Fun

My Life With Justin Timberlake

We have been through a lot together.

Being a part of the Rookie gang is really great. Yes, it IS like a never-ending internet slumber party, but today it’s extra awesome because I get to talk about my life with Justin Timberlake.

Now when I say “my life with Justin Timberlake,” don’t think I’m some sort of SUPER STALKER or anything. JT and I have never actually met. But we have a history. I can’t help that we are old friends.

It all started when I saw him croon Jodeci’s “Cry for You” on The All-New Mickey Mouse Club with my other boyfriend Ryan Gosling.

At the time, I thought he was going to be just another notch on my belt o’ crushes, next to Luke Perry, Jonathan Brandis, the oldest brother from 3 Ninjas, and countless other hunks. I forgot about him until years later, when I saw him singing on an episode of Ricki Lake with his new boy band, ’N Sync.

Once I laid my hungry eyes on Justin’s rhythmic white-boy dance moves, I knew I was a goner. Cartoon hearts began to shoot from MY EYES! There was a part in their routine where they lined up and did some sort of synchronized homoerotic pelvic thrust (around 1:01 in the video above) that I naturally rewinded five times (yes I recorded it on my VCR). Sigh. I was just a horny teen with horny feelings.

Justin eventually went solo, writing stuff like this and this, killing me softly with his songs. Nowadays he is making movies AND is talented at it. UGH WHAT CAN’T YOU DO, JT?!

Recently, after confessing to my best friend about the weeklong Friends With Benefits marathon I had where I watched the movie every single night, I realized that Justin is my most successful celebrity crush. We have been through a lot together, such as:

Bad hairdos. They used to call me “Sonic,” as in Sonic the Hedgehog, because of the stiff, spiky short hairdo I had, but I could NEVA do the cornrows, Justin! (My scalp is way too sensitive.)

Embarrassing fashion choices. I like to break the rules of fashion and also enjoy a Texas tuxedo from time to time, but this one was OUTTA CONTROL, MY MAN!

We are polymathic individuals. Like a true Renaissance man, Justin is an actor, musician, philanthropist, businessman, avid golfer, and stoner. I’m taking a tap-dance class and will be getting my forklift license. Hello? We belong together.

Me and my man.

We have both dated some crazies. I know…who hasn’t? BUT I have a related anecdote. Once when I saw Justin Timberlake in concert in Las Vegas, I came back to my hotel room to find that my boyfriend at the time had left me ELEVEN messages breaking up with me (apparently he’d dropped some acid and decided it was a good time to end our relationship while I was out of town). And who was there to console me? MISTER JT. In poster form, but I’ll take what I can get.

What will the future hold for JT and Rie Rie, you ask? I’m pretty sure next on the agenda is when we open up a dance camp for kids together. He teaches a hip-hop class and I’m his lovable sidekick dance instructor; at the end-of-year recital, we find out the school is in danger of being shut down by some evil dudes in suits. The only way to save the school is if Justin and I perform a Jamaican dancehall routine. (Luckily for everyone, we had been secretly choreographing one just for fun.) All kinds of shenanigans happen, including both of my contact lenses popping out of my eyes, but by the end of the last booty shake JT realizes he’s totally in love with me and we DEEP FRENCH even though I can’t see shit. The end.

P.S. Write to me in about 10 years if the celebrity hunk you’re crushing over stands the test of time. Justin and I wish you luck. ♦

35 Comments

  • RockHatesMiriam February 14th, 2012 7:12 PM

    JT and Ryan gosling sing in weird pajama-like garms = strangely seductive ;)

    http://www.pompandceremony.blogspot.com

  • missblack February 14th, 2012 7:15 PM

    OMG JT!! Friends With Benefits was an awesome movie. I say that seriously. And I have extremely high standards when it comes to romantic comedies.

    DATE MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

    Little&Trivial

  • bunny2015 February 14th, 2012 7:19 PM

    THIS IS TOO CUTE! And true, I miss JT, I mean he really needs to bring his sexy back, BACK!

