Dear Diary

September 5, 2012

Lots of change, and some discombobulation.


Chorus is my first class. I only signed up for it as my elective so I wouldn’t get homework. Since I arrived at school half an hour early, I’m not late, and I’m a little bored. A girl in a Sailor Moon backpack and wire-rimmed glasses sits to my left, while I’m cramped on the edge of the risers, almost falling off.

“I’m a soprano,” she says, giving a little nod and turning away without giving me time to respond.

“Welcome, class,” says our teacher, entering the room with a stage smile and huge hand gestures. She has feathered blond hair and is holding bedazzled stationery. She introduces herself, gives a little speech about what the class will be like. She sits at the piano in front of the risers. “I’d like to remind you all that there are no cellphones allowed in class.”

“My mom only lets me use mine when I go out, anyway,” chimes in the Sailor Moon girl, loudly. “It’s more of an emergency phone than anyth—”

“Yes, well, let’s warm up, shall we?”

Math is OK. I’m taking Algebra 2, and I’m late to my very first class of the semester. Honors Bio seems fine so far, and I heard from my sophomore friend that it’s easy. My English teacher was really nice.

It turns out that my friend Megan is in my lunch period, so I only stand in the doorway for a second with my dinosaur lunchbox, scanning the room, trying to seem nonchalant, like I’m waiting for my posse of friends to come find me. High school cafeterias seem huge. Megan warns me not to sit by the windows, because that is one of the several places owned by the upperclassmen.

My Mandarin class only has about 15 students in it. One of them is the Sailor Moon girl. There’s also a girl with a dark-brown bob, porcelain skin, large hazel eyes, and a structured dress. I feel messy and not-put-together-enough sitting next to her. I smooth my hair down. I realize soon how much of my Mandarin I’ve lost since I moved from China a year ago.

I rush down the hall. I can’t wait to get out of here and just go home. Everything was exhausting, and I just want to go to bed. A girl glares at me as I walk down the hall–she has spiky black hair and seems vaguely familiar. I give her a quizzical look, and she glances over to a group of preppy, giggly girls and then back to me. I stare back, and she nods as if I should understand before scurrying off. It was a weird five seconds, but I can’t think about that now. I forgot something in my new locker. ♦


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  • Naomi Morris September 5th, 2012 7:25 PM

    i love you <3

    • Naomi Morris September 5th, 2012 7:25 PM

      and i’ll miss your diary so fucking much

      • Katherine September 5th, 2012 8:56 PM

        srsly stay a teen 4 everrrrrrr. Do like that movie 17 again, get a genius brother, and drink sum potion. When you want to grow up you can just jump into a pool that has a magical bath bomb in it. trust me, it’ll work.

        • Ruby B. September 5th, 2012 10:49 PM

          Oh Dylan I am going to miss your diary so much!

    • Caitlin H. September 6th, 2012 4:17 PM

      I’m going to miss Dylan too, you all write so so beautifully.

  • lylsoy September 5th, 2012 7:25 PM

    Dude, I’ll miss Dylans diary entries!! <3

  • PaolaB September 5th, 2012 7:40 PM

    Ruby! I think that girl wanted you to team up with her and kill those preppy girls. Or, she was not a murderer and was just saying how annoying they are with her eyes.

  • Maggie September 5th, 2012 7:46 PM

    I <3 Caitlin
    How do you make black hearts?
    (sounds like a really deep poem- really I mean what's the keyboard shortcut?)

    • isobele September 6th, 2012 9:56 AM

      You do a < and then a 3 = <3 :)

      • isobele September 6th, 2012 9:56 AM

        (except for some reason it didnt work just then)

        • Libby September 6th, 2012 12:31 PM

          or hit the alt key and the 3 on the number keypad at the same time ♥

    • Maggie September 6th, 2012 1:05 PM

      £ thanks!

      • Maggie September 6th, 2012 1:06 PM

        wait, is that a British pound sign?

        • Maggie September 6th, 2012 1:18 PM

          now I feel embarrassed for hijacking the comments section with my incompetence. I just wanted to tell Caitlin that I heart her. THAT’S ALL I WANTED, WORLD

    • Caitlin H. September 6th, 2012 4:16 PM

      It’s okay, I understand, love you too (if this heart doesn’t work then aaargh) <3

  • TotallyRuned September 5th, 2012 7:47 PM

    I know that this will make me sound like a lame-o I’ve-Been-There-Guidance-Counselor but I feel I really need to tell you this. As a person that just finished grad school and is now having a mini post-college life crisis. All this stuff gets better and it will even out. For the first week of college I cried and played bejewled alone in my room and freaked out about everything I didn’t know and was not being asked to do. Most people have this time and it’s uncomfortable and it sucks but; you’re also learning how to deal with new stuff and that is a way more important skill than most of stuff you’ll get from classes.

