Tech

The Most Crushable Video Game Characters: A List

In ascending order!

I play video games like playing video games is my job, and business is booming. I put in a lot of time on this hobby/addiction, and when you’re on the console as much as I am, it’s only natural to start to develop…certain feelings for the characters on screen. It’s not like I put on makeup before I start playing Half-Life 2, but I have started to develop a bit of a list of video-game-character crushes. They’re not all protagonists—hell, they’re not all human—but they’re all mine.

10. Wheatley from Portal 2

Why so crushable? OK, so he’s really just a round robot from Portal 2. I know that. But he’s funny, he’s smart, he’s adorably bumbling, he’s complex, and he’s voiced by Stephen Merchant. We can work around his lack of humanity.
Special talents: *SPOILER ALERT* He can be a pretty awesomely twisted bad guy if need be. Otherwise, he’s Jesse Eisenberg in robot form: all adorably klutzy and unsure of himself.
Availability: At game’s end, he’s drifting around in space, lonely, so if you can find him, he’s all yours!

9. Eddie Riggs from Brutal Legend

Why so crushable? Eddie is a heavy metal roadie that is transported to a heavy metal universe and asked to save the world. And he does it, without ever demanding the spotlight (because he’s a roadie and that’s what they do), and with some of the best mutton chops in gaming. Bonus: he’s voiced by Jack Black.
Special talents: Turns out this unassuming, kind-hearted roadie is damn good at assembling and directing an army. Also, he can play guitar, and he uses the power of rock ’n’ roll to defeat the emo bad guys. (This game is pretty clever, and if you haven’t played it yet, you should.)
Availability: Eddie is noble, good, sweet, and totally devoted…to his work. Which is kinda what makes him so attractive. Expect a lot of hangouts with no commitment.

8. Samantha from Gears of War 3

Why so crushable? Samantha is one of two females on the Gears of War team, and she earned that position by being an amazing soldier, with the added benefit of being able to verbally dice up the rest of the Gears. To call her acid-tongued is an understatement. Plus she has a wicked Aussie accent, and she’s gorgeous (without constantly showing her cleavage).
Special talents: She tattoos! When Dom’s wife died, Sam tattooed her face onto Dom’s arm. Awww.
Availability: She flirts here and there, but she seems pretty available, if you can keep up with her.

7. Garcia Hotspur from Shadows of the Damned

Why so crushable? Garcia is one of the first Latino bad-boy protagonists in gaming. He’s tattooed, he wears a leather jacket, and his hair is dreamy, and all he wants to do is rescue his girlfriend. From hell.
Special talents: Turning booze into health points, fighting demons, making hilarious double-entendres.
Availability: Well, he did spend all his time and energy rescuing his current girlfriend from hell, but their relationship is so volatile, they’ll probably break up soon.

6. Gordon Freeman and Alyx Vance from Half-Life 2

Why so crushable? It was impossible to choose between these two. Gordon Freeman is the main protagonist: a theoretical physicist charged with, you guessed it, saving the world. He never speaks, and you never even see him unless you’re on the main menu of the game, but every time I do, I’m shocked at how much he looks like dudes I’ve dated. Glasses, slight beard, intense-looking. Meow. Alyx is the daughter of a doctor that Gordon must consult with, but she’s so smart and handy that she comes along with him and ends up saving him most of the time. She’s a hacker, she has a great sense of humor, and she looks great in jeans.
Special talents: Gordon’s is his ability to keep his glasses on whilst fighting monsters. Alyx’s is her ability to stay positive and crack jokes as all hell is breaking loose.
Availability: Gordon seems like the kind of guy you’d need to befriend and then slowly get to know before making a move on him, but Alyx would probably be up for going on a date…if she’s not busy killing headcrab zombies.

5. Master Chief from the Halo games

Why so crushable? Master Chief is a bit of the strong, silent type, in that he barely ever speaks despite being the protagonist of four video games, and you never get to see his face at all, which makes it a bit like having a crush on a guy based on his emails alone. All you have to go on are Master Chief’s actions of inspiring an entire army, making tough choices, and kicking ass.
Special talents: Being enormous and anonymous. What does Master Chief really look like? Whatever you fantasize!
Availability: He’s probably not even slightly looking to date, but wouldn’t it be awesome to be the one person he decides to raise his helmet for?

