Fun

Valentine’s Candy Roundup

What to buy for your honey or yourself, and what to throw in the garbage if someone gives it to you. P.S. Anaheed was in Australia last month, which is why her picks are so weird.

Sweethearts (Necco)
I actually think Sweethearts are pretty gross as candy, but I am taking time out of my life to encourage you to buy them for CRAFTING PURPOSES. You can put them on like, anything. Make a crown out of them. Hot-glue one to a little pipe cleaner bent into a circle and BAM, you have a ring. All you have to do is coat it in clear nail polish coating stuff after. It’s so easy! Just make sure you don’t use any of the lame “in-touch” ones they started doing that say things like “TWEET ME.” All pipe-cleaner rings should be classy. —Tavi

Violet Mints (Choward’s)
I’m going to be a jerk and tell you that I don’t condone the use of sugar. It’s a drug. Technically I am not supposed to eat it. BUT I DO! I was born with sweet teeth. I’m in love with Choward’s VIOLET CANDIES. I have a package on me at all times…but here’s the deal: I don’t eat them. I display them in shrine/installation (usually within arm’s reach so that I can huff the heady VIOLET scent through the excellent packaging). Of course I have eaten them (for a buzz). They are a lovely confectionery mint; a chalky pale-white lavender square tablet that tastes like VIOLETS! Don Draper’s dad ate them. I assumed they were from Victorian times but they actually originated in the 1930s. Violet candies are the most beautiful thing ever. If you aren’t allowed to eat candy, I suggest displaying them in your shrine and listening to “Violet” super loud. —Sonja

Chocolate Strawberry (Ferrara)
I’d never seen this particular Valentinian variation on the Terry’s Chocolate Orange, nor had the idea of combining strawberries and chocolate ever occurred to me as something that would be appealing to people, beyond those stupid chocolate-covered strawberries they show men feeding ladies on TV commercials for bubble baths or something. This is a waxy chocolate in the shape of a sliced apple (don’t overthink it) with a perfumey strawberriness that tries to compensate for its lack of cocoa content. But I don’t care, because milk chocolate has a lot of sugar in it; plus, it’s REALLY fun to peel off the slices and put them in my mouth-face. Therefore, hooray! Candy! One note, though: the box claims, “A Special Valentine Message on Every Slice!” There are messages printed on the slices, but they are not special. One said “Love.” Another said “True Love.” These messages should be unique-ified by at least 25% in order to live up to their box promises! (I don’t actually care.) This is my first experience with Ferrara chocolates, and while I don’t want to go on record as saying it will be my last, I would prefer to hedge my future bets with alternate chocolatiers. Their website shows other stuff they make, and I get the sense that Ferrara is the fragrance-knockoff factory of chocolate. Check out their fake Toblerone! No, thanks. I have eaten a little less than half of this object, and my blood sugar is pretty high up there. But I did have fun when I ate it. It was something that wasn’t very good, but that I enjoyed. Like certain songs by the Police. In conclusion, chocolate is never a complete waste of time. Thank you, and happy Valentine’s Day! —Julie Klausner

Ferrero Rocher (Ferrero USA)
I only eat things that are really expensive and wrapped in gold, and can be purchased in a supermarket checkout line. This rule applies doubly around Valentine’s Day, when I fuel my body exclusively via Ferrero Rochers. Ferrero Rochers are spherical luxury bombs of chocolate, wafer, hazelnut cream, and chopped hazelnuts. This might sound crazy fancy (wrapped in golden foil!!), but don’t be intimidated—Ferrero Rochers are just as practical as they are luxurious. If you’ve ever wondered, “Is there a way I can dip Nutella into Nutella?” this is the candy for you. The Rocher’s crunchy outer shell is the perfect vessel for delivering hazelnut cream to your mouth without having to fuss with a spoon or a jar. P.S. Ferrero USA also makes Nutella, so when buying this candy you are also supporting the manufacture of a really important product/cause. —Jamie

York Peppermint Pattie Hearts (Hershey’s)
I love peppermint patties, so it was a fun surprise to see recently, at my local grocer, INDIVIDUALLY WRAPPED HEART-SHAPED PATTIES with PINK PEPPERMINT FILLING! Because I have the willpower of a gnat, I ripped into the bag as soon as I left the store. I ate them on the drive home listening to my Heart cassette at full volume (so classy). The soft peppermint filling is a good shade of pink, and the heart shape just makes them taste BETTER. If you eat a few of these in a row, you can get a pretty good buzz going (especially if you have to do a bunch of work [at night]). If you are, however, feeling “too high” from the sugar, I suggest drinking TONS OF WATER to help flush it out of your system. Remember that. P.S. The individual wrapping is wasteful. P.P.S. I had to leave them in the car so I would stop eating them. It worked. Skillz. —Sonja

