Sex + Love

How to Approach the Person You Like Without Throwing Up

Advice from a 10-year-old girl, a 52-year-old man, and lots of people in between.

By far the most common question we get from readers, for our various You Asked It columns, is some variation of “I like this person. But I’m scared to talk to them. How do I let them know I like them?” So, while articles on “How to Make HIM Notice You” aren’t really our style here on Rookie, we also couldn’t ignore this trend, and we sure don’t have anything against crushes and love and turning your make-out fantasies into reality. So we thought about this question and realized that there’s no one good answer. How best to make a move on the person who occupies your brain space during the majority of your waking hours depends on what you feel comfortable with, so it’s different for everyone. So we thought about it some more, and talked about it as a group, and asked some of our friends, and finally came up with a few ideas to help you out, you little vixens to be.

“Flirting,” as we see it, doesn’t have to be as overt and corny as, like, the ol’ Elle Woods “bend and snap” method (on what real-life planet would this work?). It’s more about being at ease while interacting with people in a way that’s a little more suggestive and fun than your average conversation would be. Flirting isn’t necessarily about engineering the perfect situation that’ll make somebody want to jump on you—it’s about teasing, joking, laughing, touching (sometimes!), and complimenting. And being comfortable doing those things.

Again, not all of these methods will apply to every person. These are just some techniques that we’ve found useful when we’re feeling crushed out and nervous and excited and shy.

1. Ease into things. Start small—as much as you might want to share with your crush object the Helga-from-Hey-Arnold!-style closet shrine that you’ve made in their image, it’s a lot more fun, and usually more successful, to make conversation and build attraction (not to mention sexual tension, aka the best thing ever) over time. Says Hannah, “The more often you talk and hang out, the better you’ll be able to judge if there’s chemistry and whether it’s going somewhere. Trust your instincts!” If you’re reading this and inwardly going, “UGH, how am I even going to have the courage to approach this person more than once without completely bugging out and proposing marriage?” don’t worry. It’s totally OK to be a little more direct. To wit:

2. Just blurt it out. Anaheed shared this tactic: “In college, I was SO shy and awkward, so I would counteract my inner desire to flee and hide with the most aggressive approach possible—I would go up to a boy that I liked and say, ‘Listen, you don’t have to do anything about this, but I just wanted to say I have a crush on you,’ and then I would RUN away. And it worked. Probably because I liked boys who were just as shy and awkward as I was.” I think this sounds pretty adorable without seeming skeevy—because even though you’re putting your feelings out there, it’s not in a way that puts your crushee on the spot (well, not too much). You’re giving them space to think about it and then respond to you when they have their thoughts in order, although I wouldn’t recommend physically sprinting away from them. Instead, once you’ve put it out there, just say something like, “I just wanted to let you know I was interested. I’ll see you later,” and calmly go about your business while freaking out and congratulating yourself inwardly. This technique works on Arabelle, by the way: “Confidence,” she says, “is the only way to get in my pants. I’m always attracted to super-cute shy girls, but I’m way too unsure of myself, gamewise, to approach them. I’m way into when a girl approaches ME and is like, ‘So, I don’t know if you’re into girls, but I think you’re really cute and here is my number OK bye.’”

3. Ask. Krista says that if she could do high school over again, “I would GO FOR IT if I was fairly certain a girl was being more than normal-friendly with me. It’s all right to ask people, ‘Hey, is this OK?’ if you feel like holding hands or putting your head on a shoulder.” This approach is so respectful, and I recommend it, because, again, it’s giving people room and permission to say they’re not interested, and you don’t look like a creep.

4. Be out. For those of us who identify as LGBTQ, it can be tough to meet people you want to date in high school, or to even feel comfortable trying. But, conversely, says, Krista, “If you’re out (WHICH IS SO BRAVE), it’s sometimes EASIER to get girls, as they come to you. The only lezzer at school = lots of curious friends.” Krista has these further tips for queer kids:
• Widen your net. Join a club, team, or group that isn’t through your school. You’ll meet new girls, and it’s nice to have a lot of options, community-wise, when you’re first coming out.
• If you’re attracted to one of your friends and she has told you that she’s curious about girls, go for it.
• BRAVE STEP: Join or start an LGBTQ group at school. Even if you don’t find love (or sex), you’ll have created a new community and made new allies. Always cool.

5. Collect rejections like badges of honor. As Lesley wrote in her latest advice column, it’s OK if your crushee gives you a weird look and quickly scuttles away after you approach them. You are REALLY RAD for making a move in the first place, and this experience, however disappointing it might feel in the moment, will help you with future crush situations. The only way to stop fearing rejection is to have it happen and realize, whether it’s an hour or a week or a month afterward, that it didn’t kill you. In fact, you’re just fine. You can do it!

