Sleepwalking-child murderer

By Jenny

Me (center) with a zombie princess and Mario

A few Halloweens ago, I was a sleepwalking-child murderer—a child who murders people in her sleep (not a sleepwalker who murders children). I went to Target and bought a boy’s glow-in-the-dark footed onesie in the biggest size they had. You can also get ones that are made for grownups. I bought a fake plastic ax, although you can purchase any kind of absurd weapon that would be fun to dance with, and I smeared fake blood all over it, as well as on my hands. I braided my hair in pigtails, and borrowed my friend’s teddy bear, which I carried around all night. This costume is probably going to leave a lot of people scratching their heads, and when you say, “Don’t you get it? I murder people in my sleep!” they’ll probably be like, “Har har har,” and roll their eyes, but it’s super comfortable and super warm. AND you don’t have to wear shoes, because you’re already wearing a FOOTED ONESIE. After Halloween has come and gone, you can wear it around the house all winter and never have to bother with real clothes again.