Aha! (E. Wedel)
Prince Polo (Kraft)
Mleczna Toffi (E. Wedel)

I was in Greenpoint, Brooklyn, for some Polish food, so I decided to finally check out Slodycze Wedel, a candy store that sells tons of bulk Polish candy and chocolate bars by Poland’s oldest confectioner, E. Wedel. The dude at the register was not into my “thing” of buying just one piece of a few kinds of bulk candy, so I ended up choosing three candy bars to try. The first was AHA! The big surprise (AHA!) is that this is NOT CANDY, but cookie. It’s three very thin and crisp sesame-seed cookies in a packet disguised as candy. It is not bad. Sorry to ruin the surprise (not candy). The next candy I bought was PRINCE POLO. I bought him because he’s Prince Polo. Prince Polo is another fucking cookie, people. He is not a total liar, though—he says right on his wrapper that his flavoring is “artificial.” This is an airy wafer cookie with aspirations well beyond his station. So at this point I think maybe I am not understanding some basic things about Polish sweets and I hope that the third thing I have chosen is not cookie, but candy. I open my E. Wedel Mleczna Toffi (E. Wedel’s Milky Toffee) and cry tears of relief…not cookie! Actual candy! This is one of those European chocolate bars like Milka where the company adds some kind of solid milky thing to a mix of chocolate and caramel. When broken in half, the texture reminds me a bit of Peppermint Pattie, though it’s much thinner. The caramel part is liquid, like in a Caramello, but this caramel has a flavor that’s more butterscotch than pure caramel. I can’t tell if I liked this, or just liked that it was not cookie. —Kristen Richardson

Twizzlers (Hershey’s)
Twizzlers are one of the best-looking candies out there. Their enticing twisty redness is appealing even in those big tub containers they sell them in, and what food ever looks good in a tub? But why isn’t it more widely acknowledged that they suck? It’s easy to describe how: there isn’t enough candy flavor in them. Chewing a Twizzler is like chewing wax in the shape of candy. Or the cartilage from inside your ear, if your ear was six inches long and shaped like a fusilli. When you eat the first one in the package, you think, That was ALMOST good; maybe the next one will give me the strawberry satisfaction I was hoping for. So you eat the next one and again, it reminds you of what a good candy would taste like, but it’s like you’re hearing music coming from another room that’s not quite loud enough. And so on until the package is done and you think, What was that about? Now I want some candy. Twizzlers look like candy but do not taste like candy. We must stop Twizzlers. We must expose the truth. Now look at my hand. There are two Twizzlers. One is red and one is blue. Bite into the red Twizzler and continue to live in your stupid dream of a phony pretend life. Bite into the blue one and admit the truth that Twizzlers suck, and be free. —Ira Glass

Whittaker’s Original Peanut Slab (J.H. Whittaker & Sons, Ltd.)
This tasted like a bunch of rotten peanuts in a bad chocolate brick. (And yes I checked the expo.) —Anaheed

Whittaker’s Original Coconut Slab (J.H. Whittaker & Sons, Ltd)
What is it with Whittaker’s and these SLABS? Well guess what. This one is kind of delicious. I recommend it to anyone who wants to eat something that looks like a brick and tastes like a tropical vacation. (Which is everybody.) —Anaheed

Red Cinnamon Imperial Hearts (Primrose)
The say that scent is one of the strongest memory triggers there is, which is probably why even a slight whiff of cinnamon makes me think of red tissue paper and glitter glue and those paper Spider-Man Valentine’s cards you can get at the grocery store—you know the ones. Is it even possible to make it through the first half of February without ingesting a ton of cinnamon hearts? It doesn’t even matter if you actually like them. (But seriously, what kind of sick person doesn’t like cinnamon hearts?) They’re part of the Valentine’s Day experience—the best part, because they don’t revolve around stupid heteronormative expectations and are way cheaper than fancy chocolates. Cinnamon hearts for all!!!!! —Anna

Silky Smooth Milk and Dark Chocolate Promises (Dove Collection)
These foil-wrapped chocolate squares bear the distinction of little messages printed inside the foil—things like “Do what feels right” and “Happiness looks great on you.” I wish said messages were less predictable/corny and more entertaining/confounding, like those Bazooka Joe comics that come (came?) with Bazooka gum—or, hey, how about actual promises!—but what can you do. Confession: I once kept a Dove Promise inspiring-quote wrapper on my desk for at least a year at work. Anyway, Dove don’t lie: the chocolate is silky smoo0ove. —Susannah Felts

