You Asked It

Sunday Video: Ask a Grown Woman With Tegan and Sara

They’ve been waiting their whole lives to do this.

For this two-for-one edition of Ask A Grown Woman, duo Tegan and Sara team up to answer your questions. Catch them again on Letterman on November 20th. You can also listen to their new single, “Closer,” out now, and pick up their new album, Heartthrob, on January 29th.

If you have a question for a Grown Person, please send it to and write “Ask a Grown Man” or “Ask a Grown Woman” in the subject line, accordingly.


If you want to submit a short video–music, drama, comedy, documentary, tutorial, whatever!–for our Sunday Video series, please send it to


  • Miss Erin November 11th, 2012 12:21 PM


    Tegan, Sara….you two are wonderful.

  • steph.anie11 November 11th, 2012 12:24 PM

    THIS! THIS MADE MY SUNDAY SO HARD!!!! you guys are wonderful <3

  • Aisling November 11th, 2012 12:29 PM

    Ahhh I love Tegan & Sara so much. Got way too excited when I saw them on the home page. This was wonderful.

  • jenaimarley November 11th, 2012 12:38 PM

    I LOVE THEM! <3 <3 <3
    Also Dan Savage is so cool, can he be on here someday?

  • ElleEstJolie November 11th, 2012 1:05 PM

    Tegan an Sara, you guys are BRILLIANT! though I am straight, this q&a is so truthful. I love it. Thanks so much :)

  • Mollylou November 11th, 2012 1:36 PM

    I love Tegan & Sara so much. Excellent answers to some really tough questions.

  • JillianYvette November 11th, 2012 1:43 PM

    This is just too perfect, I love Tegan and Sara too much.

  • leaaislinn November 11th, 2012 1:47 PM

    tears are in my eyes right now! thank you rookie thank you rookie thank you thank you thank you!

  • Abby November 11th, 2012 1:56 PM

    This is just… soooo awesome. Even though I’m straight, I LOVE it. Great advice.

    Also, I think that their cheekbones are amazing. Just throwing that out there.

  • Adrienne November 11th, 2012 2:21 PM

    TEGAN AND SARA!!!! Rookie, you’re the best!

  • Wren November 11th, 2012 2:23 PM

    Love love love ♥

  • Lori November 11th, 2012 4:17 PM

    OHHHMYYYGOOOD TEGANANDSARAAA!!! Yay! I was hoping Rookie would do a post on Tegan and Sara soon! When I saw the thumbnail I got so excited I literally jumped out of my seat haha. But then I had to wait a few hours because I live in Ireland so the post doesn’t go up unitl the evening :( I can’t wait for the new album in January! Thank you Rookie for another amazing post :)

    PS: If Tegan and Sara happen to be reading this comment (ohmygod hi), could you please, please, please come and play in Ireland soon? And maybe bring the entire staff of Rookie with you? :)

  • HannaLina November 11th, 2012 4:41 PM

    This is one of the reasons why Tegan and Sara are so amazing. They take the time to sit down and answer questions from angsty, self-conscious teenagers and actually give great advice. Also their music obviously. :D

    However; Dan Savage? Seriously? Just google Dan Savage followed by any -ism and you’re sure to find plenty of results.

    I’m disappointed that Tegan and Sara , as two self-declared feminists can support someone like him. He is sexist, bi-phobic, transphobic, fat-shaming and
    also openly anti-choice.

    General sexism and fat-shaming:

    More misogyny and trivializing/denying of rape:

    • macipisi123 November 12th, 2012 5:20 PM


      ok he can give some good advice sometimes

      but there are loads of issues people overlook and i found the fawning over him in this video quite excessive to be honest.

      everything else was amazing, though. they seem to have put a lot of thought into answering these, that made me so happy c:

  • alicemymble November 11th, 2012 5:39 PM

    I jumped out of my bed like it was Christmas morning when I saw this post in my blog feed :D

    Yeeeah Tegan & Sara – LOVE THEM!! X

  • Janelle November 11th, 2012 5:48 PM

    I shouted out loud “OHMYGOD TEGAN AND SARA” when I saw the thumbnail! This is probably one of the best Ask a Grown Woman segments ever. Rookie+Tegan and Sara=Amazing.

