NH January 24th, 2013 6:38 PM

    I read the comments before I watched it, and I was wondering what could possibly be that amazing, and then it was amazing.

    Demi Lovato in glasses isn’t all that cute, though…

  • BritishFish January 27th, 2013 11:58 PM

    Pressed play… “IT’S PRISMOOOOOOOOOOOOOO”

  • lipstik February 26th, 2013 3:45 PM

    Oh my god. Kumail is, like, perfect.

  • Maradoll Mynx June 2nd, 2013 4:36 PM

    Okay, enough, I LOVE. HIM. He is amazing! And the advice? He hit it out of the park! I can totally relate! “My carrot cake may be gone but my creme brulee is on the way” (I tweaked that last part slightly to make a subtle rhyme, see how I did that?) but the meaning remains. I think AAGM/W may be my fave segment of this fabulous site.