Cherry Ripe Dark Cherry (Cadbury)
Does a bunch of chewed-up maraschino cherries mixed with coconut flakes and dunked in chocolate sound good to you? Then you will love this. Normal people: you will not. —Anaheed

Dubbel Zout (K&H Gustafs)
I’ve been addicted to double-salted licorice since I was a kid. As a teen, I rode the bus home from ballet school reading The Growing Pains of Adrian Mole and sucking on double-salted licorice. I’d say 99.999% of the population hates it. But whatevs! It’s for special people with special tastes. Salted licorice comes in many, many varieties and in every shape imaginable (including farm animals, and once I found E.T.-shaped ones). My standby is in the shape of a tiny hockey puck and has the letters DZ stamped on it. I cannot describe its powerful taste except for the words black and salt. I buy it in Dutch delicatessens and fancy British candy stores (with the shopkeepers shaking their heads). This sick treat originally hails from Finland and Norway. P.S. Once I fell asleep with one in my mouth. —Sonja

Starburst Squirts Crazy Babies (The Wrigley Company)
I bought these candies because (a) they are called STARBURST SQUIRTS CRAZY BABIES (best name ever, and, side note, please call your next band CRAZY BABIES); and (b) there is a picture of a baby squirting blood from its belly on the bag. They DO NOT TASTE GOOD AT ALL, but who cares? There’s a picture of a baby squirting blood on the bag! —Anaheed

Lovey Gummy Tummies (Trader Joe’s)
The only thing worse than your first heartbreak is your third heartbreak from the first heartbreaker! First it was Gummy Tummy Penguins, then it was Bunny Gummy Tummies and Friends (you can read my fascinating opinions on those abominations here)—and now, adding insult to Valentine’s Day, Trader Joe’s has once again left me holding the bag; only this time it’s a bag of Lovey Gummy Tummies. Believe me, I didn’t buy TJ’s sweet-talking on the packaging at first (“Give me one good reason why I should after everything!!!”), claiming that these gummies were made especially for me in “a small factory in France”—there was no way to prove that short of hiring a private investigator—but the last line, “Each heart has a fluid, fruity center that pleasantly melts in your mouth,” seemed sincere, and it was something I could judge for myself. Before you could say “congestive heart failure” I opened the bag and was immediately overwhelmed by the sweet medicinal smell of “natural cherry flavor” and felt like I’d been transported to an old-timey hospital. Actually, did you see that episode of Downton Abbey where the farmer has dropsy of the heart and they have to stick a crazy needle in his chest and drain the fluid out?! BLUUUURGH!!!!! Well, that is what biting down on TJ’s Lovey Gummy Tummies’ goo-filled heart reminded me of. And those cherry lesions tasted as medicinal as they smelled. Listen here, TJ!!! You’d better not try calling me just because you haven’t got anything better to do on a Saturday night—my reply is no! Unless you have something special planned for St. Patrick’s Day. —Kevin Townley

Conversation Heart box (Russell Stover)
These are small heart-shaped boxes with stupid words on them: “U ROCK” and “QT PIE.” SOLD! Once in a blue moon I’ll buy a small box of Russell Stover’s for novelty’s sake and because I like the little boxes (for storing little things). Andy Warhol used to eat them and I, like Andy Warhol, can’t have candy in the house because I’ll eat it till it’s gone. OK. So I open up the “U ROCK” box to find…THREE chocolates! Three. Total rip. I love a box of chocolates ’cause it’s like: WHAT WILL THIS ONE BE? Unfortch, these just disappoint: #1 was hard caramelly/teeth destroyer. #2 was a thin layer of “chocolate” covering more soft caramelly teeth destroyer with an undertaste of cherry? I can’t. The final chocolate was a “cup” shape (Reese’s ripoff) but with nothing in it…just more of the same with flakes of coconut. Bo-ring. In closing, Russell Stover chocolates are all about the packaging. I probably should’ve gone for the “boy valentine”: a heart-shaped box with textured basketball façade/veneer. —Sonja

Knusperflakes (Ritter Sport)
Ritter Sport makes the best milk chocolate I’ve ever tasted in my life. I know that sounds like an exaggeration, but it isn’t—this German company blows away everything else I’ve tasted, including Godiva (please note that I will still accept Godiva whenever Ritter Sport isn’t available, and even when it is if I can have both). It comes in lots of different varieties, with fillings ranging from gross, as in their Rum Trauben Nuss variety, which is filled with rum-soaked raisins, to sublime, like my favorite variety, Knusperflakes (the German word for cornflakes). It’s chocolate and cereal, aka two of the best snack foods ever, in one pretty yellow package, and it’s impossible to share with other people because it’s too delicious. Texture-wise, it’s like a Nestlé Crunch, but it’s not as cloyingly sweet and dry. —Amy Rose

