Fun

What’s Cool With You?

Another round of emails from our favorite Cool Aunt and Cool Uncle.

My Aunt Debbie and Uncle Mitch are the best, and I love them. They love me too, though they have very different ways of showing it, as evidenced by this recent round of emails:

1/23/12
Dear Evie,
I feel like it has been forever and a day since we’ve emailed! I know you prefer to text, but I’m just not a fan. I find that it just makes a mess of things, texting. A woman from my office, Carol, tried to send a text to her husband, asking him to buy bread on the way home, and somehow it came out as “buy beds for the war horse.” Can you imagine? Not to say that the War Horse doesn’t deserve a nice bed, what with all he went through. Did you see War Horse? It was so moving! Of course, your uncle Mitch hated it. He called it “Snore Horse.” Typical Mitch!
Lots of love,
Aunt Debbie

1/27/12
Dear Evie,
So…do you have any interesting plans tomorrow night? No big deal, just curious!
XO,
Aunt Debbie

1/27/12
Evelyn—
Your mom totally sold you out and everyone knows you have a date tomorrow night. I promise to keep Aunt Debbie and her camera away from your house, the movie theater, and all local ice cream establishments if you promise to follow two rules. One: if this person acts like a jerk, to you or anyone else, you get the hell out of there and never look back. Two: don’t go see War Horse. I’d hate for you to die of boredom.
Nonstop Punk Rock,
Uncle Mitch

1/29/12
Dear Evie,
Uncle Mitch made me promise not to ask about your big night out, so I won’t. But I will say that your mother had the loveliest things to say about your date, which makes me very happy. You deserve the best! Did I ever tell you about my first date with Uncle Mitch? He took me to the planetarium. It was so boring! Good thing I gave him a second chance, huh? What’s the cool thing with you these days? Let me know!
Your favorite aunt,
Aunt Debbie

1/29/12
E—
The planetarium? Is that what she said? She’s totally lying—I took her to Laser Floyd for our first date, and she was higher than a kite because she thought the guy standing outside the museum selling brownies was running a “concession stand.” She started trying to grab the lasers halfway through “The Great Gig in the Sky,” and then began yelling, “This Moon sure smells a lot like industrial carpeting!” until the ushers politely asked us to leave. The moral of the story is this: DO NOT buy brownies from a dude named Rainbow who is selling “concessions” out of his Datsun. There is a high probability that he is not, in fact, affiliated with the museum. (Ha ha ha, high probability. P.S: Don’t tell your aunt that I told you this story. She will send me to the Great Gig in the Sky.)
Rave On,
Uncle Mitch

2/3/12
Darling Evie—
Do you know what song I like? That one Rihanna song about finding love in the home of Space. Not sure what it means, exactly, but it makes me want to dance! Who are you listening to these days? I need some new “tunes” for my iPod.
Hope all is well, seashell!
XO
Auntie D.

2/4/12
Dearest Evie—
A hopeless place! That makes much more sense, though it makes the song a bit sad, no? I thought “the home of Space” was some kind of sci-fi thing. I usually don’t like songs about space, for reasons I’d rather not explain. Moon songs, in particular, really freak me out. Don’t ask!!! Thanks for sending along that Sleigh Bells video! Great stuff. How cool is that lead singer?!! Wow! What a great jacket!!!! I can’t stop thinking about it!
XO,
Aunt Debbie
P.S. Is the song supposed to be that fuzzy, or are my speakers broken?

2/9/12
Evie—
I assume you’re responsible for whatever led your aunt to believe it was cool for her to buy a studded leather jacket to wear to the grocery store?
Keep On Rockin’ in the Free World,
Uncle M.
P.S. Not going to lie, it is kind of awesome.