  • anisarose February 14th, 2012 7:25 PM

    things have changed…

    anisarose.blogspot.com

  • Livia February 14th, 2012 7:26 PM

    All I can say is “awww”.

  • chantal February 14th, 2012 7:29 PM

    I so wish Justin would go back to singing, imo that is his biggest forte.
    This brought back so many memories of me and my then bff singing along to Nsync over the phone. Backstreet Boys couldn’t hold a candle to them ♥

  • Marguerite February 14th, 2012 7:34 PM

    RYAN GOSLING! hehehehehe

  • MissKnowItAll February 14th, 2012 7:34 PM

    Oh, I do know what you mean. For me it was Leonardo Dicaprio when I saw him in The Titanic and What Eating Gilbert Grape. He pretty much embodied my horny adolescence fantasies. Even though I’ve moved on, I believe that one day, Leo will come to my window, serenading me with some Beatles song. Until that day, I’ve got my back up (Zayn Malik from One Direction).

  • fung-eyed February 14th, 2012 7:37 PM

    frankly, i was more into brian from the b/street/boys. YOU ARE MY FIRE< MY ONE DESIRE< objectifying boys ! woo woo!

    MushroomsAreGoth.Blogspot.com

    p.s. can rookie interview Sarah Vowell soon? I'm reading "Take the Canolli" right now // AMazing,. x

  • cherrycola27 February 14th, 2012 7:58 PM

    All I have to say is TINY RYAN GOSLING SINGING AND DANCING!!! OH MY GOSH! What the heck is that hip-swaying dance thing at the end of that video?? Ohhhh man. My celebrity crush is Mr. Gosling. Has been since I was 12 and saw The Notebook. Will be forever. Whadda hunk.

  • Razzmatazzberry February 14th, 2012 8:34 PM

    OHMYGOSH THE OVERSIZED 90S GARB

  • Maddy February 14th, 2012 9:06 PM

    huh so that’s what boy bands look like. (too busy being born in the 90s to watch mtv)

  • chickencaseydilla February 14th, 2012 11:15 PM

    i also love JT. seen him in concert thrice. and stalked him at the pebble beach golf tournament. (he shook my hand! nbd!)
    i feel ya girl!

  • Olivia February 14th, 2012 11:40 PM

    I CAN RELATE TO THIS. SO. MUCH.

  • Sonja February 14th, 2012 11:41 PM

    i cant stop laughing.

  • Susann February 15th, 2012 1:21 AM

    This is hilarious! :)

    http://fashioninpepperland.blogspot.com

  • Steph February 15th, 2012 2:13 AM

    OH MY GOD BABY RYAN GOSLING WHAT THE DUCK

  • Emma S. February 15th, 2012 7:40 AM

    The schmattas that the boys are wearing in that MMC clip are destroying me. An excellent, excellent post of how true love conquers all, even terrible, terrible clothes.

  • elizabethmarley February 15th, 2012 10:49 AM

    All I want is a DVD set of every episode of MMC. I still have the album somewhere.

    MMC forever.

  • isabellehungryghost February 15th, 2012 1:11 PM

    OMG! this is too funny! i was lmao!

    http://blogbyisabelle.blogspot.com/

  • vanessa February 15th, 2012 1:59 PM

    I love looking back at celeb crushes! Your rom-com future with JT is perfection, and reminds me that I need to brush up on my emergency choreography.

    My teen (and pre-teen) dream crush was Johnny Depp. I used to check his height stats in Bop magazine (5’10″, if memory serves) and measure it out on my wall…. so I could tape his poster up at his exact height. Many a Depp poster was covered with my Lip Smackers and teen age fantasies.

  • KayKay February 15th, 2012 2:16 PM

    I had no clue that Ryan Gosling can sing… and their potato bag clothes and Justin’s bad hair… oh, the 90s and early 2000s were a magical time…

  • Simone February 15th, 2012 10:17 PM

    Aaaaaaaahhh, that photo at the top! I remember buying the magazine it appeared in, trying to act super casual like, “Here I am to make my monthly purchase of GQ magazine, as usual. Oh, I didn’t even glance at who’s on the cover. Justin Timberlake? I don’t even know who that is. Just buying this fine periodical for the articles, AS ALWAYS.”

