Peeps (Just Born)
In my head I’m one of those fascinating, smart people who’s so endearingly out of it and accidentally contrary that they hate Peeps and have never seen Titanic, but I actually LOVE Peeps and am SO EXCITED to eat them WHILE SEEING TITANIC IN 3D. They’re so gross and mushy and great and when you put them in the microwave they get all fat, so when you eat them you’re convinced that the magic is lasting even longer because they’ve expanded in volume even though they are just as dense. YEAH SCIENCE! What else do you need to know about how I feel about Peeps? Hmm…I am pro-decorating them with little frosting outfits, and anti any that are not shaped like chicks or bunnies. Like, take Christmas, for example: why would I want a tree-shaped marshmallow? Get away from me. —Tavi

Reese’s Peanut Butter Egg (Hershey)
I reviewed all of the glorious Reese’s “shapes” back in October, but I just want to reiterate that the Egg is the best one. It has the PERFECT ratio of pb:chocolate. It is a rare treat that comes but once a year to your local drugstore, so I suggest you stock the eff up. —Anaheed

Mini Eggs (Cadbury)
Just typing those three words made my heart skip a beat. Mini Eggs, NOT to be confused with regs ol’ Cadbury Eggs, are a perfect combination of texture and sweetness. A small egg of smooth milk chocolate covered in a thin super-crunchy pastel layer. They are two bites big and make THE most satisfying crunch you will ever experience. They’re seasonal, which makes them SO SPESH, and on top of the small window of opportunity, they are maddeningly hard to find in Manhattan. One of my Twitter followers sent me two bags as a gift and now I owe her my firstborn (was totes worth it). —Elizabeth

Potato Chips in Chocolate (Chuao Chocolatier)
Diamond Jubilee Bar (Prestat)

Hello! Do you, like me, shed your uterine lining about once a month? Then read on and learn about the two best PMS candies I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. You know how when you’re about to get your period you crave mainly two things: SALT and CHOCOLATE? The fine people of Chuao and Prestat figured this out, too. Chuao’s Potato Chips in Chocolate is, like it says, POTATO CHIPS in CHOCOLATE, which is all you need to know. It could be a little saltier, but otherwise well done. The second one, the Prestat Diamond Jubilee Bar, is maybe the perfect candy: sweet and salty and crunchy and yumz. It describes itself as “roasted almonds, sea salt & scrummy milk chocolate.” SCRUMMY. How delightful! I got it (and everything I reviewed this month except the Reese’s) at a store that sells only English candy, so maybe you Brits already know all about it. If so, you should have already told me about it. P.S. When I told Julie Klausner that I was eating this chocolate she said, “If you rearranged those words it could be our Drag Queen Rabbi Name: Jubilee Bar-Diamond.” The end. —Anaheed

Passover fruit slices
Passover is my favorite Jewish holiday, but there’s no denying that seders can feel a little too long and educational and beige. Seriously, everything is beige. The aging tablecloth, the aging pages of the Haggadah, the poser kids’ wine, the poser bread. These fruit slices, however, are sure to liven up any Passover seder with their sweet-n-sour twang and visual appeal. I know that they look like normal candy, but seriously, they are a legitimate kosher, special-interest-group thing that is sold in the catalogs we get from temple and the nice Jewel-Osco in our wealthier neighboring town that sells other fancy things like organic toothpaste. Just stay away from the green ones. They’re nasty. —Tavi

Dairy Milk Caramel Bunnies (Cadbury)
These bunnies are deceptively cute, with long lashes and little bows around their necks. Like many a super-hot flirt, they disappoint. Their chocolate exteriors are waxen; their caramel interiors thin and insipid. I feel let down by Cadbury, whom I generally think of as having mastered this Easter-candy game. —Anaheed

Whatchamacallit (Hershey)
“Whatchamacallit? I call it terrible!” is what I’d say about Whatchamacallits if I hated them and had no self-respect. But as it stands, I absolutely ADORE Whatchamacallits. I make regular pilgrimages to the one Mobil gas station in the area that carries them just to get a taste of that sweet peanut butter, caramel, and chocolate goodness. Do you see all those food words? Those are some of the best food words in the English language. I ditched the last of my self-respect when I drooled on myself earlier today. Whatchamacallit? I call it fantastic! —Shelby