  • rookielaura November 11th, 2012 6:15 PM

    love this!!! they gave really intelligent answers to difficult questions and seemed to genuinely care and enjoy the opportunity to help younger members of society

  • thedoctordonna November 11th, 2012 6:20 PM

    Rookie, I just want to say that I REALLY love that you guys post content like this. It really helps people like me that really have a hard time talking to others about their sexuality.

  • mynamesjustmaddy November 11th, 2012 7:44 PM

    holy shit I love them so much

  • Megan Anne November 11th, 2012 8:02 PM

    this is so lovely! I adore themm

  • superweenie November 11th, 2012 8:51 PM

    Awesome! Two super cool, intelligent, and beautiful inside and out grown women! I really enjoyed hearing their opinions and advice, thanks rookie and thanks to Tegan and Sara as well.

  • thelionheartedgirl November 11th, 2012 9:05 PM

    They are incredibly well-spoken. And attractive. And nice.

  • theseeker November 11th, 2012 9:41 PM

    intelligent insightful advise good job

  • molassesrotblackstrap November 11th, 2012 10:04 PM

    omfg i want a haircut like sara’s so fucking bad

  • northernground November 11th, 2012 10:22 PM


  • lipstickjunkie November 12th, 2012 12:07 AM


  • joenjwang November 12th, 2012 1:00 AM

    For me, I find girls attractive and watch them a lot–how they do their makeup, their bodies, etc. I know that I like boys, but I think this is really natural. Girls watch other girls and learn from each other this way. It’s just…so natural to see how other girls DO things

  • eireann November 12th, 2012 1:18 AM

    Tegan and Sara!! Canada represent! :) :)

  • Miarele November 12th, 2012 10:16 AM

    OMG TEGAN AND SARAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! Okay, I’ll just be here and be incoherent for a few minutes like everybody else. I love Tegan’s facial expressions and even more I love how it feels that they went an extra step to make sure that they really help. Thank you Rookie for having them <333333

  • Krista November 12th, 2012 12:09 PM

    This was fantasticl!!! ALSO I AM THRILLED ABOUT THIS.

  • emmeline November 12th, 2012 12:51 PM

    Tegan and Sara were my inspiration for cutting my hair short I love these ladies! Thank you Rookie!

  • ShakespeareRules November 12th, 2012 4:20 PM

    Nearly all of your ‘Ask a Grown Woman’ posts are related to being a lesbian, when only a small minority of women are. I’m not homophobic, i just feel that rookie include more of a range of topics.

    • Anaheed November 12th, 2012 4:32 PM

      “Ask a Grown Woman” is specifically for questions about same-gender relationships. We have a wide range of advice columns and videos (here) that include pretty much any topic you can think of.

    • bibliovore November 12th, 2012 9:54 PM

      There is never a time when the sentence “I’m not homophobic, but” should be used.

      • ShakespeareRules November 13th, 2012 11:56 AM

        I didn’t mean to offend! Everyone is entitled to their own opinion.

    • Tavi November 13th, 2012 12:07 PM

      Ask a Grown Woman is a feature where grown lesbians answer questions about liking girls. Ask a Grown Man is where grown straight men answer questions about liking boys. We have a ton of advice from straight women about liking boys, too:

      • ShakespeareRules November 15th, 2012 4:25 PM

        Sorry, i didn’t realise! I’ve been reading the other comments and it hadn’t really occurred to me that there isn’t much advice for girls about their sexuality. So thanks, and sorry again x

      • Hayley November 18th, 2012 2:07 AM

        I didn’t know that either…could you maybe put that in the description? That ask a Grown Woman is specifically about/for lesbians?
        I don’t want it to be segregated from the other content (à la Netflix’s “Gay and Lesbian Movies” bullshit), it’s just that I would have watched these videos a lot sooner if I’d known they were addressing sexuality specifically.

  • Mayabett November 12th, 2012 7:23 PM

    I’m a straight girl, but I always love the Ask a Grown Woman videos!

