Dear Diary

September 26, 2012

Sometimes new is better.


On Thursday I went to a concert that Thee Oh Sees and Ty Segall were headlining. It was in this bike shop, and it lasted seven hours. For the first hour, I felt like the girl who went to the prom alone. In between acts, I’d move from place to place in order to get out of someone’s way and avoid looking weird. I was observing. I observed the mom-ish looking figure sitting in the corner, and the people roaming around wearing denim jackets with patches that said “Rat Patrol.” They walked around like they owned the place. You were aware of their presence the whole time, like when you look in a mirror and all you see is the really red zit. I chose to watch them for most of the night. I had to know who they were.

I was standing in a miasma of smoke, and the place was cloaked in this amber light. It made me feel like everything around me was really beautiful, even though I felt out of place. After the first act, two guys told me I looked lonely and offered to buy me beer. “Cool, sure,” I said, brushing some of my hair back. Seeing the x’s on my hands, one of them said, “Ohhh, you’re a baybeeeee. Baby x’s on your baby hands.” They walked away. I spat on my palms and started scrubbing. I had three missions: look less out of place, talk to someone, and learn more about Rat Patrol.

A few minutes later, a girl came up to me and told me she liked my eyeliner. I made a comment about one of the opening bands. She laughed and said something about wanting to know what Rat Patrol was. She offered me a cigarette. At this point, I had accomplished two of my missions. Cigarettes are stupid and will kill you and have zero ability to make you cool or whatever, but having one gives you the ability to socialize and roam about more freely. They’re magic wands of camaraderie.

We hung out some more, and I found out that she and this guy she was with went to my school. We swapped numbers. She told me that I should hang out with them Friday night: “Ohmygod. You have to meet my friend Kate. He’s, like, not even a real person. I’m going to text you, and you’re going to hang with us tomorrow night. I can’t believe I met you here. This is, like, destiny.” She then yelled “destiny” to the sky.

We stayed together for the rest of the night. In between acts, we smoked outside and talked about music, bad TV, and our school. And just because we were there and had a lighter, people would come talk to us.

She left before the last act, so I went and sat outside next to a bonfire. I looked around and saw those kids with the denim jackets. One of them said goodbye to his friends before riding away on a mutant bicycle that was twice his height. It must have felt like flying.

The people I met never texted me, but I don’t really care, because they didn’t owe me anything. I had a good time and figured out how not to be a mopey loser when I go out solo. It temporarily pulled me out of the funk I was in. Yeah, going alone was lame, but I think it’s good to just do things so you don’t drown in a pathetic pool of self-pity. And if I had the confidence to do this, maybe I have the courage to talk to the kids in my lit class whom I think are cool. ♦


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  • Dylan September 26th, 2012 7:34 PM

    I love you Katherine, it freaks me out how much so

    • Katherine September 26th, 2012 8:57 PM

      God, thanks, I love you too. Get out of the hood and into the (dolly)wood plz.

  • Maggie September 26th, 2012 7:44 PM


  • RainingMiceAndMen September 26th, 2012 7:51 PM

    KATHERINE! We are the same person! My friends drag me to all kinds of music gigs where I don’t know anybody, and it’s super awkward, but I like the way you handled it.

    I would do the same, but smoking might make my lungs explode.

  • Kristen September 26th, 2012 8:10 PM

    Katherine, that night sounds SO Andrea Marr from Girl oh my god

  • Emmie September 26th, 2012 8:11 PM

    go Katherine go! You should text them! I really want you to have a good year:)

  • MissKnowItAll September 26th, 2012 8:24 PM

    Ruby. YOu have no idea how much I loved reading this.
    I joined my school’s drama club this week. wish me luck

  • kelse645 September 26th, 2012 8:26 PM

    I absolutely love this article! It’s always awesome to go new places and meet new people, and like you said, refreshing!

