Dear Diary

April 4, 2012

The universe is up to something.

Naomi

The start of this past week was warm in Birmingham, and I got used to planning my days around sitting outside. I worked in the sun, I read in the sun, I listened to music in the sun. My concentration was sharp, my head was clear. My face got red, my legs got brown—it was like a little holiday. And what was the reason? I am pretty sure it was my lessened anxiety. I was on a roll. So it had to end, right?

Thursday morning I woke up early, ate my breakfast slowly, and promised productivity to the day. In breaks between work, I wandered the garden, noticing that so much time outside had allowed me to determine what time of day it was based on where the light hit the ground. That felt lovely. I’d rather have integral knowledge about the rotation of the Earth than most other things. I was thinking about writing this very diary. There was something unknown in the atmosphere that I decided to ignore. It was unreasonably quiet, and it felt like something was going to crack.

It turned out to be my toe. As I was taking my laptop downstairs to do yet MORE work, I dropped it on my foot. A few days later, my big toe is still swollen and painful and starting to bruise.

This particular shade of blue is the new must-have colour.

Maybe that was the universe telling me to be careful. Then I got my fucking PERIOD. A week early! Now, instead of the sensation of sun on my skin, I feel PAIN. And here I thought I was doing well: controlling my mood, being productive, going outside, reading lots. And stuff beyond my control had to go and fuck it up. I hate that. Usually I have to SELF-sabotage in order to avoid life activities. Damn you, universe!

I like to think that when things like this happen, you can get something out of it. Make the most of it, let’s say. Well, I have been trying, and I can’t. Worryingly, it also feeds into my fear that happiness, or feeling good, can’t last very long. Something has to come along and stop it. For three days, I’ve been solely on my bum with my leg propped up, getting bored and doing nothing. I tortured myself with thoughts of having kept a tighter grip on my laptop or just moving my feet out of the way. I always ask: why? Why did events take this particular order? I know questioning things like this is futile.

I suppose my life lesson this week is: shit happens. ♦

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26 Comments

  • FashionHauties April 4th, 2012 7:11 PM

    Katherine, that was actually hilarious. I wish something odd like that would happen to me for prom. Instead I’m going to church prom with friends. :/ haha
    http://fashionhauties.blogspot.com/

  • MissKnowItAll April 4th, 2012 7:17 PM

    I just want to take this minute to say that I have so much to thank Rookie for. Reading and learning from you guys has been the best thing in the world for me.

    • Juniper April 4th, 2012 7:54 PM

      Amen.

    • Abby April 5th, 2012 3:23 PM

      I would post this on every single article if I could (if they wouldn’t block me for trolling ha). I’m so glad that I found Rookie at this time in my life, and I’m going to keep reading it in college next year and after that. Rookie is amazing. Thank you, I love you guys.

  • Abby April 4th, 2012 7:17 PM

    1) That sugar glider is probably the cutest thing I’ve seen in a week. Well, except for all the kitten videos I watched earlier because of the room cleaning article’s link.

    2) I think the slowed-down voices at the end of the Michael Jackson ghost video are scarier than ghosts.

    • Ruby B. April 4th, 2012 10:11 PM

      EVERYTHING ABOUT IT IS TERRIFYING

  • Yellie April 4th, 2012 7:33 PM

    Naomi, what you’re feeling describing is pretty much how i feel right now. For so long everything was so dark and I’ve finally got some hold over my emotions but it feels so fragile. It’s so confusing and scary because feelings just happen, and at any moment i think i could just be sucked back under.

  • Jes April 4th, 2012 7:46 PM

    SCORE ONE FOR KATHERINE!!!

  • Juniper April 4th, 2012 7:53 PM

    Can I just say I love all you guys.

  • OlyGirl_LAWorld April 4th, 2012 7:55 PM

    Katherine! I’m so happy that prom turned out the way it did for you! Also, super jealous that you discovered the key to high school social situations WHILE STILL IN HIGH SCHOOL. Damn. But! Even though I am an adult, I am lucky enough to get a second-chance prom every year in college (HOLLA USC QUASA’s Second Chance Prom!!) I’ll be keeping your awesome experience in mind as I trash it up this weekend ;)

    ps this year’s theme is Zombie Prom. I know.

