Dear Diary

August 15, 2012

Nothing stays the same.

Naomi

The end of summer is coming. I knew this would happen, and I am really feeling the Tame Impala song where “nothing ever changes,” but “everything is changing.”

It’s the end of summer, of carelessness, when the exam results come out. Yet it’s also the beginning—the beginning of the next phase. I didn’t like my old school, so I left and did my own studies at home. I only went back to sit for the actual exams, and on the 16th, I’ll have to return for the last time to collect those results. The last LAST time. I want some kind of ceremony, someone to throw confetti over me as I leave, and a banner saying “Well Done for Surviving.” I am pretty sure, though, there will be no ceremony or celebration for me personally. No party invites, no big ideas, no huge sense of achievement. And that’s OK. I always feel like I haven’t achieved anything. But I have.

Now I am sort of “moving on” to a new place for my last year before university, a new building of education (otherwise known as school, but I don’t like that word). I’ll have to make big decisions about where to go next and whether I even want to go anywhere, decisions that I’ve been able to delay for a year. I feel like an elastic band stretched far, far away from all of that, but slowly moving back towards it. When the first day of the new term arrives, I feel I’ll be snapped right back into place. It might hurt.

I am glad I don’t have to go back to my old school. But how do I explain this gap to new people? I guess I could say “it was an early gap year” or “I hated my old school” or “they kicked me out.” I’ve already said these in my head, looking for a sentence to silence anyone who asks why I am a year older than everybody, rather than explain my whole complicated history. But then, they’d only have to read my Rookie diaries to know this.

So I am in an awkward position. I am waiting, I am in anticipation, I want to know my exam results right now. But I am pushing all of that away, too. I want more time. To do what, I don’t exactly know. But I always want more time. ♦

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15 Comments

  • GlitterKitty August 15th, 2012 7:13 PM

    If I could, I would totally throw confetti around and make a banner for you Naomi.

  • EmilyJn August 15th, 2012 7:46 PM

    Good luck for your exam results (AS results I’m guessing?) tomorrow Naomi! I’m getting mine as well….agh!

  • Eryn August 15th, 2012 8:32 PM

    Can a preteen Rookie please tell Dylan that she is their hero?

  • bugaleeto August 15th, 2012 8:53 PM

    Minnaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!! Im so sad that you wont be a diarist anymore! Thought your last diary was so awsome and good.

  • I.ila August 15th, 2012 9:18 PM

    Nooo! Minna, we’ll all miss you so much! I can’t wait to see more of your work on Rookie!

  • Abby August 15th, 2012 11:44 PM

    Katherine, I feel you. I leave on the 23rd, and I’m… scared and excited and apprehensive and nervous, among many other emotions. It’s pretty terrifying to go to live with strangers 10 hours away from your home, and I’m definitely feeling that terror. And thinking about trying to make friends??? Even more terrifying. But with any luck, we will get through it :).

  • ivoire August 16th, 2012 1:51 AM

    omg minna!!!!!

  • Lucille August 16th, 2012 3:29 AM

    Ruby, can’t wait you to come back home and start writing posts again!: )

    http://fashion-babel.blogspot.com

  • Hannah. August 16th, 2012 6:43 AM

    Dylan, it’s really nice to hear that you feel like that. Which sounds mean! But I mean I just feel like you described my life I just feel so defeated and them randomly lazy and I like how you just have a cool life because when I get like that I feel like I will just die before anything I wanted too ever happens or that I’ll just never leave Canberra and Ill become a public servant like the rest of the city. Anyway thanks gurrl. You always make me happy.

  • Emelie August 16th, 2012 6:55 AM

    Katherine, good luck with starting college! Your required alcohol education course sounds like the one I had to do before my freshman year. Our version had a cartoon frog named “Hoppy” who would chime in every four slides to remind us that “One cup is NOT one drink!” People were still imitating Hoppy’s cheerful exhortations when they were seniors.

    Which is not to say that there’s not useful information in those classes, and that drinking safely is really, really important, but the heavy-handed, middle school aesthetic of the AlcoholEdu system makes it perfect as an icebreaker when you’re trying to meet other fabulous new freshmen.

    Also, backpacks in college = good. Definitely bring a backpack. It saves so much time trudging back and forth to your dorm, and it’s great for smuggling bagels into the library.

    • Mim September 12th, 2012 9:01 PM

      Some college libraries entirely allow food!

  • Naomi August 16th, 2012 10:10 AM

    i got an A in history, a B in politics and C in english lit (the irony) !! i am pleased

  • Rhiannon August 16th, 2012 4:16 PM

    Congratulations Naomi!! :) I got my results today aswell and felt pleased too but I totally get what you mean…
    The end of summer is looming and I have no idea what to do with myself

  • DE August 16th, 2012 11:06 PM

    Naomi fist off you like Tame Impala!!! Second I went to boarding school art year which I absolutely hated. The school was full of close minded elitists who I had nothing in common with, I was homesick all year, isolated and wanting so badly to take part in some sort of discussion that actually made me think. By the middle of the year I had developed serious anxiety and depression. I had my first anxiety attack and thought I was going to die. I continued to have anxiety attacks for the rest of the year. Nobody understood or helped me. The first time I told my mom she thought it was all in my head. I felt completely alone. Finally my mom did some research on anxiety and believed me. I started to go to doctors and get help. It was finally decided that I return home. Now I have a week before my new school starts and am becoming more and more anxious and facing the same problems as you. I don’t really know why I’m sharing all this on but i just had this weird aha! moment where i realized I’m not the only one. thank you.

  • guiltfreedonut August 20th, 2012 10:05 PM

    MINNA! I will so miss your gorgeous collages but I’m glad you’ll still be illustrating.

    http://www.guiltfreedonut.com