6. Share some pithy observation. The key to having a nice conversation with not only a person whom you want to french, but basically anybody in the world ever, is observing and building on a common experience. If the person is someone you see often, like in class, in your youth group, or at play rehearsal, you have time to create a friendly rapport with them that has the potential to get them just as interested in you. Since you’ve both already shared some experiences from this thing you both do, like the weird, overzealous way your band teacher pronounces staccato or how tough it can be to memorize a Shakespearean monologue, you have things to talk about that aren’t just “I LOVE THE WAY YOUR PANTS FIT YOUR BUTT, WHICH IS INCIDENTALLY A VERY CUTE PART OF YOUR BODY.” If you can tear yourself away from mooning over being near the person for a few seconds (and I know this can be tough, of course), you’ll notice the funny, weird, and specific things going on around both of you and be able to make a little joke about it. And here’s a major life truth: inside jokes = foreplay. Having a secret little something between you (a) is hot and (b) will come in handy later on—you can reference it to start another conversation with this person later.

Even if you only see this person in passing, I guarantee you can find something to work with. Anna’s advice can help you with this: “Whenever I see a guy wearing a T-shirt for a band I like, I have to comment. It’s a good go-to because then you have something to talk about, and everybody wears band T-shirts. Generally, finding any sort of common ground: ‘How ’bout that pep rally today? That sure is a thing that happens in contemporary high schools attended by the youth of America!’” It sure is! You can talk about basically anything, as long as you’re not trying to mold yourself into someone’s OMGDREAMGIRL based on what you already know about them, or what you learned from snooping on their Facebook info page. Emulating what you think they want never turns out the way you want it to; instead, it usually seems transparent and weird, even if your intentions are good. “Anonymous” (IT’S TAVI SHE’S JUST SHY EVERYONE MAKE FUN OF HER) says, “In my experience, people who aren’t so self-serious like being challenged about the things they like, like if you have some kind of playful argument over a band or how to feel about the new season of 30 Rock. People generally think it is cool when other people know about things and have opinions about them. They are impressed, and then curious as to how you feel about other things, and then you have more reasons to talk to each other.”

Some crushes, of course, are more spur-of-the moment, so you might be wondering how to talk to someone whom you don’t know. If this person is someone you’re seeing for the first and possibly only time, like from across the room at a show, it’s OK to be a little more forthcoming with your attention. Again, you’re in a situation where you’re having a common experience, so muster the courage to stand up as straight as you can if you’re able (it sounds silly, but confidence is sexy), casually walk over to the person, and say something like, “Wow, that last song was amazing. Have you seen them play before?” during a break in the set. Or if you think the show sucks, say that! Then see where the conversation goes.

7. Be an interviewer. An actual professional interviewer, Ira Glass (friend of Rookie, husband of Anaheed), has this suggestion: “I don’t know if this is just a cliché, and I fear that it is, but the main flirting technique I know is just to act very very interested in the other person and ask lots of questions and just talk to them about them. Try not to seem desperate when you do this. I was very awkward around other people when I was little and I remember consciously developing the technique of asking lots of questions to get any conversation going. Only later did I learn the importance of also talking about yourself. But asking questions and giving opinions about their situation is pretty straightforward, even for a spaz like I was.”

8. Look them in the eye. If you’re in a situation where it’s not really appropriate to start talking to a cute somebody without seeming intrusive, like on a bus or subway, eye contact goes a long way. You don’t have STARE at them like a gross person, but flicking your eyes over to them and keeping eye contact for a few seconds will give you a clue about whether they want you to approach and have a conversation with your voices and not just your sensual gazes. (If they hold your gaze for a few seconds and/or smile and/or keep looking back at you, those are all good signs.) Then ask them what they’re reading or listening to, and work from there!

9. Touch them. Here’s Ira again: “[Touch them] on the arm, on the knee, wherever. Their response will often tell you if they’re interested. At the very least: if they don’t move away from you, you’re still in play. If they reposition, you’re doomed.”

10. Don’t suck up. Once you’ve gotten to the point where you’re speaking to your crush object semi-often and everything is going well, first of all, that’s awesome and I’m proud of you, and second, there are a lot of different tactics you can adopt now to keep things cool (and by cool I mean HOT) (ugh, sorry) while simultaneously building up to the result you’re looking for—whether that’s a relationship, something sexual, or just someone snuggly to argue with over what to watch on Netflix. For me, at this point, when I was IN THE GAME, I always stepped off a little. It’s hard to keep someone wondering about you when you’re always RIGHT THERE, so it always seemed better to let them IM/text/call/whatever me first. Jessica can back me up on this: “The only sure-fire things I know for getting a boy’s attention are: (1) Confidence. (2) Ignoring them rather than trying to engineer yourself into being whatever you think their ‘type’ is. (3) This certainly barely applies to only a really tiny subset of girls, but if you write a review about how much you hated his band’s record, all he will want to do is find out a way to get you to like him.” That last thing happened to me a ton when I was a music writer. We’re not saying go out of your way to be mean (doy), but if you don’t kiss the ass of someone who’s used to being treated that way, they notice. This comes in handy especially if you’re lusting after someone who gets a lot of sexual/romantic attention from others. If you don’t suck up, and maybe even back away a little once you’ve established a connection, the person will be wondering where you went and possibly even start fiending you.