Milo (Nestlé)
It’s a brownie topped with caramel and chocolate crunchies, all dipped in chocolate. You can’t really go wrong with any of that, but I felt about this candy bar the way I feel about Sandra Bullock: totally medium. Like “so what?” Like “who cares?” Like this Emoji face: —Anaheed

Elementary school valentines
I read over this post and decided it wasn’t VALENTINE’S DAY-y enough, so I googled “sexy chocolate” and got a lot of links to weird MySpace pages—MySpace pages that are somehow active, despite the fact that they are MySpace pages. This filled me with such confusion that I curled up into the fetal position and started missing the simplicity of childhood, which made me think of the BEST Valentine’s Day candy of ALL, and that is the kind you pass out in elementary school when everyone decorates paper bags with chicken scratch and doily hearts. Love is so innocent and harmless back then, the only things you really know you love are your pets and your pajamas and the candy you get on Valentine’s Day. And so, I recommend those little valentines from the grocery store that come with Scooby Doo suckers and stuff like that. It doesn’t even matter if the candy itself is bad, because it’s the sentiment that counts. God, I’m deep. BRB, gonna go put this on my MySpace page. —Tavi

100 Comments

  • queserasera February 7th, 2012 11:06 PM

    sweethearts are one of those iconic valentines candies that are so lovely to look at but i can’t bare to eat. it tastes so gross. but ferrero rocher on the other hand… (:

    http://mercurialmanic.blogspot.com/

    • queserasera February 7th, 2012 11:14 PM

      also, i totally remember getting those elementary valentines cards! the teacher used to pass out brown paper bags we could decorate as “mail boxes” and put them on our desk and we would go around passing those cheesy little cards with cartoon characters. i thankfully kept most of them for memory’s sake. i’ll take pics and show yall one day!

      • moonchild February 8th, 2012 2:45 PM

        OH MY GOD SAME. And afterward, me and my brother would put all our chocolate candy in a pile and then melt it all together and then freeze it and it would be ONE GIANT CANDY BAR.

        *oh my god shock*

        yep.
        Gwen
        http://under-a-bridge.blogspot.com/

  • auburngirl February 7th, 2012 11:13 PM

    i am allergic to those red cinnamon hearts, it makes february a sad month

  • lilyrose February 7th, 2012 11:16 PM

    Ferrero Rocher is the drugstore candy god. I could seriously live of that stuff.

    • anisarose February 7th, 2012 11:25 PM

      i totally agree! i don’t really like to eat candy but i can’t get enough ferrero rocher! maybe it’s because it’s like nutella’s fancy sibling…

      anisarose.blogspot.com

  • Razzmatazzberry February 7th, 2012 11:22 PM

    Valentine’s Day is my very favorite holiday because of the candy and the childhood memories! This review really ~spoke to me~.

  • Hunter February 7th, 2012 11:24 PM

    i bought an ENTIRE BOX of choward’s violet mints and i had to put them in a bag within a bag within a SUITCASE and put it in my closet because the smell was sooo overwhelming. HIT ME UP IF YOU WANT SOME VIOLET CANDIES (they taste like deodorant!! yum!!)

  • andrea February 7th, 2012 11:29 PM

    ferrero rocher <3 and the violet mints were my aunt's favorite until it dissapear from my country :(

  • February 7th, 2012 11:45 PM

    Sticks & stones will break my bones, but words will never hurt me (or stop me from eating delicious Cherry Ripes), Anaheed! :-))

    • Anaheed February 8th, 2012 12:17 AM

      I will throw DOWN with you on this subject. That thing tasted like doo-doo.

      • hellosailor February 8th, 2012 12:38 AM

        WE WILL NOT GO DOWN WITHOUT A FIGHT. CHERRY RIPE 4EVA :D :D

      • Anaheed February 8th, 2012 12:44 AM

        If you love it when someone chews up maraschino cherries and coconuts and chocolates and then spits that mixture, mama-bird style, into your mouth, then I totally understand your love for this (gross) candy.

        • whyamidreamingwhenimstillawake November 1st, 2013 11:39 PM

          Nope, I agree with hellosailor. Cherry ripes are the best thing ever anaheed ok.