2/10/12
Dear Evie—
It’s awards season! The best time of year! Do you have any favorites going into the Grammys or Oscars? I hope that Adele wins everything. Poor Adele! She just sounds so sad. Someone really broke her heart. I hope she wins all of the awards and then makes a record called “Ha Ha, I Won All of These Awards.” That will teach her ex a thing or two! As for the Oscars, I am rooting for the War Horse, because he was brave and smart and he made me cry. But apparently you can’t nominate a horse for an Academy Award, which is bullcorn.
Tired of bullcorn,
Aunt Debbie
P.S. Would you like my studded jacket? I’m not sure it’s a great fit for me. I fell asleep in it the other day and poked three holes in the sectional. And then I got upset about it and your Uncle Mitch said that getting upset over holes in the upholstery was “not very punk rock,” and I said, “Well that tears it, I’m just not punk rock, and this jacket and I are through!” I think he was actually a bit bummed! Oh well.

2/15/12
Dearest Evie Darling—
I’m glad you like the jacket. It is much better suited to you than it is to myself. How was your Valentine’s Day with you-know-who? Are you two still getting along famously? Did you receive any gifts? Uncle Mitch bought me flowers and I bought him a Blu-Ray copy of one of his favorite movies, Hot Tub Time Machine. Romance! Are you ready for your big driving test this Saturday? Your mother says you’re very cautious and respectful on the roads. I would expect nothing less!
Extra love,
Auntie D.

2/19/12
Evelyn Marie—
Congratulations on passing the big test. A few things to remember: Don’t text and drive. Don’t drink and drive. Don’t forget to buckle up. Don’t drive too fast. Don’t drive too slow, especially on the highway. Don’t run out of gas. Always have gas money. Always have your phone, and make sure it’s charged. Don’t pick up hitchhikers. Learn how to change a tire. Don’t race. Don’t buy stupid bumper stickers. Vanilla tree fresheners do not cover the smell of funk, so throw your garbage away as opposed to shoving it underneath the front seat. Don’t turn the radio to Lite 99.2, it will put you to sleep and you will drive right off the road.
Beep beep, beep beep, yeaaaaah!
—U.M.

3/4/12
Darling Evie-
We’re back from our big trip! Sandals is just as dreamy as it looks on television. Uncle Mitch got bit by a crab, but otherwise, it was truly the time of our lives. They even showed War Horse on the plane ride home!! I was thrilled. Uncle Mitch, not so much. We had a ball. Oh, and we bought you a necklace made of shells! I hope you like it. I impressed all of the honeymooners at Sandals by knowing about Sleigh Bells and by saying I was going to “go ham” on the breakfast buffet. I thought you’d be proud! One of the younger girls there was saying she likes a singer called Crimes? Do you know her?
Miss you lots,
Aunt Debbie

3/7/12
Dear Evie-
Grimes! Yes, that was it. What a fun song! Great video, too! I love the way she dances. Glad you like the shell necklace. It just screamed “Evie!”
XO,
Aunt Debbie

3/13/12
Evelyn-
Did you send your aunt a video of someone dancing in the bleachers? We went to a Knicks game last night and she stood up at halftime and tried to replicate it for me and ended up spraining her ankle. Next time, just send her a video of someone reading a book or something, please.
Gimme Danger (But Not in the Stands at Madison Square Garden),
Mitchapalooza

3/23/12
Darling Evie-
Thank you for agreeing to drive me to physical therapy! You’re a dear. I’m feeling much, much better and will be 100% in no time. I suppose dancing in heels was not the best move. Beyoncé makes it look so easy! I’d also like to apologize for that phone call I made to you while I was in the hospital. They gave me something or other to dull the pain and it made me as loopy as the coasters at Cedar Point. I don’t remember much, other than the fact that Uncle Mitch was giggling and saying something about the moon and industrial carpeting. Typical Mitch! Most important of all: DID YOU SEE THE HUNGER GAMES!?!?! Wasn’t it fantastic? Even Uncle Mitch liked it, and he doesn’t like anything!!!
May the odds be ever in your favor,
XO
Aunt Debbie
P.S. What is this “One Direction” band I keep hearing about? Are they the rage? Do people say “the rage” anymore? Keep me posted! xoxoxoxo

76 Comments

  • smillipede April 9th, 2012 11:08 PM

    LOLLL oh god this is good

  • decemberbaby April 9th, 2012 11:14 PM

    YESYESYESYESYES.