Smarties Mini Eggs (Nestlé)
So many of the items at the English-candy store are better versions of the candies that we Americans have grown up stupidly being satisfied with. Take these Mini Eggs. They’re like M&M’s but with a little orange flavor in the shell. Why didn’t we think of that?! —Anaheed

Chocolate Creme Eggs (Cadbury)
THESE ARE NOT TO BE CONFUSED WITH THE REGULAR CADBURY CREME EGGS. I made that mistake, too. Let me set the scene: The time was last week. My roommate and I had just piled up on candy at the drugstore for our ritual “junk food and Simpsons marathon.” I stuck to Twizzlers while she got what I thought were Cadbury Creme eggs. Cut to: us sitting in front of the TV. I look over to see dark chocolate goop coming out of her egg instead of the anticipated fondant yolk. “WHAT IS GOING ON??” I exclaim. “DID YOUR EGG SPOIL? ARE YOU A SORCERESS?” She calmed me down and explained that these were, in fact, a separate product, and then she let me try one. I know this might sound blasphemous, but these were way better than the regular eggs. I mean, once you get past the novelty of eating a fake egg, you’re stuck with a sugary, flavorless yolk. This, though. This was like a chocolate-encased choco-explosion. —Anna

Aero Mint Lamb (Nestlé)
Aero is a chocolate bar filled with magical bubbles that give it a lovely buoyancy, like a cloud enrobed by delicious chocolate. At Easter, the bubbly cloud part is mint flavored. It’s like an Andes mint but way better for being more like cloud. —Anaheed

Chocolate-covered matzo
Plain matzo is like that person who misinterpreted Daria and decided to just be an asshole to everyone before anyone could be an asshole to them. You know that person? Like, “I hate how awkward and miserable humans are, but I am going to beat them to it by being awkward and miserable FIRST so that I can say it was MY CHOICE that they hate me!” Matzo is afraid that it will never be as good as the bread of the gentiles, and so it makes itself more awkward and miserable before it is even out of the oven. AND IT WAS BARELY IN THE OVEN TO BEGIN WITH BECAUSE IT HAS LOW SELF-ESTEEM THAT IT GOT FROM NOT UNDERSTANDING DARIA. However, when it is coated in chocolate and caramel and able to convince itself for a moment that it maybe does have some admirable qualities that other people can also appreciate, it is delicious. —Tavi

MaltEaster (Mars)
A milk-choco bunny with a creamy filling rife with crushed-up Maltesers. WHAT COULD BE BETTER? I am on such a sugar high right now you guys, I’m losing my mind. I ate all of this month’s candies in a ROW on an empty stomach—probably not the best idea. Maybe I should go get some salad or something? How do you counteract a sugar overdose? This candy is very good. It is FULL of SUGAR, though, which is a drug, clearly, or else I’d be able to think straight right now. Instead I just want to blast Robyn and jump around. —Anaheed

Butter Mints
Butter mints are these weird, pastel-colored, pillowy squares of vaguely minty candy, most often found in your grandma’s candy dish or wrapped individually and put out next to the bill at restaurants. They go by many names: hospitality mints, thank you mints, after-dinner mints, wedding mints…but who cares? They’re ridiculously delicious. They have an odd, chalky texture that is both crunchy and creamy at the same time—a bit like solidified mint chocolate chip ice cream. If you haven’t had one, it’s because I took yours when you weren’t looking. —Krista

Marc de Champagne Truffle Easter Egg (Prestat)
Ooooohhh la laaaaa, what a fancy fucking chocolate egg. When I bought it the dude at the poncy English candy store goes, verbatim, “This egg is extraoooooordinary. They brought this egg to the Queen and THE QUEEN WILL EAT THIS EGG this year!” I wouldn’t brag—you know who else ate this egg this year? This guy. OK, there are some things to know about the Marc de Champagne Truffle Easter Egg. It comes in a shiny pink, yellow, and gold box with a picture of a crown on it. You open the box and see a big egg wrapped in gold foil. Unwrap THAT and yay, here’s a big chocolate egg. But what ho? This is no regular chocolate egg. Crack it in half and you find a plastic BAG of fucking TRUFFLES. You know who hates truffles? This guy. Blech. You can keep it, Elizabeth. (The chocolate-egg part is good though.) —Anaheed