  • February 7th, 2012 11:59 PM

    Well I think American candy is weird – so there!

    • all-art-is-quite-useless February 8th, 2012 11:51 AM

      Agreed! Why is there so much peanut butter flavour stuff?

      And cinnamon hearts? Never before now have I known that cinnamon had anything to do with Valentine’s day.

      Also, is Dove the same thing as the chocolate that we call Galaxy in Britain? It has the same packaging…

      • koolkat February 8th, 2012 2:37 PM

        lol i honestly thought that the soap company had branched out when I saw the word Dove :P

      • flowerpunk February 8th, 2012 2:37 PM

        That’s what I thought about Dove too!

  • Lubby February 8th, 2012 12:04 AM

    Thank you Anaheed! Glad to see some Australian candy (or, uhm, lollies…) represented! Although don’t worry everyone, we do have ferrero rochers, and nutella. PHEW.

  • Stellaaaaarrr February 8th, 2012 12:07 AM

    Ok first of all, America has WAY weirder candy than Australia! Why can you get EVERYTHING in peanut butter flavour?? I will never understand. That being said I love American candy way more because you guys use corn syrup instead of wheat syrup and therefore I can eat almost whichever candy I want. (Being gluten intolerant is balls). I positively LIVED on York peppermint patties when I as in California and I miss them like hell now that I’m home, so the thought of the York hearts with pink peppermint makes me swoon. My candy pick would be peppermint Aero bars. (If you don’t have these in the US you are missing out!)

    • Anaheed February 8th, 2012 12:17 AM

      The reason you can get everything in peanut butter flavor here is that peanut butter tastes delicious.

  • rrruthie February 8th, 2012 12:18 AM

    I was thinking about Violet Mints the other day–my mom and grandma loved them soo much. I never thought they were good when I was younger, but I thought there was something classy about them that made me want to eat them anyway. I haven’t seen them in so long! A quest shall commence to find them :]

  • cherrycola27 February 8th, 2012 12:18 AM

    Ferrero Rochers= ewww. No way! My Italian teacher last semester was trying to be nice and gave them to us before Christmas break and I gave mine to a friend. That’s how serious I am about not liking this chocolate. I always WISH I would like them, but I never do. AND I never know how to pronounce it, partially because I’m an idiot and partially because I just don’t take the time, so in my head I just say like “FerrararaShea” and avoid saying it out loud.
    Ritter Sport are the best though! So delicious.
    Also, I don’t think I’ve laughed so much when reading anything about candy. I don’t think I’ve read much about candy before?

  • sedgwick February 8th, 2012 12:32 AM

    RITTER SPORT IS WITHOUT A DOUBT THE BEST CHOCOLATE IN THE WORLD! so many flavours!!!! in germany they have the cutest ad for the vanilla one, it’s like two best friends who paint their room beige and then eat the delicious beige coloured chocolate! I also like Milka Chocolate, it’s cheaper than cadbury which is what everyone buys here in aus but it tastes sooooo much creamier!

  • Olivia February 8th, 2012 12:35 AM

    hahahahah “It was something that wasn’t very good, but that I enjoyed. Like certain songs by the Police” and Anaheed’s Sandra Bullock comment made me lol soooo hard

  • Susann February 8th, 2012 12:41 AM

    I can’t believe someone prefers Ritter Sport to Godiva!

    http://fashioninpepperland.blogspot.com

  • Laia February 8th, 2012 12:43 AM

    If you’ve ever wondered, “Is there a way I can dip Nutella into Nutella?”

    oh jamie, youre a genius. i love EVERYTHING ferrero does. rocher, nutella, kinder bueno, kinder the other one and kinder the other other one. if we ever do an exclusive hazelnut-chocolate candy round-up i am there.

    also ira’s review of twizzlers is um. everything, i guess. but like, srsly.

  • puffytoad February 8th, 2012 1:01 AM

    I like Dove but I get suspicious of those messages… They are just trying to get me to eat more! Telling me to be indulgent or whatever. “Why yes, I do deserve another piece of candy.” Sneaky bastards.

  • Faust February 8th, 2012 1:51 AM

    Hahahaha this list is great, I really wish I could eat nutella and Ferrero Rocher’s (allergic to hazelnuts.)

    But I’m surprised Anaheed didn’t include tim tams, which is this amazing chocolate biscuit that you can suck milk and hot chocolate through like a straw.

    I think over in America you guys call it a ‘tim tam slam’ which is strange because we don’t have a name for it in Australia.

    But anyway everyone loves tim tams. Even though it is a biscuit and not really a ‘candy.’