  • Limey April 9th, 2012 11:31 PM

    yes. yes. yes.
    i actually reread the first one about a week ago because i was missing uncle mitch and aunt debbie.

    ahhhh bliss

  • missblack April 9th, 2012 11:34 PM

    ahahahahahahah YESSSSS.
    Not gonna lie, I wish Aunt Debbie and Uncle Mitch were real, and RELATED TO ME.

    Little&Trivial

  • Laia April 9th, 2012 11:44 PM

    YES IM SO GLAD THEY ARE BACK!

  • kirsten April 9th, 2012 11:51 PM

    this is the bomb.

  • Bren April 10th, 2012 12:02 AM

    After my gaggle of aunts and uncles, Aunt Debbie and Uncle Mitch are my favorite.

  • Kathryn April 10th, 2012 12:04 AM

    How do you think of this?! Hahahahahaha

  • AllisonWonderland April 10th, 2012 12:11 AM

    Whyyyyyyyy can’t I have an Aunt Debbie and Uncle Mitch?

  • Ysabel April 10th, 2012 12:30 AM

    Grimes!!!! WoooHoooo

  • guiltfreedonut April 10th, 2012 12:33 AM

    uncle mitch… modern family… and the Beyoncé makes it look so easy! i love this.

    http://www.guiltfreedonut.com

  • Sputnick April 10th, 2012 12:40 AM

    Can one of the amazing Rookie artists draw a picture of Aunt Deb and Uncle Mitch? Because I would frame that and put it on my wall.

    • Sputnick April 10th, 2012 1:59 AM

      Not to be creepin.’ I’ve never been quite sure if they’re real or not? I’m assuming they’re not, although it would be (ahem) *literally the best thing ever* if they were!

      • polipki April 10th, 2012 3:54 AM

        Right! I’d be so happy to see them in literally best thing ever column ;D
        They are simply awesome.

  • SweetThangVintage April 10th, 2012 12:55 AM

    Oh this is so great! I was laughing so hard my Dad looked over at me and said “You okay there?”
    I love how your Uncle ends his E-mails.

  • Susann April 10th, 2012 1:48 AM

    They are definitely the coolest! “We found love in the home of space” – haha!

    http://fashioninpepperland.blogspot.com

  • Yellie April 10th, 2012 2:09 AM

    I wish they were real, but they’re too perfectly strange!!!!! no one is so normally un-normal in real life :(

  • psychedelicmango April 10th, 2012 2:11 AM

    GRIMES!!!!

    love the post, xoxo

  • Starboardd April 10th, 2012 2:35 AM

    Aunt Debbie and Uncle Mitch are my favorite humans, without a doubt!

  • Lulli April 10th, 2012 2:44 AM

    So hilars.
    ONE DIRECTION<3

    • MissKnowItAll April 11th, 2012 3:45 PM

      Love One Direction so much

  • Caden April 10th, 2012 2:53 AM

    They’re not real?!? (just read been reading the comments). I’m so sad. I thought they were.

  • mayaautumn April 10th, 2012 3:02 AM

    ahahahahaaaa i love it! aunt debbie & uncle mitch have just made my day..so funny:D

    http://cottonmixblog.blogspot.com

  • whodatgal April 10th, 2012 4:15 AM

    DIS EST AWSOME! SO FUNNY. YOU’RE UNCLE AND AUNT ARE THE BOMB. MCH LOVE

    XX

    http://www.opheliahorton.wordpress.com

  • maddzwx April 10th, 2012 5:53 AM

    ah…more Uncle Mitch + Aunt Debbie please! the first time around I thought these were real but now I’m pretty sure they’re not…anyway whether fiction or nonfiction, I love them.

  • mouse April 10th, 2012 6:39 AM

    So upset they aren’t real. I was actually about to give in my email in the hope of being adopted when my bubble was burst. Waah.

  • filmfatale April 10th, 2012 7:00 AM

    Next time Aunt Debbie mentions ‘War Horse’, send her this:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jzYzVMcgWhg

    …and tell her it’s a deleted scene. :P

  • MissKnowItAll April 10th, 2012 7:34 AM

    Yes Aunt Debbie One Direction is totally the rage. If you love them then I will love you to!!!!!!!!
    But seriously, they’re awesome (sorry for fangirling)
    ONE DIRECTION <3 lOUIS, HARRY, ZAYN, LIAM, AND NIALL FOREVER!!

