The weekend before last, I went to a graduation party for about 15 girls in my grade. There was loud music, a tower of cupcakes, and OHMYGOD PARTIES ARE SO HARD. Especially ones where you can’t even remember whom the party’s for. I congratulated several girls who let me know that they were DEFINITELY NOT a part of the group. I mean, did I honestly believe they would play this much Katy Perry at a party? How silly of me!

It was also super difficult to navigate because the music (a lot of Katy Perry and this one song about a city of boobs?) was SO loud that it was nearly impossible to have a conversation with anyone. It basically disabled me from using the WIT and CHARM that I usually rely on to get me through these tough partying times. Unable to speak, I had to spend a considerable amount of time on the dance floor. Which was also hard, because dancing to a song about a “bitch” from some terrifying place called “rack city” is upsetting and against my constitution. I spent most of the party wandering around from group to group and trying to talk above the blaring music, with brief intervals of dancing in between. I saw this one kid I used to kind of be friends with and tried to say hi to him to multiple times throughout the night. EACH TIME, the kid did not respond. At all. Maybe I was too quiet and the music was too loud. Maybe his eyesight has become extremely impaired since we last spoke and he couldn’t even see me. Maybe everyone I used to be friends with is now avoiding me completely. Right before he left he passed me and was all, “Oh hi Katherine.” When I asked him a question, he responded with, “Yeah. I have to go home now.” SURE YOU DO, BOOBFACE.

Not long after that, I made up some excuse of my parents wanting me home, said one or two goodbyes, and ran for the door. The whole car ride home, I envisioned the type of person I wish I was at these parties. Graceful. Audible. A ballin’ dancer. How does one navigate these things? Also, how does one obtain mind powers so that they can force a DJ to play some Beyoncé instead of that heinous song from Footloose? Until I can learn social graces or sorcery, I may never feel at ease. ♦