  • zazza February 8th, 2012 2:35 AM

    well im sorry annaheed that you had to experience bad australian lollies.normal milo is the most delicious thing ever though it isnt really a lolly. I dont know how you could resist that green tin with the swimmer on it ! have you tried vegemite?

    • Anaheed February 8th, 2012 2:40 AM

      I love vegemite! Because I am a weirdo.

      • Jamie February 8th, 2012 6:05 PM

        we should have a gross food roundup

      • ghostworld February 10th, 2012 4:40 AM

        Anaheed!! vegemite tastes horrible, are you serious?!

        • Anaheed February 10th, 2012 4:40 AM

          I have perverse tastes.

  • leraje February 8th, 2012 3:07 AM

    recommendation for this list: the kinder bueno bar is the superior candy bar and i hate the united states for not having more of it. also: mozartkugeln. weird chocolate balls filled with marizpan and nougat wrapped with foil with a picture of mozart on them.

    also IRA GLAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSS

  • 1000swedishfish February 8th, 2012 3:13 AM

    odd seeing the milo chocolate thing. Do you drink Milo in the US? In Australia, drinking Milo is really popular it’s like our national night cap or something.

    • Anaheed February 8th, 2012 3:33 AM

      No! What is the Milo drink??

      • JAworthy February 8th, 2012 5:04 AM

        Milo is this yummy chocolate malt thing which gives you superpowers and happiness and SUNSHINE~ But seriously, it’s worth trying

      • koolkat February 8th, 2012 2:40 PM

        I was seriously addicted to the milo drink! I didn’t even know it was a candy bar! it’s sooo goood…

      • flowerpunk February 8th, 2012 2:47 PM

        Milo is sooo delicious, i actually eat it with a spoon out of the box!! Does anyone else do it?

      • 3LL3NH February 9th, 2012 5:51 PM

        I lived in Jamaica, and my parents taught me to drink weird Jamaica milk by overloading it with Milo……..I LOVE MILO!!!

        I also love Ritter Sport. Square, Practical, Good. Heck yes!

      • whyamidreamingwhenimstillawake November 1st, 2013 11:44 PM

        Milo is like this chocolate thingabobby that comes in a weird green tin and it’s amazing.
        Milo ice cream is the best thing everr.

  • Sue Denim February 8th, 2012 3:20 AM

    You hate peanut slabs??? They’re the best! (Especially the super peanut slabs). Anaheed prepare to have the whole of New Zealand coming at you like a wet flannel.

    • Anaheed February 8th, 2012 3:31 AM

      I AM READY. Come for me, New Zealand!! But in my defense, I really enjoyed that coconut slab.

  • ivoire February 8th, 2012 3:22 AM

    omg i live in australia and the stuff here is g r o s s.

    • ivoire February 8th, 2012 3:34 AM

      *are omg my grammar is amazing

  • Brit February 8th, 2012 3:52 AM

    FUCK YEAH, AUSTRALIAN LOLLIES!
    is there a tumblr dedicated to that? It wouldn’t surprise me.

  • Cait February 8th, 2012 4:33 AM

    Whittakers Peanut Slabs are a national treasure in New Zealand. I am personally offended and you have lost my readership. Good day to you.

  • Cait February 8th, 2012 4:45 AM

    Wait, you like Vegemite? GURRRRRL HELLO <3

  • zeefje February 8th, 2012 4:46 AM

    ferrero rocher; hell yeah! I luv’em

  • kittenmix February 8th, 2012 4:59 AM

    You’ve really offended me with those Milo comments, Milo was an integral part of my Childhood in The great southern land.

    • Anaheed February 8th, 2012 5:04 AM

      I am not against Milo! I am merely neutral. As I am about Sandra Bullock, whom many people LOVE.

      • callie February 8th, 2012 5:28 AM

        i lived in nigeria for a bit and they actually have like a folk song about milo the drink! it goes “mu fa milo kow gari” its like chocolate milk but kinda watery, like chocolate water. Like coconut water but if the coconut was chocolate?

      • Anaheed February 20th, 2012 2:57 AM

        SOLD. That sounds delicious.

  • JAworthy February 8th, 2012 5:12 AM

    This reminds me of Valentine’s in primary/elementary. Highlight of my year when I was ten, a poem from a boy:
    Hey Valentine,
    You are mine,
    You are kind,
    Love is blind.

    And I thought it was the most genius piece of writing ever. *cries tears of nostalgia*

  • Maialuna February 8th, 2012 7:32 AM

    E.T. SHAPED double salted licorice? That’s terrifying. *shudder*

  • Moskje February 8th, 2012 9:21 AM

    So there are people outside of the Netherlands who like licorice. I seriously cannot understand why people dislike it so much. Non-sweet, salty candy is just irresistible!