    • Lulli April 12th, 2012 12:04 AM

      ONE DIRECTION ARE ALL THE RAGE.
      AND THEYRE IN MY COUNTRY RIGHT NOW!
      I’m a little obsessed.
      Tis is sosososos funny.

      • MissKnowItAll April 12th, 2012 8:26 AM

        You’re so lucky!!!! They were here in New York for a couple of days and I saw them at Rockefeller center. Counting down the days till they come back. Which one is your favorite?

      • Lulli April 14th, 2012 5:12 AM

        OMG YOU SAW THEM!?!?
        I’m so jelly!
        They came to Melbourne and we hung around at Nandos. But we missed them.
        My fave is defs Harry. But I like Niall a lot, too. But obviously I LOVE ALL OF THEM! Who’s yours?

      • MissKnowItAll April 15th, 2012 8:50 PM

        Just got tix to see the perform at Jones Beach in 2013! so excited. I also went to their cd signing and I pretty much died. My favorite is either Niall (words cannot describe his sexiness) or Harry (everything about him just does it for me).
        I’ve never been to Nanados before. Did you see Niall there?

      • Lulli April 16th, 2012 4:12 AM

        Sadly, no. Niall was watching a game of footy close by. But my friends saw them perform at the logies (which is like an Aussie version of the emmys) and they were literally 10 meters away! OMG I cant believe you went to that book signing. I saw that on you tube! I really want to get tickets. They arent selling them yet here. You’ve actually seen them with youre actual eyes NOT on a screen. I’m so jealous. You’re so lucky.

      • MissKnowItAll April 16th, 2012 3:21 PM

        Right?! A girl at the signing fainted and the guys looked so confused. But Louis and Harry called me babe so my life is pretty much complete. So glad I found another 1D fan here on Rookie.

      • Lulli April 17th, 2012 3:03 AM

        I would die if Harry Styles called me a babe. Or Louis. or ANYONE OF THEM!
        Oh I’m so glad I’ve found another 1D fan, too. It’s pretty unbelievable other people haven’t commented. Don’t people in America like 1D? Here in Australia, OMG it’s total craziness. Me and all my friends are obsessed. Hehehee. I just love them so much!

      • MissKnowItAll April 17th, 2012 9:07 PM

        It’s totally crazy here in America. Most of the people don’t even know anything about them but they act like they love them.
        I wrote a One Direction fanfic. Tell me what you think :)
        http://figment.com/books/300390-Learning-to-Love-You-
        I sort of did die. But they were so nice. I’m so mad though. There was a video of Niall on the train and I and been on that train an hour earlier. Oh Fate.

      • Lulli April 19th, 2012 6:07 AM

        Wow, that was really good. You’re a really good writer. Yeah, I know what you mean. A lot of people at my school pretend to like them. Or because I go to a school which is kinda a bit weird and out there, lots of girls pretend to not like them. I just really love them sosososos much. Fate is pretty annoying sometimes. But you’re a really good writer. Like REALLY good:)

      • MissKnowItAll April 19th, 2012 7:08 PM

        OMG did you see the picture of Niall smoking? he started crying because he didn’t want his mom to see it even though it was photoshopped. Who could be so cruel to do that to such a sweet boy??

      • Lulli April 21st, 2012 1:23 AM

        Awww, thats soooo cute! He’s so adorable. Have you see that video where Harry starts to speak French? OMG, speaking french?!?!?! I love him even more!

      • MissKnowItAll April 21st, 2012 8:33 AM

        Was that the interview where they were in that box doing fan requests? Have you watched the Allan Carr interview. Poor Harry got so embarrassed so easily. It was just too cute. They were talking about the girl from the WMYB video. Her name’s Madison and they kept on asking Harry if her had a crush on her. When her kept on saying no Allan said “Did you take a trip down Madison’s avenue?”. I DIED. And then they had a dance battle and Louis did the “stop the traffic and let em through” move. And Niall did his little Irish jig. Too sexy for words. Watch their performance of viva la vida on the x-factor. Niall is just too adorable in it.