    It would be amazing to get a couple of these that aren’t exclusively focused on sexuality and lesbian relationships.
    For example, I’d love to hear other women’s perspectives on body image, health, feminism, etc!

    Just a suggestion; thanks Rookie!

  • tess413 November 12th, 2012 9:16 PM


  • jessica j November 13th, 2012 12:46 AM

    as a queer person, i am very very glad to see a number of ask a grown woman posts from fellow queer ladies. to straight people in the thread who are expressing a bit of frustration: nearly every corner of the internet has advice for straight women. every single women’s magazine and almost exclusively every woman oriented website neglects queer issues. so maybe it’s good to be mindful of that. i really like the effort to include more queer narratives and experiences, and rookie, i hope you keep it up. and i’d love to hear more about trans* stuff on rookie too!

    • Anaheed November 13th, 2012 12:49 AM

      So would we! Thanks, Jessica.

  • Martinapovolo November 13th, 2012 2:10 AM

    y’all should get christopher Owens from girls to do ask a grown man!!!

  • walkingparadox November 13th, 2012 4:11 PM

    this was awesome

  • azultardis November 13th, 2012 8:37 PM

    Perfection,I love Tegan and Sara,and seeing them answer these questions is great! I felt like these girls sometimes,when I liked girls my mom made my life a living hell,and now I’m dating a boy and I actually like him,but now I’m getting hate from my queer friends,cause they think I’m not being honest with myself, but I am, I like a boy now,and yeah I liked a girl before,and honestly I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it.

  • 3LL3NH November 13th, 2012 10:55 PM

    Tegan and Sara are so intelligent, so kind, so inspiring, and so fucking beautiful- I can’t get over them and their hair and their jawlines and how much I want to be strong and real because of that video. Thank you all.

  • Amy B.C. November 17th, 2012 7:57 AM

    Oh my god I have just started reading Rookie literally today and this is just exactly what I needed as a teenage lesbian in the closet

  • anniek November 21st, 2012 10:32 PM

    Saw Tegan+Sara at Austin City Limits in October! They’re so awesome and adorable. Thanks for this video, loved it.

  • Lemons December 5th, 2012 5:03 PM

    Tegan and Sara = perfection.

  • cematinla December 13th, 2012 8:51 PM

    Okay, some cool and helpful things were said here.

    HOWEVER, some very questionable things were said as well.

    A) “but we weren’t being slutty!” Right. God forbid we think of you as being sluts – because having multiple partners is such a shameful and embarrassing thing to do.

    B) “Dan Savage is an amazing, lovely, wonderful person”.

    DAN SAVAGE? The guy who is transphobic, fatphobic, propagates rape culture and looks down upon anyone who isn’t a white cis homosexual male?

    Oh yeah, he’s an angel…

    Here’s a link:

  • Taya G January 26th, 2013 2:38 PM

    I really enjoyed this video and think Tegan and Sara give very honest, helpful advice. Thank you Rookie and Tegan and Sara for doing this and I really hope Tegan and/or Sara do more “Ask a Grown Women” segments on Rookie in the future!

  • horcrvx January 31st, 2013 1:59 PM

    I really really love Tegan and Sara and I’m super happy that they finally get the attention they deserve.

  • Kathrin Franz March 10th, 2013 7:31 AM

    you said-in the first answer: we dated boys but we weren´t slutty..

    i dont like this word-because its all about slut-shaming.. i think nobody should be called slut or slutty-except if someone wants to be called such(in a kind of empowering sense?)

    so if someone says “i werent slutty” it seems to me like:i am not one of “THESE” girls then you shame them only becaue they choose that they want more sex (which implies that there is too much sex.. i dont like that, i think nobody should be ashamed of that..)

    and you talked about a an age of 13.. this word creeps me out, sorry.

  • I.ila May 14th, 2013 10:18 PM

    TEGAN stop looking at me like that. Oh wait. This is a video from like two months ago. You’re not looking at me specifically.
    Darn it.

  • Harriet May 15th, 2013 4:08 AM

    Dem cheekbones.