  • Ruby B. February 8th, 2012 10:31 AM

    Tavi, candy hearts are not only great for making stuff! They’re delicious, too!

  • SparklyVulcan February 8th, 2012 10:41 AM

    Sweethearts used to be my favorite candy until I found out they had gelatin in it (Shniffle,sobbb. :( )

  • loaa February 8th, 2012 11:36 AM

    Salt licorice is the best thing ever! I am from Norway, so I can get it everywhere, but my grandmother is English, and whenever we are on vacation in England(which is quite often), I have insane licorice abstinences. Actually, I think I have to go to the store now, and buy some salt licorice and ferrero rocher..

  • Emma Dajska February 8th, 2012 11:54 AM

    omg rookie is publicly slandering my national good PRINCE POLO (you know, it’s advertised with patriotic slogans like “tradition”, “fighting communism” etc – to sell a piece of a chocolate covered waffle) so it’s serious stuff! My heart’s broken.
    Ps. Prince polo is great cause it’s sweet but not too sweet!(sorry the patriotic part of me had to say that)

  • ai-ai February 8th, 2012 12:19 PM

    This makes me wish that Valentine’s was a bigger thing in Finland! We don’t really have any special Valentine’s candy… But a while ago I saw one thing that kind of counts, because it was clearly meant for couple-y chocolate eating. It was called something like “One for me, one for you” and it included three little chocolate hearts and one big chocolate teddy bear. How on earth are two people supposed share something like that? I’m sure it would cause plain awkwardness or a breakup because both want the teddy bear…

    Also, salt licorice is the god of underappreciated candy! I really really love it and it gives me this strange patriotic feeling of liking the thing that is loved by my country but hated by almost everybody else. Salmiakki! <3

  • isabellehungryghost February 8th, 2012 12:57 PM

    I wish i could eat all this american candy! the only thing we have is ritter sport. german chocolate is best! ok, ive never tasted a different chocolate before. :D

  • bedazzledbandannas February 8th, 2012 1:47 PM

    the Twizzlers post was SPOT ON.
    but I will almost definitely still buy them at the movies anyway.

  • phiely February 8th, 2012 2:10 PM

    OMG, Ritter Sport Knusperflakes – I’m just crazy about it! Good old German chocolate’s the best!

    • julalondon February 13th, 2012 5:21 AM

      yay german chocolate!!! ritter sport is actually made were i am from (proooud) and i love all of them, but knusperflakes is my favourite i guess..=)

  • Maddy February 8th, 2012 3:10 PM

    If you really want to convince yourself that Twizzlers are gross, I’d suggest tasting any/all of the “rainbow” twizzlers. They are really pretty and inedible. Really gross.

    Those double salted licorices look suspicious in that form. I’ve never heard of them.

    OMG how can anyone like violet mints?! They smell makes me so incredible nauseous. It took days to clear out! I couldn’t even eat a tiny bit. Blechhhh

  • luola February 8th, 2012 4:30 PM

    Whaaat?? Prince Polo is the best thing ever!!

  • fizzingwhizbees February 8th, 2012 5:08 PM

    RITTER SPORT YO.

    The marzipan kind is my absolute favorite. And I love the cappuccino one too. Sadly I only seem to be able to find them in airports…

  • ZodiBabe February 8th, 2012 5:58 PM

    can yall just talk about candy forever

  • mwong1025 February 8th, 2012 8:02 PM

    Perfect for which candy to buy on Valentine’s Day, which I would most likely spend my day eating candy while watching Doctor Who. Forever alone, but proud.

    Nutella dipped into Nutella = God does exist in the form of

    http://www.style-abuse.blogspot.com

  • impromptulove February 8th, 2012 11:04 PM

    I have a very important question for you all: should I buy those little elementary school valentines to give to my friends at school?

  • colleeneo February 8th, 2012 11:40 PM

    PLEASE tell me where you found Starburst babies. The look wonderful and fun (but something so wrong about eating babies, right?). I have a friend looking at CVS right now.

    • Anaheed February 8th, 2012 11:52 PM

      I have bad news for you, unless you live in Australia: I got them in Australia.

      • colleeneo February 9th, 2012 12:58 PM

        Eek, I found that out too. I’m trying to order them online. (!)

      • whyamidreamingwhenimstillawake November 1st, 2013 11:48 PM

        Yay Australia!