      • Lulli April 23rd, 2012 3:45 AM

        Yeah that interview is so goood:) I love it. Actually I love them all. I did my French HW on them and had to read it out to the whole class. It was really embarrasing! Louis said in the making of WMYB clip thingy that Harry did have a crush on he. I wish I was her!! UGH! Soo unfair! I shall watch that one. I love watching the X-Factor video diaries. The one where Zayn says ‘if I had any superpower it would be to stay young forever’ and then Harry says “peter pan!”. I love that one.

      • MissKnowItAll April 23rd, 2012 4:50 PM

        I love the video diaries. But I was watching them with my headphones on and I nearly went deaf. Why is Louis so loud? My definite fav is when they’re in the gym and Louis puts Niall on the exercise bike and Liam’s just eating a sandwich. Oh and when Louis yells at Harry and tells him to stop having curly hair. Oh how I love them…
        Did you watch Liam’s twitcam? Niall looked so fit! They were singing “Sexy and I Know It” and every time he said “I work out” Niall just shoved more food in his mouth. No one can ever say fame has changed these boys.
        Do you have a twitter. I wrote a few songs and a few people re-tweeted it to the guys. I’m trying to get them to read it and I could use all the support.

      • Lulli April 24th, 2012 2:45 AM

        I do indeed have have twitter. It’s called Ariel.Jasmine1- i think. I’m not sure. I made it with my friends. We only made it to stalk 1D:) I HAVEN’T SEEN THOSE ONES YET! My you tube is being really mean and just stops working after like 15 seconds. I love Niall. He values farting and dosent want the girl he goes out with to fart louder than him! Did you hear about Harry and those two girls in Aukland?

      • MissKnowItAll April 24th, 2012 5:06 PM

        Yeah I did. Apparently he tried to sneak them into the hotel and management cock blocked him. Did you hear about that girl Emily Ostilly? She deleted her twitter because she got so much hate mail. We really need to re-evalate our fandom.

      • Lulli April 28th, 2012 1:50 AM

        Yeah, I know. I just love them sososossos much! Did you see the video of them performing in… I don’t know where, but, Harry was singing and then the boys were like taping him on the shoulder and squeezing his ass? Aww it was so cute! I just, LOVE THEM!

        • Lulli May 29th, 2012 8:12 AM

          I’m sorry, WHAT?!?!?!?? Are you being serious???? OMG I think I would, like, DIE! Omg, I’m basically having a panic attack.

      • MissKnowItAll April 28th, 2012 1:55 PM

        ZOMG I need to see that! I was legit crying and screaming at my computer screen because Niall was on it. He was talking about how some girls came up to him and told him that he didn’t deserve to bin the band. Then Zayn said that Niall was a very fragile person but he was probably the most beautiful and that his future girlfriend was the luckiest girl in the world. I was legit thinking “that shall be me!!!”. Oh gosh, what’s wrong with me????
        But Who cares. Did you hear that Zayn is dating this girl named Perrie Edwards? 3 down, 2 to go…

        • Lulli May 4th, 2012 2:00 AM

          I haven’t heard any 1D news in a while coz i was on camp. But WOW! All we did was have dance parties to 1D. I actually think it should be 1 to go coz I’m gonna be dating Harry Styles pretty soon……………

        • MissKnowItAll May 19th, 2012 6:48 PM

          Well in that case, none to go because Niall and I are already dating… :)

        • Lulli May 26th, 2012 3:08 AM

          OMG, now we can go on double dates with them! I just love them sososososososo much.

        • MissKnowItAll May 26th, 2012 9:56 PM

          Holy mother of god. They are legit 10 minutes away from my house right now. I sent them my songs and managment contacted me about meeting the boys. My life is complete.

        • Lulli June 5th, 2012 8:27 AM

          Are you actually being serious? Hold on…… IM JUST DYING. I am actually so jealous of you. Like seriously. Omg.

  • pialuna April 10th, 2012 7:52 AM

    This is hilarious. Thanks for posting!

  • caitlinand April 10th, 2012 8:02 AM

    i read all of these and your aunt and uncle are awesome and so cute and funny!
    socksanddocs.blogspot.com

  • Pocket Cow April 10th, 2012 9:57 AM

    I KNEW ABOUT GRIMES BEFORE SHE WAS POPULAR BECAUSE I AM SO HIP!
    Like seriously. I did.

