There’s this episode of SpongeBob where Squidward uses a time machine, presumably to escape SpongeBob’s and Patrick’s antics. I don’t remember the episode very well, but somehow he ends up in some sort of parallel universe where he is surrounded by white nothingness. Every time he says something, a little speech bubble forms and floats into the air. Squidward interacts with this strange universe for a little bit before losing his mind and stomping his way out.

It’s truly horrifying. Also freaky! A lot of people have posted reverse or sped-up versions of it on YouTube, which I acknowledge isn’t legitimately frightening, but I will still probably fall asleep with my flashlight tonight. I’m legally an adult and am afraid of the dark and SpongeBob.

Squidward’s world of nothingness is how college feels to me right now. Like a white void. I’m not tied to much here. No dramas are unfolding, and I can’t list all of my classmates and give a description of each kid. Most of my interaction with people involves sitting at my computer or using my phone.

Basically, if my life were a film right now, it would consist of me quietly going about my business—in my dorm studying or watching Netflix. Someone once told me it was good to be that way, because in being cut off from the world, you figure out who you are: your likes, dislikes, interests, etc. But that’s not true. You figure out those things when you’re exposed to other people’s shit and have to interact with a world that you don’t and can’t control. Because that challenges you. It makes you think critically about things. I mean, in high school that was mostly just talking to kids about the Kardashians or dubstep. But at least it pulled me out of the little world inside my head. (JK, high school sucked major balls.)

I guess I just feel weird this week because I feel like I don’t really have a clear sense of identity right now. I am like a cartoon character without the black borders. Maybe I’m used to relying on other people’s perceptions of me to define who I am. But also, maybe I’m sick of this void and need to stomp my way out and get back to Bikini Bottom, which is anywhere but my dorm room. ♦