11. Just be honest. There are some Rookies who frown upon method #10 and avoid what they call “game-playing” and I call “ssseduction.” Here’s Emma S.: “I try to follow the controversial rule of talking straight.” And Hannah: “I don’t believe in acting uninterested when you’re actually interested. I don’t like the idea of playing games.” And Eleanor: “Acting uninterested actually just makes the person think you aren’t interested.” I’ve only used that method to avoid coming on too strongly after initially showing interest, and it’s always worked great. So, go with whatever feels most natural to you.

12. Practice! There are ways to have fun with flirting even if you don’t currently have a heart-searing crush. Although high-schoolers, especially boys, are sometimes (OK, most of the time) pretty bad at wooing the people they like in a suave way, you’ll still be able to tell what it means when he or she does things like suspiciously pop up at your locker even if his/hers is across the school. Depending on what this person is like, you will find this (a) totally irritating, (b) kind of cute but ultimately misguided, like a monkey playing with an iPad, or (c) endearing enough to entertain the idea of flirting back. If it’s this last one, great! This is a great person to practice on, to figure out what kind of flirting you’re most comfortable with. Important note: I’m not suggesting that you fuck around with someone’s emotions or make them believe that you’re more interested in them than you actually are, but, as you know, you’re probably not about to get married, so it’s OK to have sexually or romantically charged interactions with somebody without getting more involved. It will definitely help to build your confidence.

13. The secret weapon. If all else fails, you can always follow the advice of Maura, my friend Bee’s 10-year-old cousin and, seemingly, a direct descendant of Elle Woods herself. In a recent Facebook chat, she had the following advice to give her lovestruck older relative:

MAURA: pretend you dropped your pencil during class and bump into him so u meet eye to eye, then he will kiss u, it will work
BEE: but what if we aren’t in class? what if we are at a bar?
MAURA: drop something like a cherry out of your cocktail

And there you have it. Now get out there! Good luck, and have fun! ♦

99 Comments

  • Susann February 6th, 2012 3:07 PM

    This is SO helpful! Thanks!

    http://fashioninpepperland.blogspot.com

  • rosiesayrelax February 6th, 2012 3:12 PM

    I’ll definitely be trying out #12 tomorrow, watch out fellas!!

    http://rosiesayrelax.blogspot.com/

  • marimba_girl February 6th, 2012 3:21 PM

    Hey, not trying to be a jerk or anything but, after number 10 the almost last word is spelled wrong. It should be spelled “finding”. Currently it is spelled like fiend – ing which I’m pretty sure is not what the writer meant :)

    P.S. Good advice! I also recommend bonding with your crush over a really craptastic teacher, it worked for me!!

  • Agnes February 6th, 2012 3:32 PM

    This is genius. totally trying #13 out in school tomorrow.

  • EmilyJn February 6th, 2012 3:43 PM

    fab but what is a pep rally?

    • Anna F. February 6th, 2012 4:05 PM

      idk, something I read about in Archie comics (I’m not American)

    • puffytoad February 6th, 2012 4:50 PM

      A pep rally is where they parade football players and cheerleaders in front of you and then scold your entire class for not singing loudly enough about how “rowdie” you are.

      • Emilie February 6th, 2012 6:02 PM

        Puffytoad you are so accurate it is ridiculous.

    • jenjencm February 7th, 2012 12:24 AM

      A pep rally is an event where they get students pumped up for an upcoming game or dance. They usually have some sort of entertainment like dancing by sports teams and clubs.

  • allydoubleyou February 6th, 2012 3:46 PM

    I just needed to say thank you for being inclusive of the LGBTQ crowd in this article. Y’all do a great job of this in your magazine in general. Thankyouthankyouthankyou <3

    • allydoubleyou February 6th, 2012 3:49 PM

      (Although I have to say that in my experience it’s not always the best idea to “go for it” with someone who says she’s curious–it may be fun but it also comes with heartbreak when you’re totally into a person of the same sex and she experiments with you because she’s curious…and then decides she’s really not into women. Maybe that should be categorized as “for the brave” as well.)

    • fullmetalguitar February 6th, 2012 6:10 PM

      My number one piece of advice as a girl who has flirted with girls: play with her hair when you talk to her.

