Crush Boy disappointed me again over the weekend. Some of my friends from Seattle were in town to play a show (with Crush Boy’s band, incidentally). I invited CB to a little afterparty at my apartment, and he said he would come, and I was really excited to spend time with him around people I’ve known for years. The party was shaping up to be just what I wanted/needed: a return to the familiar, playing music and taking pictures and stuff with this group of dudes I’ve known since my teenage years. I couldn’t wait to hold out my hand and show the boy, like, “This is what I’m used to. Please understand my life now.”

But guess what? He didn’t show. I was drunkenly upset about it, so naturally I was super bratty to him in texts. Definitely included a “so just, fuck you, OK?” in one of them. Whoops! Bad! Didn’t mean it!

Fortunately, when I apologized the next morning, he laughed it off, and we made plans to hang out after my friends left town. That was just the other night, and this time, he didn’t flake. It was my favorite night I have had with him, ever. We just chilled out and worked on stuff; I drew in my sketchbook and he tried to pin down the chorus for a song he was writing. There was a lot less tension and nervousness between us, because I wasn’t trying so hard to show him what I’m “really like.” And, to be completely honest, it may have been the first night we’ve spent together where we didn’t get stoned! So, you know, I could actually speak English coherently. He asked me to tell him stories. I told him some about my hometown, Seattle, and some recent ones too. It was really real and it felt good.

But THEN: Valentine’s Day rolls around. I strongly prefer to celebrate February 15: National Half-Price Candy Day. So I didn’t really need much from him on the official holiday. Plus, after some incidents of flaking out on his part, I figured it would be safer not to expect too much. But he sent me a sweet text, which maybe surprised me more than it should have.

Last night, his band was playing at a dive bar across the street from my apartment. I got drunk with some friends and went to the show, and it was so much fun. At one point I was sitting at the bar with a friend, and CB came up with a buddy of his and introduced us. A few minutes later, I overheard CB whisper to his pal, “I didn’t expect to be in this sort of situation right now.” I can’t help wondering if that had something to do with me—when you tour half the year, as CB’s band does, you don’t really plan on having a steady girlfriend. Maybe I’m an unexpected situation for him. A good one. As they walked away, I could see them both looking back at me.

After the show we partied at my place, and I overheard CB asking his friend what he thought of me. In our place/age/social scene, where no one dates but everyone hooks up, I took this as a good sign. He wouldn’t really care what his buds thought of a girl he was just sleeping with, right? So maybe this is something bigger than that.

Happy Half-Price Candy Day. ♦