    • MissKnowItAll April 4th, 2012 8:07 PM

      When I read the theme for your prom i totally thought “OMG WIZARDS OF WAVERLY PLACE!!!”

  • meghanj April 4th, 2012 8:24 PM

    YAY PROM!!!!! prom here isn’t for a few months and am I completely 100% silly and a loser if I make a mix CD called “PROM??????????” and give it to a cute boy and run away?

    I don’t even want a prom date really what are you doing to me, high school…….

  • mariaantoniavs April 4th, 2012 8:33 PM

    haha, Ruby you’re dad’s awesome!! I love reading your stories, they always make me laugh!!!

  • Maddy April 4th, 2012 8:52 PM

    Donkey orifice is an interesting insult. I was wondering what the “idea” was behind the journals. Is it so we can see other people’s teenage existences and relate? Are there ever going to be new diary-writers? (Not that you guys aren’t great!) I would very much like to read a diary from Minna, as this collage is though-provoking for me. And also to explain the salted floor.

  • KinuKinu April 4th, 2012 9:19 PM

    I loved all of them ♥♥♥ These are so cool.ROOKIE RULES ♥♥

  • dianeisnotmyname April 4th, 2012 10:11 PM

    Naomi- as someone also recovering from anxiety, I’ve found that writing down three good things that happen every day can help when I’m having either a really good or really bad week. It seems like you are good at focusing on the “little things” like nature, so just remind yourself of those when you’re sad. (Of course, it’s not that simple as I’ve found but little things right)! Also, for me, it was actually a blessing in disguise when I was surprised by my period. My anxiety typically gets so much worse when I am PMSing, and when it doesn’t it means I’m making progress! Your PMS doesn’t seem too bad if you could sit out and chill and relax whilst not realizing the hormonal chaos taking place in your body. (of course we’re two different people so our situations could be different, but optimism right?)

    Dylan- I also love that feeling of being on top of the world after people screw you over. There’s a great sense of accomplishment through that that I can identify with. This weekend is my “crushboy’s” (as in former thing that’s no longer a thing basically like the song Somebody That I Used to Know by Gotye) birthday as well and I don’t know what to do.

  • missblack April 4th, 2012 11:03 PM

    Awwwww Katherine I am SO HAPPY FOR YOUUUUUUU!!!!! (Sam sounds awesome!!!!)
    You have officially given me hope for my life. :D

    Little&Trivial

  • meanjellybeans April 4th, 2012 11:26 PM

    Katherine, the chain of events leading up to you and Sam going to prom together sounds like the kind of thing I dream up when things aren’t going my way. The fact that this happened, and went well, for that matter, is awesome and makes me very happy for you.

    Also, a guy who volunteers a perspiration forecast sounds about your speed. That sounded insulting. It wasn’t meant to be, I wasn’t trying to say that you are all perspiration-y or that you can only get guys with significant amounts of perspiration. I just meant he sounds a little offbeat. Whatever you know what I meant bye.

  • Bella April 5th, 2012 2:04 AM

    I haven’t even read the full articles, but the fact that the new kid sounded like Sam Weir when he says “Oh. Hi Cindy” makes me so so so so so so so happy.

  • Maddy April 5th, 2012 2:35 PM

    Naomi- I feel your pain! Not literally, now, but recently yes. I got stabbed in the leg on Sunday with a fencing weapon which is dull but still managed to scrape and horribly bruise me through my pants. And I had my period at the same time. Bruise buddies! Hopefully it’s feeling better :)

  • Hannah. April 5th, 2012 5:21 PM

    Naomi – don’t get creeped out. But you have incredibly cute feet. :)

    • Naomi April 5th, 2012 6:19 PM

      not creepy!!! i like my cute feet :)
      (apart from my poorly toe atm)

  • isabellehungryghost April 6th, 2012 8:11 AM

    hahahaa! ruby! this is gorgeous!

  • Mom April 6th, 2012 6:29 PM

    i’m happy when you are happy. burst out laughing at the little critter flyin.

    • Dylan April 7th, 2012 12:41 PM

      Imagine it flying into your face