      • Ellie February 11th, 2012 1:22 AM

        If a guy were to start playing with my hair, I might absolutely die of adoration.
        Playing with hair is probably always a good idea.

  • Afonso February 6th, 2012 3:46 PM

    I’m a boy, and I totally think #13 rocks.

    • Emilie February 6th, 2012 6:04 PM

      hahaha! would you actually kiss a girl right then and there if that happened? If so, you are kind of awesome

  • indigosunday February 6th, 2012 3:53 PM

    the last boy I liked, I talked to him a lot, and made him laugh in art class. then he told me he liked this girl, who every boy liked. i wasn’t crushed. then on my last day of school(before moving away) i sent him a long text about how i liked him, understood that we could just be friends(especially since he liked someone else) and that i just felt like i should tell him. a week later, i was chatting with him on facebook and i asked him if he had gotten the text. he said no. i was a little sad but felt relieved as well because i was able to express my feelings but there was no feelings of embrassment. i havent talked to him since

  • Cruicked February 6th, 2012 3:54 PM

    Before I even read this feature, I have to say I am so excited to read the one that’s available at 11pm (4am my time) because I think stopitsgingertime is amazing!

  • RockHatesMiriam February 6th, 2012 4:20 PM

    Wow, this feature is so honest and funny! You should do a ‘How to turn someone down without them throwing up on your shoes’, because I’m kinda having that problem right now, fab article though!

    http://www.pompandceremonly.blogspot.com

    • fullmetalguitar February 6th, 2012 6:06 PM

      On the rejection topic… When my current boyfriend first confessed to me, I was so totally shocked and disbelieving (he had very interesting timing aka I had just stopped a fling with his old roommate earlier that day) that I hid my face in a pillow and just laughed and laughed and then finally asked for time to think about it. I’m pretty sure he was mildly traumatized O___O So don’t do it that way!

      PS He got over the trauma when I asked him to kiss me the next day.

  • giov February 6th, 2012 4:44 PM

    When I was 4 I had a sleep over at my pre-school sweetheart’s house and guess what? I threw up his mom’s homemade pizza. Ten years later I started dating and guess what? I sort of developed frickin nervous bulimia and lost 10 kilos in a month.

    I always thought it had something to do with me being a cancer. Astrology tells me our weakness is the digestive system and that we are basically trainwrecks. Go us!

    • Emilie February 6th, 2012 6:07 PM

      omigosh that’s horrible! And a way creepy coincedence ’cause I’m a cancer and I get freaking stomachaches when Im flirting with a guy!

  • fizzingwhizbees February 6th, 2012 4:51 PM

    Anaheed is MARRIED to IRA GLASS?!?! Be still my heart.
    Also, this is one of the most inclusive things I’ve read on this subject and I really appreciate it!

    • CariStereo February 7th, 2012 12:05 AM

      I just mentally hi-fived Anaheed.

    • MissKnowItAll February 7th, 2012 5:10 PM

      Rookie just got so much cooler!

  • Alexis February 6th, 2012 4:59 PM

    1) this is the most accurate article ever
    2) after reading this i realize i am really good at flirting AND IT IS VERY EXCITING
    3) OMG I’M SO HAPPY SOMEONE ELSE AGREES WITH ME ABOUT THE MAGIC THAT IS SEXUAL TENSION

    • Arabelle February 6th, 2012 5:43 PM

      If I were a demon I would be one that feeds on sexual tension THAT IS HOW MUCH I LOVE IT

      • Alexis February 8th, 2012 10:09 PM

        SOMETIMES WHEN I HARNESS ITS POWER I FEEL LIKE A *GODDESS*

  • MissKnowItAll February 6th, 2012 5:24 PM

    Ha I totally needed this.I currently have a crush in this guy I can barely even talk to. i’m all good with his friends but when ever he shows up I freeze and then have a total spaz moment. But I’ve realized that the best way to talk to him is to say something totally random and then just play off of that.

  • puffytoad February 6th, 2012 5:35 PM

    I think the main point is that it’s not about “getting someone to like you” through sorcery or some other trickery. It’s just finding out if they like the real you, and if they don’t, that’s okay too.

  • fullmetalguitar February 6th, 2012 6:09 PM

    I definitely agree with 12! There are all sorts of people (most of them very cute and clever) who enjoy flirty conversations without them leading into anything (though they don’t often argue if it gets a bit steamy). I think it’s because, as cute and clever individuals, they’re used to getting attention that reminds them how cute they are. Whatever the reasoning behind it, it means they are prime practice targets before you approach the really important one!