  • Hannnah February 9th, 2012 3:36 PM

    hahahahaa American candy is hilarious. I want it all. (Especially those cinnamon hearts, they look like they all might taste like the Jelly Belly hot cinnamon flavour beans, which is among my faves)

  • Stephanie February 9th, 2012 5:05 PM

    I love the classic conversation hearts, but I have to say I am soooooooooooooo excited to see Chowards violet candy represented! That is the best! Eating flowers!!! Purple! So good! A small drugstore by my house sells them. It is the best thing ever.

  • nutellacube February 9th, 2012 5:05 PM

    we need some healthier candy alternatives, ones that don’t contain hfcs or trans fat or preservatives or a ton of wheat, (gmo) corn, and soy. I LOVE junk/candy/snacks but how about dark chocolate covered almonds or homemade peanut butter cups or vegan coconut milk ice cream instead?

    that said, I do love cheap snacks from the Asian grocery store (I’m talking about you, Pocky)

  • kiwis February 9th, 2012 8:24 PM

    i just made a pendant with a sweetheart on it! it’s funny because i contemplated a bit with the clear gloss cause i thought the words would run

  • AllieBee February 9th, 2012 11:37 PM

    gummy bears, just because!

    http://thatalisonwonderland.blogspot.com/

  • I.ila February 12th, 2012 12:42 PM

    Ok, on 92(ish) street and 3rd in NYC there is a store called The London Candy Company and they have BRITISH CANDY and STUMPTOWN COFFEE and there is something there called a Curly Wurly which is actually the best thing ever.

    • I.ila February 12th, 2012 12:45 PM

      Also, I GOT THE MATRIX REFERENCE!!!!

    • julalondon February 13th, 2012 5:25 AM

      Curly Wurly is the most amazing thing EVER. While you eat it, you kinda hate it because its so sticky and you cannot open your mouth properly anymore, but on the other side its the most delicious candy you ever had, right?=)

    • Caoimhe February 13th, 2012 7:30 AM

      Curly Wurlys are AMAZING

  • Caoimhe February 13th, 2012 7:29 AM

    After reading this post I got a total craving for candy. There was none in my house so had to resort to eating… cake decorations. Which are not even that nice despite them being so adorable.

  • Tisha Loves Smokey Eyes February 13th, 2012 3:01 PM

    I love getting candy for Valentine’s Day and I always have so much fun handing out Valentine’s Day candy for loved ones. http://bit.ly/xN2uI9

  • Alexis February 14th, 2012 10:32 PM

    Oh my god Anaheed, your description of Squirts Crazy Babies. I JUST DIED LAUGHING. Also Tavi’s last thing. HOW ARE Y’ALL SO FUNNY?

  • girlnamedsarah February 20th, 2012 2:43 AM

    Anaheed you didn’t even eat any good Australian lollies while you were here. Did you visit a Darrel Lea?
    And by the way, you should have totally consumed milo the drink, not the bar, as it is an amazing substance that is sooo scrumptious.

    • Anaheed February 20th, 2012 2:51 AM

      I am going to have to go back to Australia just to drink a Milo, aren’t I.

      • girlnamedsarah February 21st, 2012 6:02 AM

        Chyeaahhh. And just because I am still astonished that you reviewed Australian candy without even going to Darrell Lea’s, here is their website. http://www.dlea.com.au/
        Their white chocolate rasberry liquorish bullets (is that the correct spelling?) and rocklea road are god sends.

  • VanyaTheDinosaur March 3rd, 2012 8:50 PM

    Oh my god Tavi that last entry is so amazingly hilarious that I died and this is my ghost here.

  • tasha27 March 5th, 2012 6:59 PM

    Hey. Where is the super quote about twizzlers from exactly? I clicked on the link and searched the site, but I cannot find it. If its an episode I want to listen to the whole thing. Thanks!

    • Anaheed March 5th, 2012 7:01 PM

      It’s not from TAL — Ira literally asked if he could review Twizzlers for us because he has such strong feelings about it!

  • tomkat March 21st, 2012 11:58 PM

    So much fun reading! I would laugh harder but I have twizzlers stuck in my teeth.

  • whyamidreamingwhenimstillawake November 2nd, 2013 12:30 AM

    AUSTRALIAN LOLLIES REPRESENT!
    Here’s a list of my favourites: next time you’re in Australia, Anaheed, try these.

    Caramello koalas
    Smarties
    Crunchies
    Cherry ripes
    Zooper doopers
    Milo
    Kit Kat
    Fizzers/fruit tingles
    Jaffas
    Cola bottles
    Racing cars
    Strawberries and cream

    <3