Dear Diary

August 22, 2012

Greetings, salutations, and questionable pork. (And please welcome new diarist Caitlin!)


I woke up early―easily. Mum was taking Dad to the eye hospital again. She would be back soon, leaving Dad for his checkup. There were university-related Facebook updates―I didn’t take much notice. I turned on the news while I got ready―but I can’t remember one piece of news that day. I gathered my things, got my bike, put David Bowie on; I was as ready as I could be. I just needed to get to school, on my bike, for the first time ever, for the last time ever. On my own.

I was taking ownership of the whole situation. I could roll in there, and roll out. I just wanted my results, though I still couldn’t comprehend that I’d taken my exams. Not until I was handed my sheet of paper. It felt great.

I was the freest I’ve ever been―it took going back to school, this place that used to feel so scary to me, to realise that. This time, it was just a building. No one hated me; no one conspired against me. I wasn’t invested in what any person thought. I’d changed.

I was lucky enough to see the people I cared about most, and they were satisfied too. Especially Kathleen, my best friend, who’d gotten into her top-choice university with an A*. I stuck out my middle fingers to the big hall where we’d taken our exams, we tightly hugged, and she waited with me to see my results. Then she told me she was proud of me, and I believed her.

I rode my bike home part of the way with one of my oldest friends, Claire. It was something I’d wished I could do after school every day, but “after school” didn’t exist for me like that. When I was in school, I had often left early or was driven home. Then I just wasn’t there at all. But I did it for this last time.

There were things about not going to school like a regular girl that made me feel wistful, things I had missed out on, but they didn’t matter now. It was all finally over. All being that whole school experience. I rode downhill towards home with the wind shaking all those regrets out of my hair. It was done.

In the front drive I rang my bell so Mum could see me―smiling on my bike. I shouted “A B C!” when she opened the door. Our hug was the warmest I’ve felt all summer.

So that’s that. That was when I realised how free I can be. ♦


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  • Emmie August 22nd, 2012 7:57 PM

    Katherine, the first few weeks of college were sucky and overwhelming for me. it seemed like everyone was making friends and having an awesome time while i had a few awkward acquaintances and roommates who loved trash tv a little to genuinely. i really encourage you to embrace the situation, though. It sounds sleezy and guidance counselor-y, but in my experience, deciding things suck and choosing to quit or leave before you give them a full chance is not the best approach.. because then you pin all your hopes on the next thing being awesome. And usually crazy new and different things aren’t that awesome in the beginning. If i could talk to every nervous incoming freshman, I would tell them to talk to everyone, even the people that you think you won’t like. Everyone, regardless of how calm and at ease they look, is scared and nervous and in desperate need of friends. If you take the initiative and approach people, you will get friends. even if they aren’t the type of people you would have thought. Freshman year is the best time for making tons of friends, which will subsequently whittle down into your core group. I’m confident you’ll have a better time soon! (unless you are having an awesome time and just felt a bit bleh when you wrote this.) I hope this isn’t to lecture-y and stuff, but I want you to have a brilliant time. And I guarantee you can if you get out there and show people how cool you are. College just got progressively better for me, until I was one of THOSE people nearly in tears when I graduated this may. carpe diem! And good luck!

    • Emmie August 22nd, 2012 10:51 PM

      good god, so many errors on too!

  • WitchesRave August 22nd, 2012 8:00 PM

    Dylan, can you please write a novel about your life so far, it seriously sounds like a dream.. :’) and your mentor-shop lady bond reminded me of pretty in pink

    • Tiger August 22nd, 2012 8:37 PM

      DYLAN. YES. Write and publish your life story:)

  • Emmy August 22nd, 2012 8:25 PM

    Ruby, don’t worry! You’ll still be the same person after the test.

  • actressgirl August 22nd, 2012 8:46 PM

    Ruby, what I want to know is why you were taking the test? That seems more interesting then the test itself. Oh and I forgot to tell you as a theater person and a Harry Potter fan it’s totally awsome and I am totally jealous that you got to be Malfoy

  • Juniper August 22nd, 2012 8:53 PM

    I move into my dorm room tomorrow.
    I’m so afraid.
    Good luck Katherine! Sending Rookie love your way!

  • bugaleeto August 22nd, 2012 10:07 PM

    My brother moved in to college today. I still cant believe I wont see him until thanksgiving! I keep expecting him to come downstairs and start playing video games with my other siblings and I…

  • Amy Rose August 22nd, 2012 11:05 PM

    Greetings and salutations to YOU, Caitlin (and Christian Slater…is he a part of our staff now? FINGS CROSSED)

    • Caitlin H. August 23rd, 2012 3:09 AM

      Hello- yes, we come as a package!