4. Bayonetta from Bayonetta

Why so crushable? Bayonetta is a beautiful, magical witch who has GUNS IN HER HIGH HEELS, so she has to do headstands to shoot you. Plus, she wears glasses. And she is pissed off. She’s clever, never loses her cool, and can fight like crazy while keeping track of a young orphan girl. Did I mention she wears glasses?
Special talents: Bayonetta’s clothes are actually made of her hair. That is pretty rad.
Availability: She isn’t looking to get involved with anyone right now. She’s kinda focusing on her career.

3. Cloud Strife from Final Fantasy VII

Why so crushable? He looks like a twee little guy, but man, is Cloud complicated. He’s got killer hair, an enormous weapon (the Buster Sword), and also, he’s a former member of a genetically modified military unit called SOLDIER. He’s noble and wants to do the right thing, but he’s got some emotional issues to deal with that make it hard to know what’s truth and what’s delusion. He’s not even sure if he’s human, you guys.
Special talents: Fighting. Being badass. Being complicated.
Availability: Seriously, Cloud is the ultimate “project” guy. He’s got issues, and as sweet and badass as he might be, handle with care. Perhaps more of a fling than a long-term dude.

2. Chun Li from Street Fighter

Why so crushable? Chun Li is the number-one chick you should not underestimate. She is pretty, sure, but she is also a feminist pioneer because she’s the first-ever playable female character in a fighting game.
Special talents: The Spinning Bird Kick, of course!
Availability: Chun Li seems like she’d be an amazing girlfriend, and totally free of silly emotional baggage. With her, it’d be all romantic dates, fun training sessions, and ironing her qipao.

1. Nathan Drake from the Uncharted games

Why so crushable? He’s flawed, he’s passionate about history, he’s well traveled. Plus, that HAIR! He’s the closest thing we have, in video-game world, to Indiana Jones. More than anyone or anything else on this list, Nathan Drake seems like an actual dude you would meet, possibly in a coffee shop in Turkey. He is one of the most fully realized characters in all of gaming, and I fully realize that they built him to be incredibly appealing.
Special talents: Climbing literally anything, decoding ancient mysteries, looking good while sweating.
Availability: Despite how real they’ve made him, he’s just real enough to not be that interested in you. He’s more into his artifacts. Work comes first, and you’d have to be OK with that. Also, his co-workers are often incredibly attractive women, and sometimes his ex-wife. ♦

51 Comments

  • EmilyJn February 7th, 2012 7:19 PM

    woah Gordon Freeman has Hugh Laurie’s face

    • zeefje February 8th, 2012 4:44 AM

      I was thinking the exact same thing!

  • MissKnowItAll February 7th, 2012 7:23 PM

    What about ezio from Assasin’s creed. Sexy as hell and the man knows how to work a robe. btw, Gordon sort of looks like hugh laurie.

    • Adrienne February 7th, 2012 8:53 PM

      Omg I know right! Ezio sooo hot with his hood. :)

  • AndieP February 7th, 2012 7:45 PM

    Squall Leonhart will always be my #1. <3

  • moonchild February 7th, 2012 8:04 PM

    Portal is awesome. You should totally have the companion cube on there. Cute, in a totally amazing way. :)

  • kendallakwia February 7th, 2012 8:12 PM

    Feminist Frequency did a video about the sexism surrounding Bayonetta, I suggest you watch it:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hcaKvZLNVek

    • Chimdi February 8th, 2012 12:30 AM

      I watched it! I’ve actually been watching Feminist Frequency for the last hour, I’d never heard of it before now…

      I can’t believe Bayonetta is so blatantly oversexualized…thanks!