  • aerogirl February 6th, 2012 6:34 PM

    Awesome adivise ! [: Thank you so much ill be using this soon ! :D

  • Emmy February 6th, 2012 6:52 PM

    I cracked up when I saw “‘Anonymous’ (IT’S TAVI SHE’S JUST SHY EVERYONE MAKE FUN OF HER).” Anyway, I just wanted to say that I definitely agree with this, especially #1 and #10.

    http://www.chanelandsaddleshoes.tumblr.com

    • MissKnowItAll February 6th, 2012 7:25 PM

      It’s okay Tavi, we wont make fun of you!!

      • Tavi February 6th, 2012 9:37 PM

        awwwww thanks guys *sniffle*

  • Bean February 6th, 2012 7:12 PM

    Since my favoritest boy (my boyfriend) I’ve had to figure out how to date twice I had to methods:
    1. I thought he liked me so I asked (what else do you expect out of an eight grader?) and he responded awkwardly and I just calmly told him to answer, I wouldn’t get offended if he didn’t. And he did so I told him I liked him too and then we were super awesome and dated.
    2. The second time however, he gave no signs of liking me but I had been crushing on him since I broke up with him so I decided, in my true form, to make a mix tape that said quite obviously that I liked him. I tried to be subtle but subtlety was never my thing. And then he thought about it and about my cd and realized he still thought I was awesome and so he made me a cd to let me know the same thing (copy cat, but whatever [= ). We’ve been together since (just over four years now) and still have those cd’s somewhere special, because again, we’re super awesome.

    I think the cd idea is classic and everyone should do it. But you might want to be somewhat obvious because a subtle one could backfire really easily and they could respond with something like “Yeah, that was a cool cd, thanks for making it for me. I think I’m gonna check out some of those bands.” Not what you really wanted the result to be..

  • marit February 6th, 2012 7:13 PM

    this is easily the best flirting advice i’ve ever read. also, it made me smile. and it will definitely prove very useful!:)

    faux style.

  • heyguys February 6th, 2012 7:59 PM

    Suck on a juice box right before! 1) Calms nerves. Some sort of weird brain chemistry thing. 2) No chance of anything gross stuck in your teeth. 3) It gives you something to fidget with when the nerves crush you.
    Also, if you plan, have an easy & unforced escape route. (If you’re at school, asking the crushee out between classes is a good one)

  • ellieball February 6th, 2012 9:05 PM

    I know this probably sounds dumb, but do y’all have any advice about approaching an interweb crush (on the interweb of course)?

    • Pashupati February 7th, 2012 1:09 PM

      I don’t have any “real” advice about approaching them on the Interweb, ir depends if it’s someone you know IRL or no.
      If no, and you can’t meet at an IRL meetup relating to one of your interest or one forum or whatever you are registered in, I’d ask the person to do some project with me: make a small website/blog about a subject you’re both interested in, program something, make a tract for something, etc.
      If it’s someone you know IRL or not, and they’re on a social network or forum or whatever, I’d say you could send them music files from a band you both like or think they’ll like, or start talking about a movie they may like/you both like, or an event in their city. Or discuss one’s opinion(s). Then, if it’s someone you know IRL, and you’re on a social network, you can just follow the advices in the articles about private jokes and questions and just react to what they’re posting maybe…
      If they’re in an association you are interested in, you could friend them saying you are also in that chapter of this association, or you’re interested and saw their opinion on the association’s site… Something like that.
      At least it gives a reason to talk… then you need the guts to start talking.

  • yourenotfunny February 6th, 2012 9:16 PM

    great article, I think my only problem with talking to boys is that I get really embarrassed really easily and blush like horrible (and not in a cute, ladylike way more in an uncomfortable sweaty way). oh well practice makes perfect!

    • Amy Rose February 6th, 2012 9:36 PM

      I bet your blushing is way cuter than you think. You can do it!

  • spatergator February 6th, 2012 9:37 PM

    This article couldn’t arrive at a better time, thanks.
    As great as it is to work on the whole consummation thing, El Arfin said something once about relishing the agony of being crushed out, “sometimes that’s the best part.” Good thing to remember when you’ve obliterated your sleeping schedule making six different potential mixtapes for them and are going “I DON’T REMEMBER HOW TO BE COOL ABOUT THIS WHAT IS THE POINT.”

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-gFSAyzx4Oc

    • Tavi February 6th, 2012 10:10 PM

      it is really true. when everything becomes real it starts to be scary or suck or people suck etc. that is the magic of jordan catalano, of the virgin suicides, etc.

      • lilyrose February 6th, 2012 11:11 PM

        Ohmygoodness Jordan Catalano is the perfect specimen.

      • spatergator February 7th, 2012 12:21 AM

        Yeah. Unfortunately life imitates art in that respect. But we can retain some healthiness about it, keeping in mind the nature of persistent change, and making new worlds out of all the details. It takes something out of you to get wound up in that magic. I find the boldness in that vulnerability empowering, or fun at least.