    I apologize for the lameness. But I wanted to tell you you’re not alone, you’re not a bitch for feeling this way and it will be okay.

    also, here’s a baby duck for you. > :v

  • Miss Erin September 5th, 2012 7:48 PM

    KATHERINE. I really, really know how you feel. Sometimes I just think I’m really incompetent at being A HUMAN BEING. And then I feel like such a whiner for feeling that way. And it can take quite a lot of time to calm down enough to try and make myself realize that the world is still magically spinning through space and I’m probably not going to fuck things up irreparably. Sending you a virtual care package of hugs and gummy bears and sparkly stickers. Try a solo dance party? Sometimes that helps me. xo

  • Morgan September 5th, 2012 7:51 PM

    Bye Dylan, It was so nice getting to know you.

  • Abby September 5th, 2012 7:54 PM


  • Abby September 5th, 2012 8:01 PM

    Also, Katherine, YOU ARE ME. You basically just described everything I’ve been feeling this first week at college. I’m not toatally miserable, but I also would probably be a lot happier at home. There’s really only one person here that I would actually miss if I left, and I just want my old life back, honestly. Sorry. This isn’t MY diary. I’ll stop now.

  • lula September 5th, 2012 8:13 PM

    we’ll miss you terribly, dylan!

  • caro nation September 5th, 2012 8:22 PM

    Dylan… the fucking coolest.

  • mar9ar3t September 5th, 2012 8:41 PM

    Ruby- my first day of high school was yesterday. The whole time I just wanted to curl up into a little ball and sleep. When I finally got home I watched 30 Rock in my bed because only Liz lemon could console me. Today was a little better though.

  • RainingMiceAndMen September 5th, 2012 8:45 PM

    DYLAAAAN! You gave me so many love vibes this past year, so here are love vibes back! <>
    Naomi, I enjoy your room very much because you have a bulletin board and your books are organized by color and you have a cat.
    Ruby! The first few weeks of freshman year sucked for me, but hopefully you’ll meet cool people in choir and Mandarin, I met all of my friends through band. And the spiky haired girl sounds like she is trying to be your friend in an I’m-a-teen-and-I-don’t-wanna-act-like-I-want-friends sort of way. I do that.

  • Blythe September 5th, 2012 8:49 PM

    Aww, I really liked Dylan’s entries! Didn’t you just replace someone else? Who’s going to replace Dylan? …Can I?

    • Anaheed September 6th, 2012 2:33 AM

      Yeah, we just replaced the wonderful Minna with the wonderful Caitlin.

      Send us a submission, Blythe!

      • dianeisnotmyname September 6th, 2012 6:38 AM

        wait, so if we want to be a diary writer (diarist?) we can submit a diary entry?

        • Anaheed September 6th, 2012 12:15 PM

          No — we’re not taking specific diary submissions. Before Ruby joined us we had four diarists for a long time, and we’re going to back to that for the foreseeable future.

          But most of our staffers come from our submissions mailbox, so if you want to write for Rookie in any form you should submit something to us.

      • Blythe September 12th, 2012 8:01 PM

        Aah, oh gosh, that was mostly a joke.

  • Tyknos93 September 5th, 2012 9:35 PM

    Dylan please write a little longer! I really kinda look up to your tales of early adulthood, seasoned college life, and figuring shit out. Just because you’re not a teen, doesn’t mean you don’t have things to share :( I hope there will be more from you on the site.

    • Anaheed September 5th, 2012 11:38 PM

      Dylan is gonna be writing for us constantly, guys, don’t worry!

  • Adrienne September 5th, 2012 9:49 PM

    Dylan!! Your entries will be greatly missed.

  • junebug September 5th, 2012 9:50 PM

    Dylan, do not gooooooooo we need your twentysomething life experiences even more than your teenage ones agh

  • Skatapus September 5th, 2012 9:55 PM

    Ooh, Katherine please don’t feel bad for complaining! It’s actually really reassuring to see someone sharing about the bad as well as the good, helps me to remember that everyone has crummy weeks where things just seem to be against them, even glamorous Rookie diarists. It’s realistic and relatable. Everyone needs an occasion just to vent and let it all out. Hope your college experience starts looking up. <3

  • Imogen-Rose September 5th, 2012 10:02 PM

    Katherine, you don’t have to feel bad for complaining about a pretty-awful sounding week. Hopefully next week will be better!

  • Maialuna September 5th, 2012 10:04 PM

    Bye bye Dylan. I’ll miss your diary entries, they’ve been wonderful. And yes, I have been living vicariously through you.

  • Lulu September 5th, 2012 10:15 PM


  • Dylan September 5th, 2012 10:28 PM

    Thank you SO MUCH everyone. Rookie readers are the raddest!