    Anyways, this is the greatest thing ever. I wish my relatives were funny or communicative, instead of just French, aboriginal, or evil.
    xo

  • Cruicked April 10th, 2012 11:35 AM

    I’m so glad that they’re back! I can’t get enough of Aunt Debbie and Uncle Mitch.

  • SpencerBowie April 10th, 2012 12:28 PM

    I love Sleigh Bells!
    I love Aunt Debbie & Uncle Mitch!
    And I lovvvvve Rookie!
    :)

  • KinuKinu April 10th, 2012 12:39 PM

    This was HILARIOUS !!!!! I’m going to sing ‘we found love in the home of space’ just to tick people off.My mom thinks that selena gomez song I love you like a love song,baby goes’ I love you like I love some baby’.That was hilarious :D also: LOVE-computer style
    are you ready for it?
    Hee hee hee I have NOOOO idea what that could possibly mean but that’s funny.

  • havefun April 10th, 2012 3:42 PM

    I LOVE THESE GUYS<3
    Haha, they're so awesome.

  • Jenn April 10th, 2012 4:37 PM

    “Gimme Danger (But Not in the Stands at Madison Square Garden)”
    This is literally one of the funniest things I’ve ever read on Rookie.

  • kitafee April 10th, 2012 4:53 PM

    oh my this is great! wish my relations were this up to date..

  • rockslita April 10th, 2012 5:05 PM

    Oh my god this is so funny!

  • SweetThangVintage April 10th, 2012 5:29 PM

    Just to let you know, I just used the phrase ‘nonstop punk rock’ to sign out of a conversation with this dude who thinks rock music is just noise, and its sinful. heh heh heh heh. He also thinks girls should only wear skirts. And he told me that vacuuming is a good job to ‘keep a woman busy’. *Smack*
    Thank youuuuuuuu Rookie mag.

  • emilyowls April 10th, 2012 5:54 PM

    “Snore Horse” HAHABAHAHABAHHAHHHAH

  • April 10th, 2012 6:15 PM

    UNCLE MITCH AND AUNT DEBBIE <3
    Hehe they are so funny, glad their back:)

  • Adrienne April 10th, 2012 6:31 PM

    Hahaha “home in space”! I love these emails. :)

    http://theaverageasiangirl.blogspot.com

  • isabellehungryghost April 10th, 2012 6:32 PM

    ahahahahaha!
    theyre sooo cute!

    http://therestlesswillstay.tumblr.com/

  • aidee April 10th, 2012 8:15 PM

    aunt debbie and uncle mitch are the coolest.

  • CariStereo April 10th, 2012 11:56 PM

    “the rage”

  • ivoire April 11th, 2012 2:55 AM

    I was waiting for Uncle Mitch and Aunt Debbie for an ice age!!!!!! ‘I hope she wins all of the awards and then makes a record called “Ha Ha, I Won All of These Awards.”’ Oh and ‘Don’t buy stupid bumper stickers.’ Hahahah

  • KayKay April 11th, 2012 6:05 AM

    Oh my gosh, I nearly flipped when I read One Direction at the end! I’m absolutely crazy about them (as is their entire fandom. Seriously, tracking their flight to Australia? You gotta admit that’s kinda creepy, haha).

    And I love your aunt and uncle! So funny and lovable and beyond cool!

  • MissKnowItAll April 11th, 2012 3:43 PM

    @KayKay,
    Super fans unite!!!!!
    Um counting down the days till they cone back to ny. Then they will have to gall in love with me! Mwahaha

  • taste test April 11th, 2012 7:20 PM

    “I assume you’re responsible for whatever led your aunt to believe it was cool for her to buy a studded leather jacket to wear to the grocery store?” -that killed me. aunt debbie and uncle mitch are the funniest!

  • Ellie April 25th, 2012 6:34 PM

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I LOVE ROOKIE

  • lyrarose May 28th, 2012 7:43 PM

    can we get a standing ovation for how Uncle Mitch ends his emails?