    I came across the magazine a couple of years ago in my closet and ripped out the pictures of JT. I keep them in a peechee folder and pull them out and look at them every once in a while…

    I am digging Rookie’s “Obsession” month because getting obsessed with stuff is kinda my thing, so I can relate. <3

  • Smearo February 16th, 2012 12:06 AM

    I love that man. Every time it’s raining, I have this urge to reenact the video for “Cry Me a River”.

  • Kaylahh96 February 16th, 2012 2:59 AM

    kinda my life right here. :P

  • emine February 16th, 2012 11:52 AM

    since i’m obviously a very emotionally stable and completely sane individual this post actually sparked feelings of jealousy in me because i am strangely possessive of my celebrity husbands. (i first tried crushes or boyfriends but neither cut it) because justin and ESPECIALLY ryan have already been spoken for, girl. by me. and i will stand by my speech. and i will challenge you to a wizarding duel if that’s what it takes. I WILL ALWAYS STAND BY THEM!!!!!!!!

    like i said, completely sane and emotionally stable.

  • mirabella February 18th, 2012 8:30 AM

    This was so funny indeed :D And I know what’s this like, I’ve had a few pretty “serious” celebrity crushes in my teenage, too: Jason Behr as Max Evans from Roswell and Daniel Radcliffe…

  • bellalane February 18th, 2012 10:34 AM

    Sweet merciful heavens. That MMC clip is the best thing I’ve seen all year. The sleeveless vests! The huuuuuge pants! THE FANS ON STAGE!!!

    90′s fashion, people. Never forget.

  • Laia February 18th, 2012 5:19 PM

    my affair with grohl has been going on for 15 years now. maybe we could all go out on a double-date sometimes.

    • Tourdivoire February 21st, 2012 9:11 AM

      Let’s make it a triple-date, since I’ve been married to Jude Law since 1999!

      (Now I understand why my submission to Rookie about the above-mentionned marriage hasn’t been featured: Marie’s story is so much funnier)

  • maggiemadge March 12th, 2012 11:56 PM

    auggg… this takes me back. Originally, I had a crush on Lance Bass (boy, I was barking up the wrong tree) but now that I take a look back, I can’t believe how hot Justin Timberlake was and still is. Not only was he a great singer, but he is REALLY funny on SNL. I’m so glad that he is still doing well. (note on video: check out 3:13 for a line of bored audience members, lol)

  • Smashley March 14th, 2012 1:42 AM

    I’ve had a crush on Taylor Lautner since 3rd grade. I’m now in 9th,so I’m not that far away from 10! Can’t wait to celebrate Taylor and I’s big ten!!! lol:D

  • NotReallyChristian May 25th, 2012 7:49 PM

    You hear that random, sporadic cheering in the background of the Micky Mouse Club clip (yes, I learned the word ‘sporadic’ from Cher Horowitz)? In about the year 2000, or maybe 2001, my school sent a busload of kids to be ‘background cheering kids’ on a show like that: there are men employed who literally run around and shout at you all to cheer.

  • NotReallyChristian May 25th, 2012 7:55 PM

    also: my long-term crush is a bit nerdier: Tom Hiddleston. You know, from Moonlight in Paris? And, er, Thor? He used to be a student at Cambridge University, and I live in Cambridge (and also study there, but that’s another story). When I was a kid we used to go to the theatre a lot, and I saw him as Romeo in a student production of Romeo and Juliet when I was 9 and TOTALLY fell in love with him. We saw him a couple more times (Angelo in All’s Well that Ends Well and Electra’s brother in Electra which by the way he performed IN ANCIENT GREEK, HE SPEAKS ANCIENT GREEK, MASSIVE NERDGASM), then he totally disappeared until … he started being in movies!! My family and I always go to his films. :) (I also sent him Facebook fanmail when I was like 14, and he wasn’t famous enough to make his Facebook private. He totally answered).