  • Dylan August 23rd, 2012 12:06 AM

    hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii Caitliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiin

  • guiltfreedonut August 23rd, 2012 12:16 AM

    WAIT DYLAN I LOVE THE PRETTY PARLOR! I lived in Seattle for a few years and it was one of my favorite spots in the city. I also know that soccer field, the one with the fence in Capitol Hill? And that record store. I felt like you sort of described my thoughts while driving through Seattle when I went back once.

    (PS. I’m hoping it was only an accident that Cupcake Royale was not included in this?)

    • Dylan August 23rd, 2012 2:24 AM

      Fuck me I went there today they sell red velvet ice cream now ugh dammit it’s good

  • jill August 23rd, 2012 12:44 AM


  • Narita August 23rd, 2012 1:40 AM

    Hey, Ruby. I had to do that too, just a few months ago, and it had to do with a diagnosis too. I did them all pretty quick which left them in amazement, kinda. They didn’t tell me my IQ though, just that I was ‘really smart and above average’ blahh. You’ll be okay, you’re a smart one.

  • Lucille August 23rd, 2012 3:51 AM

    hi Caitlinnnn!

  • dancinginthetrees August 23rd, 2012 4:01 AM

    Dylan- I’m 20, and I just moved to Seattle last fall to go to school. I go to Cornish, so Capitol Hill is my neighborhood now. I just got my first apartment up on the hill last weekend. :) I’ve been feeling a lot of what you’ve been talking about in regards to my own hometown- which is nothing like Seattle, but incredibly beautiful in a different way. Finishing being a teenager is scary and exciting and I’m barely figuring it out. I wish you so much luck on your new LA adventure, and reading this just made me so excited to keep exploring and discovering all the things you love so much.

  • julalondon August 23rd, 2012 7:36 AM

    I think i already love you, Caitlin!=)

  • hellorose August 23rd, 2012 8:52 AM

    that’s fantastic naomi, congratulations! when i got my a level results four years ago (!!!) the school asked a few of us to come in really really early so the paper could take photos of us. somewhere on the evening standard website is immortalised a very fake hug between me, my friend, and another girl. weirdly though, after all the build up, getting those final grades felt a little flat. i felt the same getting my degree results in june. a relief, but not really a surprised. then the other day i was cleaning my teeth and suddenly felt a huge burst of elation – i got through a truly miserable university experience with an actual degree. wahoo!
    (and now i never ever have to go back!!)

  • youarebananas August 23rd, 2012 11:12 AM

    DYLAN your post is so beautiful. i visited seattle last summer and fell in love and this makes me want to go back so badly! thanks for writing this!

  • smilingrottenflesh August 23rd, 2012 2:03 PM

    Caitlin your tumblr is EVERYTHING!

    That is all. c:

  • kirsten August 23rd, 2012 2:22 PM

    The Pretty Parlor is the BEST. Definitely hitting it up when I go down to Seattle for Bumbershoot!

  • yourenotfunny August 23rd, 2012 3:33 PM

    Naomi, your entries are probably my favorites, partly because of your lovely writing style, and partly because over the past year my social anxiety has hit a difficult high, and it kind of helps to hear about someone who has similar feelings. School starts this Monday for me, and even though I wish I didn’t have to go back, I’m not so scared anymore.

  • ifrah August 23rd, 2012 5:25 PM

    dyl pickle, this was beautiful. i think it is necessary to let go of seattle angst and to just love the city and have as much fun as you can. we’ve talked about this before, but growing up in this city and in the circles we’ve grown up in makes you super jaded but now that we are on the other side of all of it, we can see how silly the whole thing was. both good silly and bad silly. i completely understand the love/hate relationship with Seattle. maybe we will just learn to love it even more as we grow older and become different people. you’ve done a lot in the first 19 years of life. happy to be celebrating this next chapter with you. see ya tonight! xx

    p.s. you forgot your annual after Christmas party, rancho bravo, the holy mountain, the 11 bus, denny blaine, house shows, etc etc etc :P

  • JessJ August 23rd, 2012 6:26 PM

    Dylan – My boyfriend turns 20 on the 24th too! (So, in like, half an hour) Being old is so scary.

  • airplanes.books August 23rd, 2012 10:06 PM

    pretty parlor! vincent!

  • allier August 25th, 2012 9:31 PM

    I love in the description for the post “do-do-do-DOOO”. Am I the only on who may or may not have sung it out loud, complete with air trumpet playing.
    No? just me? ok.

  • NF4awesome September 30th, 2012 11:17 PM

    Hi Ruby! I’m curious as to what type of Neuropsychological test you took.