        Also I’m sure that jaded lover thing is just another of your flirty wiles, Tavi.

      • Tavi February 7th, 2012 12:43 AM

        wait ew since when do i have FLIRTY WILES

        WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN

        but yeah totally. it is mostly just kind of sweet and funny and thinking of it as a catalano thing makes it easier to not get too invested in. and then if you do find yourself getting invested, and it doesn’t work out, you can be like, “oh well! i had a catalano. better now than when i am a grown person!” etc.

      • spatergator February 7th, 2012 2:06 AM

        Sorry I meant flarty whales.

      • Tavi February 7th, 2012 5:04 PM

        BAND NAME, FLARTY WHALES

  • glitter and gold February 6th, 2012 9:51 PM

    this is beyond awesome. when it comes to me, i think it’s easiest to just establish a routine with whoever you like. when i like a guy, i consistently ask him- as in like every hour of every day of every week- what our science/english/math homework is until we actually, you know, have a real conversation.

  • janeeyre February 6th, 2012 10:02 PM

    i don’t mean to boast but i’m like THE MASTER OF THE SENSUAL GAZE. like zoolander, only hotter.

    and it’s ok (and really hot) if you tease a little to then show total weakness and just look at the other person (do use the sensual gaze) and say “please, take me somewhere more private”, so that’s somewhere between the game playing and the going honest thing.

  • Megan February 6th, 2012 10:29 PM

    IT MAKES SENSE!!!!!! WOW!!! and i love that you always include advice for LGBTQ people, too! its nice to be included and it really works:)

  • Miarele February 6th, 2012 10:31 PM

    This article made flirting sounds not awkward and actually… fun. Haha, will definitely try them out! but in the case of #12, how do you avoid leading someone on?

    PS. #13 is amazing, Maura seems really precious and ~fierce~! :)

  • Tavi February 6th, 2012 11:23 PM

    i feel like i should add that for a period of time it was a joke at my lunch table to imagine me trying to flirt/like a human being

  • LullabiesInTheSky February 6th, 2012 11:25 PM

    This is sooo helpful. For the past two weeks I’ve been trying to think of how to tell my crush that i like him. Tomorrow I’m going to do what Anaheed did, mostly because that gives me a chance to run away before i can do something embarrassing!Wish me Luck!

    • Anaheed February 6th, 2012 11:27 PM

      LUCK!!!!!!!!! Let us know what happens!

      • LullabiesInTheSky February 7th, 2012 7:56 PM

        I told him! I tried to tell him at lunch (but i wimped out) then before our last class i tried to (but wimped out again)! Finally at the end of the day as we were walking out to the buses I stopped him before he got on his bus and said “Listen, i really hope this doesn’t ruin our friendship, but i kinda sorta really like you….a lot.” He smiled at me and before he could say anything i said “I’ll see you tomorrow!” and ran away! I hope that smile meant yes, but i guess ill have to wait until tomorrow! Thank you so much for posting this!!!

        • Anaheed February 7th, 2012 8:04 PM

          Aaaaaaah so exciting!!!!!

    • Amy Rose February 7th, 2012 10:03 PM

      YESSSSS! This is a huge victory for you, no matter what he says tomorrow!!!

    • Breeanna February 15th, 2012 7:27 PM

      Bahahahahaha dude you did it!!!! I’m so proud that you actually took initiative and told him. It’s not enough to say how happy I am for you in person, your my best friend and I need you to know how EXSTATIC I am that you and Shawn (Sean? SHAUN?)…whatever…you get the point :)
      Much love (in the friend sort of way)(if you know what I mean :D),
      Breeanna

  • wilde-steinbeck February 6th, 2012 11:44 PM

    This article is nice, but here’s the thing: my crush and I have this REALLY WEIRD relationship. As in, it’s impossible to have a normal conversation with him.

    He’s sort of seems…distant? which is weird because he’s this outgoing (non-annoying) class-clown type of guy… like I’m really quit and shy and probably come off to my non-friend classmates as a repine, precocious adolescent.

    I think he might like me though, because I looovvveee John Steinbeck(I always talk about him) and my crush randomly started reading him.

    There’s honestly no one else in my grade who could’ve possibly influenced him to read that, considering I’m probably the only one of my classmates who hasn’t read the entire Percy Jackson, Twilight, Harry Potter, Warriors, or Uglies series…

    Yeah. And we kind of do this thing in class (we sit next to each other) where we’ll put our elbows on our desks and they’ll touch each other and we play footsie, etc.

    I don’t know! I talk to other guys…

    • Pashupati February 7th, 2012 1:30 PM

      Have you asked him what he thought of Steinbeck yet? I “Internet-know” someone who used reading as a method to start conversation, I mean she told a guy if they wanted to read some book with them like in a reading club, and then meet to talk about the book. Apparently, no need to even say something smart about the book, and if you invited them at your house you can start a conversation or something else… or at the pizzaria, too… or anywhere. Though, it might be a bit nerdy? Good luck and all!

