Dear Diary

April 4, 2012

The universe is up to something.

Ruby

My house is over 100 years old, and sometimes the lights in my mom’s office flicker and the floorboards creak. She’s convinced the house is haunted by the guy who built it. His name is George Something—it’s on the plaque by the door.

One day, my mother found a small tube of hemorrhoid cream on the floor beside her bed. Nobody could explain where it came from—or at least nobody admitted to it during dinner. But I guess nobody likes discussing their hemorrhoids while they eat.

We forgot about it soon afterwards, until the next night at dinner. My mom solemnly said that she needed to say something. My dad shook his head and mouthed, “Don’t scare them.” My mom mouthed back, “OK” and said, “Never mind.” Uh, OK. That’s not worrisome. Thanks, parents.

After dinner, my mom told me that the Preparation H had reappeared in the same spot the next morning. She believed it was a ghost. She was freaked out. I sort of was, too, because I have a history of being scared of stuff like that ever since my sixth grade teacher spent an hour telling us about how ghosts are scientifically probable and showing us YouTube videos of Michael Jackson’s ghost.

Later that night, my dad, laughing, told me that he had put the Preparation H next to her bed again after taking it from the garbage. He swore me to secrecy. He planned to do it with toothpaste later that night.

He went to sleep early and placed the tube in the same spot that she had found the hemorrhoid cream. My mom noticed it and said, “What the..?!” He pretended to be asleep and didn’t mention it the next day. Neither did she.

No one mentioned anything for about a week, so my father asked my mother if her “ghost friend” was gone now. She confessed that the “ghost” had visited her again and that she was too freaked out to tell anyone. My dad asked her if she found the hemorrhoid cream.

“No, it was toothpaste,” she said.

“Where was it?”

“In the same spot, next to the bed.”

“Oh, you mean where I left it?” my father asked with a smile.

“You donkey orifice!” my mom yelled, punching him.

He said it was his biggest accomplishment, ever.

Now, my dad did do it the last two times, but how the hemorrhoid cream got there in the first place remains a mystery. Personally, I think it’s George Something punishing us for too much wallpaper. ♦

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26 Comments

  • FashionHauties April 4th, 2012 7:11 PM

    Katherine, that was actually hilarious. I wish something odd like that would happen to me for prom. Instead I’m going to church prom with friends. :/ haha
    http://fashionhauties.blogspot.com/

  • MissKnowItAll April 4th, 2012 7:17 PM

    I just want to take this minute to say that I have so much to thank Rookie for. Reading and learning from you guys has been the best thing in the world for me.

    • Juniper April 4th, 2012 7:54 PM

      Amen.

    • Abby April 5th, 2012 3:23 PM

      I would post this on every single article if I could (if they wouldn’t block me for trolling ha). I’m so glad that I found Rookie at this time in my life, and I’m going to keep reading it in college next year and after that. Rookie is amazing. Thank you, I love you guys.

  • Abby April 4th, 2012 7:17 PM

    1) That sugar glider is probably the cutest thing I’ve seen in a week. Well, except for all the kitten videos I watched earlier because of the room cleaning article’s link.

    2) I think the slowed-down voices at the end of the Michael Jackson ghost video are scarier than ghosts.

    • Ruby B. April 4th, 2012 10:11 PM

      EVERYTHING ABOUT IT IS TERRIFYING

  • Yellie April 4th, 2012 7:33 PM

    Naomi, what you’re feeling describing is pretty much how i feel right now. For so long everything was so dark and I’ve finally got some hold over my emotions but it feels so fragile. It’s so confusing and scary because feelings just happen, and at any moment i think i could just be sucked back under.

  • Jes April 4th, 2012 7:46 PM

    SCORE ONE FOR KATHERINE!!!

  • Juniper April 4th, 2012 7:53 PM

    Can I just say I love all you guys.

  • OlyGirl_LAWorld April 4th, 2012 7:55 PM

    Katherine! I’m so happy that prom turned out the way it did for you! Also, super jealous that you discovered the key to high school social situations WHILE STILL IN HIGH SCHOOL. Damn. But! Even though I am an adult, I am lucky enough to get a second-chance prom every year in college (HOLLA USC QUASA’s Second Chance Prom!!) I’ll be keeping your awesome experience in mind as I trash it up this weekend ;)

    ps this year’s theme is Zombie Prom. I know.