  • Eryn September 26th, 2012 8:41 PM

    OMG Caitlin I love everything you do. Seriousllyyy. <3

  • scin September 26th, 2012 8:47 PM

    katherine, i was totally at that show. i don’t live in your city but travel there on my own a lot and used to always be alone at shows. sometimes still, but i’ve slowly made friends just the same way as you. just keep doing it! i was with pals thursday night, but every time i saw a girl alone in the crowd (maybe you!) i thought “yay! what a cool chick!”

  • Katherine September 26th, 2012 8:55 PM

    Llama Sanchez is so omg great.

    • Ruby B. September 26th, 2012 9:59 PM

      YOU are so omg great

  • guiltfreedonut September 26th, 2012 10:11 PM

    Caitlin, I love your photo diaries. They’re so poetic!

    • Caitlin H. September 27th, 2012 6:02 AM


  • giov September 26th, 2012 10:38 PM

    The one time I went to a concert alone I ended up standing next to the singer from Belle and Sebastian (you know, Stuart Murdoch) in a tiny venue, awkwardly staring at him all night, as I’m wont to do. Fun times.

    • Tavi September 26th, 2012 10:39 PM


      • TinaBallerina September 27th, 2012 4:39 AM

        Yes, omg. I would probably do the same. I actually stand around staring awkwardly at people all the time. Especially my crush. Piazza New York Catcher is so pretty and comforting. Plus Expectations always cheers me up, don’t know why :)

        Also, I’ve submitted a diary entry a couple of weeks ago, but haven’t received any answer. Should I send it again?

      • danya September 28th, 2012 3:13 AM

        Stuart Murdoch 4 Grown man!

  • lucylu September 27th, 2012 12:18 AM

    i feel like you do. I just started high school in the US and while everyone is new, they all seem to know each other from clubs outside school. i am starting to make friends though, but i feel like i need to meet everyone to be able to fit into the right group.

  • ivoire September 27th, 2012 2:41 AM

    Thats so awesome ruby! Go Llama Sanchez!

    • Caitlin H. September 27th, 2012 6:03 AM


  • hollysh September 27th, 2012 2:44 AM

    AH KATHERINE YOU TOTALLY LIVE IN MY OLD CITY! Rat Patrol are a common fixture there. Were any of them wearing weird fake tails? All I know about them is they are dirty, are sort of a bike gang and maybe live in a really gross house together? I never really found out more when I lived there despite being suuuuper curious.

    • Katherine September 27th, 2012 10:03 PM

      You should totally google their website if you’re still super curious. I heard a girl say she lost her tail at one point and it made me laugh because I think that Avril Lavigne maybe might have worn a wolf tail once. I dunno if she was in RP, though. They have an old house for their headquarters.

    • bethleeroth September 28th, 2012 12:42 PM

      That description of Rat Patrol sounds SO Athens, Georgia-y, lol. “Live in a gross house together” that so sounds like people who would live here. I’m laughing so hard.

  • nickz September 27th, 2012 12:49 PM

    I had a weird day today and after I arrived home form school I was actually wondering if there are any new diary articles on rookie.
    Yous always make my day ;)

  • katrina September 28th, 2012 3:00 AM

    Katherine! I literally just got back from a Thee Oh Sees and Ty Segall concert! Though obviously in a different city. I hope the venue you were at had as much stage diving and moshing as the one tonight did! Even if they didn’t text you, that’s awesome! and respect to you for going by yourself.

  • bethleeroth September 28th, 2012 12:43 PM


  • Cutesycreator aka Monica September 29th, 2012 1:47 PM

    Love all the diary entries this week! :)

    • Cutesycreator aka Monica September 29th, 2012 1:48 PM

      PS Llama Sanchez sounds like the coolest band EVER

  • Peanutpug October 4th, 2012 4:20 PM

    what’s with the ”baby x’s” on your hands? i don’t get that ? i really admire you for going to a gig on your own. i see that as such a brave thing to do :)