  • Kevin February 6th, 2012 11:56 PM

    Imagining Ira when he was “little” makes me so happy I can’t get to sleep! And I have to be up early tomorrow!!!

  • February 7th, 2012 12:32 AM

    “sensual gazes” :-)) I remember there was a girl I liked in some class, and every now and then I’d kind of look at her…and she would look back at me…then I’d try and look at her for a bit longer…2 seconds -> 5 seconds -> 10 seconds…in the end it kind of became like a competition??? I’m not sure what was going on, but it was kind of good, and terrifying! :-)

  • insteadofanelephant February 7th, 2012 12:59 AM

    this is just what i needed.

    XX
    instead of an elephant

  • Casey February 7th, 2012 1:04 AM

    -Guilty as charged- Thank you so much for answering a question I had emailed! This has boosted up my confidence in approaching cute people, and I hope I can apply it soon (I’m always the super shy one secretly pining away for that person..)!

    I also cracked up at the “Anonymous/Tavi” parenthetical! Don’t worry, my flirting techniques is probably something along the lines of: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oRf1_67acDc

    • Amy Rose February 7th, 2012 3:12 AM

      oh my god i laughed so so so hard at this

  • Ayla February 7th, 2012 6:19 AM

    There was once a guy that I wanted to “hang out with” and I decided to do the straight forward thing and contact him about it. I laid it all on the table, gave him optional days and then waited.
    Either he was a real asshole or my SUPER CONFIDENT CONFIDENCE scared his misogynist pants off because he decided to make me wait for two days and explicitly mentioned that he wasn’t all that eager.

    So I told him that something came up and the hanging out with him was least important on my schedule (word for word) so, we’d have to do it another time.

    LO AND BEHOLD, within the hour he decided that he’d be available ANY TIME and that declared he’s just waiting for me to make a move.

    For the girls that don’t want to play games, nothing wrong with that, but he just be aware that some dudes are used to feeling important and being desired and therefor think that they can play games with you.

  • KayKay February 7th, 2012 11:59 AM

    I have a crush. On my friend. Who’s a girl. And is straight. And has a boyfriend. FML

  • karastarr32 February 7th, 2012 12:25 PM

    Way better than anything you’ll ever read in Seventeen. Not that I’m cancelling my subscription just yet. If I had a subscription, which I like, don’t ya know? +Awkwardly runs off+

  • Filia-Zissy February 7th, 2012 12:44 PM

    Advice #13 is so great. It certainly draws attention on you.
    All tips are great and like always on a higher level than silly teen magazines. Thanks for that.

    http://ordinarypeopleadorable.blogspot.com/

  • Pashupati February 7th, 2012 1:22 PM

    Advice 5 makes me think about the movie Home Alone, and the neighbor who is scared of trying to reunite with his son!
    Well, this article is sure giving me confidence. Especially 5. Now I’ve a related problem on my hands, but it’s about being genderfluid (or really confused? but mostly neutral/man and having dysphoria about my chest) and currently being man and not out, and starting to present as more masculine and wearing a binder and… and I don’t know if I should out myself to the person I’ve a crush on before telling them I like them, plus it’s not even someone I see every month, and I was always too coward to find a reason to see/talk to him. What if the person don’t want to hear about me again, or don’t take my gender identity seriously because I’m too girly to be genderqueer or? I think the person is open about these subjects, but maybe I’m not the archetype in their head and they won’t believe.
    I think I’m definitely asking the person to hang out just so I can at least be sure I’ve a crush and it’s not just I find them cute, but anybody has been in a similar situation?
    Ah ah, thanks in advance if someone is/was in a similar situation. WEIRD. (also, that person, I’ve seen them first in August 2010 and then every few months! It’s time to do something, I guess?)

  • nickz February 7th, 2012 1:48 PM

    Loved this article.Its a lot more accurate than most articles I ve read on this theme and it covers more situations. I liked how you talked about how to flirt with someone you see in public transport or just passing by.That s where I get most of my crushes(read all of them, lately :)) but most of the time I have no idea what to do cause you cant just start talking to them since you dont know them.But I will try the eye contact move for more than 1 second lol I ll start at 2.5 seconds ;).Anyways keep up the good work.

  • TNGIF February 7th, 2012 3:25 PM

    I love how Rookie is always so ” You want it ? Go get it ! We’re raising women here , not pussies ” :D

  • isabellehungryghost February 7th, 2012 3:54 PM

    i think, all girls are a little bit shy, when it comes to chrushes. But I think I will keep the touching method in mind. this is a quite good way!

    http://blogbyisabelle.blogspot.com/

  • MissKnowItAll February 7th, 2012 5:38 PM

    A classic sample of one of my conversations with my crush.
    Me- Oh, hey!
    Him- yeah, hi.
    Me-soo….
    Him- Did you do the math homework?
    Me-Umm (we had math homework?).