    • MissKnowItAll April 4th, 2012 8:07 PM

      When I read the theme for your prom i totally thought “OMG WIZARDS OF WAVERLY PLACE!!!”

  • meghanj April 4th, 2012 8:24 PM

    YAY PROM!!!!! prom here isn’t for a few months and am I completely 100% silly and a loser if I make a mix CD called “PROM??????????” and give it to a cute boy and run away?

    I don’t even want a prom date really what are you doing to me, high school…….

  • mariaantoniavs April 4th, 2012 8:33 PM

    haha, Ruby you’re dad’s awesome!! I love reading your stories, they always make me laugh!!!

  • Maddy April 4th, 2012 8:52 PM

    Donkey orifice is an interesting insult. I was wondering what the “idea” was behind the journals. Is it so we can see other people’s teenage existences and relate? Are there ever going to be new diary-writers? (Not that you guys aren’t great!) I would very much like to read a diary from Minna, as this collage is though-provoking for me. And also to explain the salted floor.

  • KinuKinu April 4th, 2012 9:19 PM

    I loved all of them ♥♥♥ These are so cool.ROOKIE RULES ♥♥

  • dianeisnotmyname April 4th, 2012 10:11 PM

    Naomi- as someone also recovering from anxiety, I’ve found that writing down three good things that happen every day can help when I’m having either a really good or really bad week. It seems like you are good at focusing on the “little things” like nature, so just remind yourself of those when you’re sad. (Of course, it’s not that simple as I’ve found but little things right)! Also, for me, it was actually a blessing in disguise when I was surprised by my period. My anxiety typically gets so much worse when I am PMSing, and when it doesn’t it means I’m making progress! Your PMS doesn’t seem too bad if you could sit out and chill and relax whilst not realizing the hormonal chaos taking place in your body. (of course we’re two different people so our situations could be different, but optimism right?)

    Dylan- I also love that feeling of being on top of the world after people screw you over. There’s a great sense of accomplishment through that that I can identify with. This weekend is my “crushboy’s” (as in former thing that’s no longer a thing basically like the song Somebody That I Used to Know by Gotye) birthday as well and I don’t know what to do.

  • missblack April 4th, 2012 11:03 PM

    Awwwww Katherine I am SO HAPPY FOR YOUUUUUUU!!!!! (Sam sounds awesome!!!!)
    You have officially given me hope for my life. :D

    Little&Trivial

  • meanjellybeans April 4th, 2012 11:26 PM

    Katherine, the chain of events leading up to you and Sam going to prom together sounds like the kind of thing I dream up when things aren’t going my way. The fact that this happened, and went well, for that matter, is awesome and makes me very happy for you.

    Also, a guy who volunteers a perspiration forecast sounds about your speed. That sounded insulting. It wasn’t meant to be, I wasn’t trying to say that you are all perspiration-y or that you can only get guys with significant amounts of perspiration. I just meant he sounds a little offbeat. Whatever you know what I meant bye.

  • Bella April 5th, 2012 2:04 AM

    I haven’t even read the full articles, but the fact that the new kid sounded like Sam Weir when he says “Oh. Hi Cindy” makes me so so so so so so so happy.

  • Maddy April 5th, 2012 2:35 PM

    Naomi- I feel your pain! Not literally, now, but recently yes. I got stabbed in the leg on Sunday with a fencing weapon which is dull but still managed to scrape and horribly bruise me through my pants. And I had my period at the same time. Bruise buddies! Hopefully it’s feeling better :)

  • Hannah. April 5th, 2012 5:21 PM

    Naomi – don’t get creeped out. But you have incredibly cute feet. :)

    • Naomi April 5th, 2012 6:19 PM

      not creepy!!! i like my cute feet :)
      (apart from my poorly toe atm)

  • isabellehungryghost April 6th, 2012 8:11 AM

    hahahaa! ruby! this is gorgeous!

  • Mom April 6th, 2012 6:29 PM

    i’m happy when you are happy. burst out laughing at the little critter flyin.

    • Dylan April 7th, 2012 12:41 PM

      Imagine it flying into your face