    • marimba_girl February 8th, 2012 3:02 PM

      You beat me at posting this link :)

  • back2thepast February 7th, 2012 8:25 PM

    Tooootally looks like Hugh Laurie. I used to play Zelda on Nintendo 64 and had a major crush on link. smokin little elf

    • KinuKinu February 8th, 2012 7:48 PM

      Link is awesome and I have a crush on him too.I will go play some Zelda now.

  • emmilions February 7th, 2012 8:40 PM

    i’m sorry, but where the hell is cole phelps WHERE THE HELL IS COLE PHELPS

    AND WHAT ABOUT JAMES MARSTON OR PROFESSOR LAYTON… i demand an unbiased list like c’mon when you got the sniper from tf2 running around you pick the insult to feminism herself* whAT IS HAPPENING

    *bayonetta

  • emmilions February 7th, 2012 8:46 PM

    AND WHY WOULD YOU NOT HAVE ELLIS ON THERE

    what is wrong with you i am ashamed rookie mag i demand a gurl gamerr article that is better researched because WHAT

  • Mariana February 7th, 2012 9:01 PM

    YES when I saw this article on the homepage, I thought, “Wheatley and Gordon Freeman need to be in that.” This is an awesome list.

  • Miarele February 7th, 2012 9:21 PM

    wow, Rookie. Your articles this month continues to make me unbelievably happy and giggly like a 10-year-old! <3

    Almost all of Final Fantasy's main character are crushable, in my opinion. Heck, even some of the secondary characters are hot too. SQUARE ENIX really knows how to make us fangirls squeal!

    • appledarling February 12th, 2012 12:11 AM

      yeah i was totally wonderin why LIGHTNING wasn’t here. <3

      the true ending of ff13-2…. oh god. when she's sitting in that beautiful disintegrating mess…. SO HOT.

  • sobrina February 7th, 2012 9:27 PM

    HOW THE HELL IS LINK NOT ON THIS LIST? I’ve had a crush on him since I was like six. I thought everyone was in love with him!

    • rainymouse February 7th, 2012 11:27 PM

      I’ve been in love with him forever. Everyone I know is in love with Link! He should definitely have been on the list.

  • Miraa_24 February 7th, 2012 9:34 PM

    Where’s Alistair of Dragon Age:Origins????????
    And Garrus from Mass Effect?????
    Or Anders from Dragon Age 2?????

    >:D

    • glalalamour February 7th, 2012 10:34 PM

      ALISTAIR THEIRIN. OH GOD.

  • Miraa_24 February 7th, 2012 9:34 PM

    And EZIO???????? Pleeeease add him! :D

    • MissKnowItAll February 8th, 2012 4:32 PM

      I know right? Smokin assassin boy!

      • KinuKinu February 8th, 2012 7:49 PM

        Ezio……a little drool…just a little.

  • Maddy February 7th, 2012 9:36 PM

    drakeeee. that is actually a flattering picture of him. but he was always too sarcastic for me “yeah, I don’t think *that* is gonna open the door.”

  • brynntheredonethat February 7th, 2012 9:56 PM

    WHEATLEY. Definitely was expecting him when I saw this article, and HE WAS ON HERE. :D You forgot Link, though. He was literally my first crush ever, when I was like three (which I was really embarrassed to admit until like two years ago when I realized that I thought it was HILARIOUS because I STILL have a crush on him).

  • Nina_8 February 7th, 2012 10:00 PM

    Alistair from Dragon Age: Origins is THE dreamiest video game character to ever walk the planet. Hands down.

  • AmerincaninHK February 7th, 2012 10:18 PM

    Just to be the a-hole who points this kind of thing out, technically Chun Li wears a Chinese qipao, not a Japanese kimono.

    Feel free to flame me for being “that guy”

  • Bentivegna February 7th, 2012 10:34 PM

    how is sora from kingdom hearts not on here?! he’s so dreamy..

  • glalalamour February 7th, 2012 11:00 PM

    I’d also like to nominate Commander Shepard from Mass Effect. You can play as a male or a female but why not be the most badass woman in the Milky Way?

    Seriously, playing as a female character does not get any better than this. She’s not overly sexualised, she’s on the same par as her male counterpart and she can be as compassionate or as ruthless as you choose her to be. Shepard’s just fucking awesome.