    Katterin, if it makes you feel any better, I felt the exact way my first semester, especially because I went to a school I didn’t have my heart in. You’ll find your place and it will feel so rad when you do. POWER THROUUUGHHH! You can DOOO!

  • Kristen September 5th, 2012 11:09 PM

    Katherine, I totally get what youre going through. I just moved to college in a big city and its so easy to feel insignificant and stupid and lame… and the friends thing is weird too, like how does one make friends fast? Will I ever make any REAL friends? how long is all of this smalltalk going to last?

    I don’t know, just know that I’m reading and relating, and I’m sure a bunch of others are too.

  • Yellie September 6th, 2012 1:18 AM

    Katherine, I just started college yesterday and i all ready feel so isolated. I know nobody there. one of my first year courses everyone is so much older than me… ahhhh college is scary. And i’m usually confident enough but i don’t understand anything about this place so i just sit on a bench by the golf course for the three hours between my classes and its really cold, and the crows won’t leave me alone, eventually i’ll have to go inside. D:

    • Rarity September 7th, 2012 4:17 AM

      Hey, I’m sure you hear this all the time but I just want to let you know: college will be a good experience. It’s really intimidating at first, but you will SO get the hang of it and everything will work out. It might be scary when you’re in a class with upperclassmen, but, hey, that just means that you’re ahead of your time (pretty impressive if you ask me). Last year, it felt like suddenly I was a dumb kid thrown into a place where everyone was smart, but one day I just decided to do my best to learn! No one expects you to be a dazzling College Student right away. You’ll find your friends, you’ll enroll in classes that you love, and you will have a great time. Cut yourself some slack, okay?

      And don’t let the crows get you down.

  • courtney.j September 6th, 2012 4:56 AM

    Dylan, I have read every single bit of your diary over the past year. I swear I’m not a creep. At the start I read everyones entries but after a few months I decided your’s were the ones I’d live vicariuosly through.
    You’ve inspired me in more ways than one and through you I’ve finally seen that the ultimate last teenage year is acheivable, even with a few mishaps.
    See ya round.

  • Garance September 6th, 2012 5:13 AM

    This is such a bad news that you stop to write your diary. I’m a french girl, same age than you and you diary was my favorite, this is the one I identified the most (my parents are divorced too, I’m living on my own too and doing artistic stydies too (cinema, bit different but still artistic )). It was really great to see that on the other side of the world somebody is going through the same difficulties and joys about building her life. You diary make me think about my life in a positive way, thx a lot ! I wish you all the best for your future !

    • Dylan September 6th, 2012 8:54 PM

      I don’t even know what to say, my heart is so warm because of all these sweet words…I love you guys

  • AliciaG September 6th, 2012 5:59 AM

    Ruby, that final was awesome. Intriguing…

  • dramallama September 6th, 2012 6:48 AM

    hey if you guys are choosing new diarists, should I email in a diary sorta thingy??? and also dylan don’t leave you’re amaaazing and fabulous and your diaries are the shizz

  • Juniper September 6th, 2012 10:46 AM

    Katherine!!!! I feel for you so so so badly!! My luck has been terrible the first few weeks of college also! Just try to stay positive.

  • GlitterKitty September 6th, 2012 4:18 PM

    Dylannnnnnn don’t go!!!!! I identify with your diaries so much and totally live vicariously through them. I hope once I leave high school and become (gasp!) an adult, I’ll be as rad as you.

  • Helenus September 6th, 2012 5:28 PM

    Katherine, I’m sorry to say this, but you definitely deserved to get your ass handed to you for not knowing who Marcel Proust is. He’s a legend.

    • Dylan September 7th, 2012 3:10 AM

      College is for learning. Not shaming.

      • Helenus September 9th, 2012 11:48 PM

        I wasn’t trying to shame anyone. I was just surprised that someone who seems pretty well-read for her age hadn’t heard of Proust. Kinda like when you meet someone who’s never listened to an iconic band that you really love.

  • selinau September 8th, 2012 3:55 AM


    Those weeks when nothing goes right. Familiar? Yes. But luckily afterwards you can just laugh to everything that you thought was the end of the world and eat ice cream while watching a bad movie. And that’s nice.

  • Cutesycreator aka Monica September 8th, 2012 7:36 AM

    I’m gonna miss your diary entries so much, Dylan. <3 <3 <3

  • mokgadi September 8th, 2012 4:04 PM

    Dylan, your entries were so relateable, gonna miss them maaaaajorly :( Hope to see tons more stuff by you though <3

  • Lizmaster3000 September 11th, 2012 8:20 PM

    Awww Katherine. It’s okay. You’re an excellent french student and, uh, did we not BULLSHIT every single day of French last year? I’m pretty sure we did…