  • nattwenty February 7th, 2012 5:57 PM

    How do I talk to a boy whom I only see in the hallways? He’s in my grade and I’ve been pining for his luscious locks and corduroy pants for months. How is it possible to have a conversation with someone you have dreams of holding hands and kissing in the boiler room (SHOUTOUT TO ANGELA CHASE) ??? Should i just wait until an all-grade house party and start a conversation while we’re both mildly tipsy? I’m pretty shy.

    • MissKnowItAll February 7th, 2012 6:13 PM

      I have a similar problem. The best way to talk to him is to sort of forget you’r in love with him and just regard him as another friend. It makes it a lot easier to talk to him and after you’re done talking, you can fantasize about making out in the boiler room. Tell me how it works out:)

    • Nikilodeon February 19th, 2012 7:45 AM

      As you bump into him in the hallway, tell him you like his corduroy pants! And try to remember what time you see each other so you can pop into the bathroom and make sure you look fabulous before you do. ;)

  • ShakespeareRules February 7th, 2012 6:03 PM

    Loved the article. Not only did I laugh – a lot, I must have thought ‘I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOU MEAN!’ about 10 times x

  • loonylizzy February 7th, 2012 8:43 PM

    seeee, my problem is that i don’t like anyone currently, but really i have no chance to like anyone because whenever i meet somebody who’s even remotely likeable, i clam up and freak out and typically end up running away midsentence (i’m not even kidding, either, the last conversation i had with a guy was at a swim meet and i bolted at top speed the moment he asked me which event i had just swam). my friends have tried to cure my run-for-your-life-syndrome, but to no avail. helllppp! haha

    http://the-chronicles-of-that-girl.blogspot.com/

  • Katherine February 7th, 2012 9:15 PM

    I really appreciate #5…my crush said he had plans to go to the school dance, and did I think anyone would want to go with him. So I told him (and this was really hard, because I’ve been crushing on him for almost two years) I thought I might just take him up on that, and then he got all awkward and said he didn’t really mean it, etc. Ugh…

  • MissKnowItAll February 8th, 2012 6:12 PM

    I used #6 today and it turned out pretty good.

    • Anaheed February 9th, 2012 3:23 AM

      Woo! Go you!

      • MissKnowItAll February 9th, 2012 4:51 PM

        At first it was sort of awkward because we were just standing when this complete douche-bag walked by and said something rude to an under class men. After he left I said something like” what an idiot. He thinks that just because he has a penis he can act all horny” and to my suprise, he actually joined in on the conversation. I even got his number!!!!! THANK YOU SO MUCH ROOKIE!!!!

  • prettyontheinside February 9th, 2012 2:53 AM

    I can always tell when Tavi is writing just by checking if there’s any 30 Rock references thrown somewhere in there.

    • Tavi February 9th, 2012 3:03 AM

      i shall accept this as a compliment. thank you.

  • Ellie February 11th, 2012 1:38 AM

    I love this. *hugs article*
    My friend just told me he likes me last Sunday, and yada, yada, I like him back, WHATEVER, OKAY THIS IS EMBARRASSING TO TALK ABOUT IN THAT PEER PRESSURE SLUMBER PARTY SENSE YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN, and I realized I do a LOT of these things already. Super bubbly, question-asker, smiley, yeesh.
    ANYWAY, thank you, Rookie, for another fabulous post!

  • Nikilodeon February 19th, 2012 7:44 AM

    “drop something like a cherry out of your cocktail” HAHAHA I love it. Advice from younger kids is really the best advice. I am SO doing this.

  • illonablyton March 24th, 2012 8:23 AM

    Need to do this and woo the guy in my Accounting class. Oh yeah, hot guy here I come!

  • Alexainez May 11th, 2012 8:22 PM

    This article is so good and true! A situation happened with me once where I might have gotten a little bit drunk at a party and told the boy I liked that I liked him- which happened to be really emotional on my part- and it didn’t help that I told him after he had made out with a girl who REALLY liked Ted Hughes.
    Anways we haven’t spoken since and I kind of freaked him out. I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE CHARMING.
    Anyway it apparently wasn’t, and it was a very awkward rest of the evening.
    We haven’t spoken since which is guess is kind of good because he wasn’t really a nice person anyway

    BUT WE WENT TO JANE BIRKIN TOGETHER AND BOTH LIKED FRENCH AND FREAKS AND GEEKS.
    AND HE HAD FLICKY HAIR
    Oh well I guess it just wasn’t meant to be *tear*