    I’m happy she’s getting more publicity for Mass Effect 3. Plus, she’s voiced by the great Jennifer Hale!

  • emile February 8th, 2012 12:06 AM

    oh so happy to see chun-li on this list! she was always my favorite street fighter: gorgeous and badass. my main crush, however, is and will always be ganondorf. because, yes.

  • sunshine February 8th, 2012 1:31 AM

    gordon freeman totally looks like hugh laurie!

    batmanisreal.blogspot.com

  • acatfollowedmehome February 8th, 2012 1:55 AM

    I THINK LINK SHOULD BE HERE

  • sneakybacon February 8th, 2012 3:00 AM

    ZELDA?! just zelda

  • mangachic February 8th, 2012 6:35 AM

    Lilli!!! From tekken. She’s a bit more cleavage ish but watching her fight is amazing and she’s super crushable

  • 3LL3NH February 8th, 2012 10:02 AM

    Kingdom Hearts guys– Sora’s beautiful. Kairi and Sora are beautiful. Roxas is beautiful. That is all

  • isabellehungryghost February 8th, 2012 12:53 PM

    Im still in love with mario. for ever.

    http://blogbyisabelle.blogspot.com/

  • Hannah Banana February 8th, 2012 2:09 PM

    Chun-Li isn’t Japanese, she’s Chinese. What she’s wearing isn’t a kimono but a cheongsam/qipao. Not all Asian cultures are the same and making generalizations about Asian dress is offensive

    • Anaheed February 8th, 2012 2:49 PM

      I totally agree, and this is my fault for not checking it thoroughly. I’ll fix it now, and thanks for pointing it out, and sorry we messed this up.

  • Isobel February 8th, 2012 3:12 PM

    How can you miss out cute Link! and Zelda, too, for that matter..! And Tetra the pirate girl… Gosh, Legend Of Zelda is full of them. My best friend used to have a crush on Spyro too…

  • Saaoirse February 8th, 2012 5:13 PM

    Wheatley? Smart? He was designed to make bad decisions! And that’s a dealbreaker, ladies.

    (P.S: Domino Hurley from Grim Fandango. Truuuust me.)

  • MissKnowItAll February 8th, 2012 6:08 PM

    I think someone should address the fact that Gordon has a creepy resemblance to Hugh Laurie.

  • Jamie February 8th, 2012 11:39 PM

    my #1 video game crush is the breadstick shaped block in tetris

    • appledarling February 12th, 2012 12:12 AM

      hottest four units to drop into any crevice

  • Taylor February 9th, 2012 2:03 AM

    NATHAN DRAKE. WHAT A HUNK.

    Should have included Vito Scaletta from Mafia 2 because DAMN THAT BOI IS FINE. But this is a good list and I respect it.

  • zoey. February 9th, 2012 8:47 PM

    What about Link?!? Apparently I’m not the only one who thinks he’s missing from this list.

  • kasmslo February 11th, 2012 8:37 PM

    Cloud sums up almost every male Final Fantasy protagonist/character.

  • frenchalot February 15th, 2012 9:40 PM

    I love how much recognition Uncharted is getting nowadays. On IGN.com, Nathan and Elena were number 1 for best video game couples. Now, Rookie names Drake as most crushable, and in the Numero Uno spot?

    Ugh.

    That series is impeccable and I’m so glad people know it.

    BTW, I’m pwning ass on Multiplayer. Anyone wanna play with me sometime, my PSN: Frenchalot

  • Nikilodeon February 19th, 2012 8:22 AM

    Gordon Freeman looks like House.

  • no_aloha February 25th, 2012 11:33 PM

    The Medic from Team Fortress 2 is up there on my list.

  • PetitePrince February 29th, 2012 3:12 AM

    I was so waiting for April from The Longest Journey/ Dreamfall to be somewhere in top five. It actually probably has to do with the fact that the storyboard was mooving enough as to make me cry, which had never ever happened to me playing a video game.

    Anyway, she’s in mine (: