My goal in life is for there to be no valid reason for anyone to dislike me. You know, except if they be jealousssssss. That makes my ambition twofold: to be as awesome as possible, and to stay out of any gossip zones or touchy situations. I don’t want anyone to be able to back up their negative opinion of me with something I did to them. If you don’t like me because of my high-pitched voice or how I laugh at my own jokes or how I post a lot of stuff on Facebook (even though I’m GREAT at it), that’s your deal. I just don’t want anyone to ever be able to say, “I don’t like her because she talked shit/spread a secret/stole my foxy boyfriend. WHATTABITCH.”
Therefore, I’ve taken strides in my youthhood to avoid shit-talking anyone, which has helped a lot in the hotbed of gossip that is all-girls high school. Staying neutral is staying safe, and I left enemy free. Now that I’m well out of high school, though, I’ve been more…open about talking about people, since my social world is bigger and more complicated and worth the conversation. Truthfully, I’m uncomfortable with how much I’ve been talking about people behind their backs lately. I feel like I’m breaking my own code, but I wonder if it’s really that much of a problem? When is talking about someone specifically “shit-talking”?
There have been more than a few times in the past year when people close to me have put me on edge. Passive aggression drives me insane, which I know is ironic, because I’m telling you about my secretive venting, but it’s been an issue with family, friends, and even some Important Adult Figures. My way of dealing with negative feeling about friends has been to go to another close person and vent about it. Other people must talk about me, too. Venting is OK, right?
I’m cautious about my reputation, I guess. Not only do I want to avoid opportunities for anyone to think of me as that kind of person, but once I catch myself being gratuitously analytical, I feel super shitty. I worry that I’m being a bitch and that anyone might have reason to be mad at me. I guess the moral of the story is if I’m going to talk about anyone in private about something that’s bothering me, I should probably speak with them directly at some point. That, and be damn sure that I don’t give anyone anything to say about me. I mean, unless they’re just jealousssss. ♦