I do NOT want to go to my current school next year. I don’t want to be with these people. There are four or five, perhaps, that I like. I can’t even really call all of them friends. That’s because they aren’t. We are just mutually tolerant.
Everyone knows about what’s happened this year, so everyone will keep feeling sorry for me and tiptoeing around like I’m about to explode. And everyone seems to be the same. New people will come, sure, but they’ll be exactly like the old ones within a week. Pessimism and realism seem to be very similar. Sorry. I have nothing in common with anyone, and I feel that will never change unless I move to the little town I used to live in, in which I have at least one built-in friend.
I went on the school music trip to New Hampshire on Friday. I actually had fun. We performed (to an empty auditorium) and then went to a run-down but quaint amusement park that seemed to be covered in peeling green paint. I talked on the bus for hours with some of the people I don’t detest. I had a good time, but I need a change. I can’t keep pretending this is normal.
I am not extremely unpopular at school or anything. I was nominated to give the graduation speech this year (as if middle school counts) by my peers. I get a lot of his these days. I just feel like an outsider who happens to be somewhat liked.
People act uncomfortable around me. I don’t blame them. They feel bad for me. I wish they wouldn’t. But then again, I wish someone would stop pretending nothing happened. I want someone to talk to. I can’t trust or relate to anyone here. I need to go. ♦