Sex + Love

A Real Good Time

Why you should never, ever, ever (EVER) fake an orgasm.

Illustration by Cynthia

Hey, guys. NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER FAKE AN ORGASM. EVER.

Can I put a few more evers in there for good measure? As you can probably tell, I feel rather strongly about this.

Depending on where you’re at in the wonderfully exciting sexual journey of your life, you may be thinking, Hey, what are you talking about, lady? I don’t plan on faking an orgasm ever. However—trust me—at some point, you will be tempted to do so. I’m happy to say I have never faked an orgasm in my life (and I’ve had a whole lotta life), but there have been moments when I’ve seriously considered it—for the reasons below.

(By the way, I apologize in advance for being REALLY heteronormative in this post, but it’s on purpose, simply because you’re less likely to get away with faking an orgasm if you’re girl-on-girl [girls are generally better at picking up on it], and you’re less likely to want/need to. ☺)

Here’s why you will feel the need to fake an orgasm:

1. You will feel under pressure to. For any of the ensuing reasons, and more. Pressure is the last thing you should be feeling during sex, and it’s also the last thing you should be giving in to during sex.

2. You will be exhorted to. There will be moments when your partner—whether because he is rapidly nearing the point of no return on his own orgasm, really wants you to come, or has been watching a ton of porn and is recycling the dialogue (or some combination of all three), will say something along the lines of, “Come for me, baby!”

3. You will feel guilty. “He’s spent AGES down there! His tongue’s going to drop off!”

4. He will make you feel guilty (not necessarily intentionally). “But my last girlfriend had six orgasms in a row when I did that!” (You may not be the only one faking it.)

5. You will want to make your partner happy. “I’m not that bothered, he’ll be thrilled, it’s not such a big deal.”

6. You know you’re not going to have one. There comes a point when you know it’s just not going to happen no matter what he does, because the moment has passed. (That happens a great deal more easily with us than with men.) But he’s still going, DETERMINED to “make it happen.”

7. Enough already. The moment has passed big time. To the extent that (yes, this is possible) it’s getting boring. You actually really would quite like to roll over and go to sleep now. BUT….he’s still going.

8. You’ve never had one. You don’t know what a real orgasm feels like, so you might as well fake it. In which case you really need to know what a real orgasm feels like. Get exploring, play around with yourself, plus nip into a drugstore or a feminist sex-toy store and buy yourself a vibrator. Orgasms are the best thing ever. Free in-home entertainment! And anywhere-else-you-can-get-away-with-it entertainment, for that matter.

Here’s why you should never, ever, ever—etc. etc. etc.—ever fake an orgasm:

1. You are cheating yourself of real orgasms. Once you have a fallback position that stops you from exploring ways to have a lot of fun together where you both/all get to come, you’re going to use it. Every fake orgasm = one less genuine orgasm.

2. You are letting down other girl-women. You are condemning every woman he goes on to sleep with for the rest of his life to be a victim, in her turn, of “But my last girlfriend had six orgasms in a row when I did that!” syndrome. Don’t do that to us. Teach him what really works.

3. It’s not fair to him. He really does want to know how to make you come, for real. Guys do. Help him—by telling him what you’d like him to do, what you don’t like him doing, where he should be doing that thing you really like him doing, and how gently or not, and how fast or slow. Don’t you want to know what really works? Wouldn’t you resent someone’s lying to you about it? Same goes for him.

4. It’s not fair to you. Faking anything in life isn’t a good idea. It’s not who you are! Be who you are, be real, and get the real orgasms you deserve.

I’m telling you all this because one of my beliefs in life is, always start as you mean to go on. Embarking on your sexual life can be fraught with doubts and worries, for all of us. But the one thing that I KNOW you will never regret is insisting on your own pleasure, because otherwise you are setting yourself up for a shitty bunch of years before you come to your senses and go “WHAT WAS I THINKING?!” But: you are young! You have the amazing chance to get it right, right from the very start. Both you and the sex partners who are thrilled and delighted to see you having an absolute whale of a time will be very glad you did. ♦

52 Comments

  • Susann February 9th, 2012 3:08 PM

    I’m glad someone finally wrote this for all girls out there!

    http://fashioninpepperland.blogspot.com

  • isabellehungryghost February 9th, 2012 3:11 PM

    this is a very tricky topic, but i think you listed some quite good reasons to never fake one. i think its not fair. for him, or for her, and for yourself.

    http://blogbyisabelle.blogspot.com/

  • Nishat February 9th, 2012 3:28 PM

    I love this! All of it is so true and I’m pleased to say I’ve never faked one either. Not to be totally crude, but, the real thing is not worth jeopardizing for a fake one just because the moment’s passed. If you’re having sex with somebody then you can at least just be like “uhh, it’s not going to happen right now.”

  • Hannnah February 9th, 2012 3:31 PM

    My girlfriend says “come for me, baby” quite a lot. (It’s sometimes hot but yes, sometimes a bit pressure-y). Now helpfully explained by the fact that she watches a lot more straight porn than I do.
    Also – gay, straight, happy, sad etc etc – as shown by the illustration, it’s way (too) easy to fake an orgasm over the phone :/

  • Mags February 9th, 2012 3:38 PM

    I’ve always faked it. I’m incapable of having one with a guy, and I’ve tried it all. I can give myself amazing ones though!

    I should add that, despite never having had an orgasm during sex, I still enjoy sex. Is that weird?

    • kittehpants February 9th, 2012 4:05 PM

      I don’t think it’s all that weird, Mags, even though I’ve faked an orgasm only once in my life and I’m very comfortable telling my partner that it’s just not happenin’. A faked orgasm is just a lie–and people lie all the time. Think about all the times you’ve ever lied in your life. Very often we lie to save others from feeling hurt or sad. Every woman is different, and everyone has different orgasms, under different circumstances. The orgasms I have by myself are very different from the ones I have with men, and I’ve lived/loved long enough to know that it has nothing to do with their technique, and everything to do with my own anatomy. To assume that men should be able to give you orgasms is just plain silly, and kind of mean in that it presumes they are able but lazy. I wouldn’t be surprised if, for some women, it’s just not possible, no matter how caring he is. So for you, then, sex may be an enjoyable form of pageantry. So much in our lives is pageantry, when you think about it–how we try to make other people feel about us in the way we dress, the way we act, our performance at our workplaces, etc. Few people would admit that they’d be kind of different if a whole lot of people weren’t watching–but they definitely, definitely would. Am I condoning serial lying? Nope; I just don’t think that “never never don’t you ever fake it” rule is kind of simplistic, and life is more complicated than we like to admit.

      • gato February 9th, 2012 4:30 PM

        hi kittehpants! i find your reply a bit baffling and very defeatist. first of all, it does have a lot to do with their tecnique! not because there is ONE perfect method, but because we all like different things you should find a partner with which you resonate. also, you and your partner should be open to learning from each other, because that’s also part of the fun of sex.
        and how could you condone faking an orgasm? seriously, if you have a good relationship, based on love and trust, you should be able to talk to your partner and just be honest and be like “today it’s not happening”. and so what? if he/she can’t accept that then that shows plenty of egoism on their side.
        honestly i think this is a great article and i agree with it completely. dont close yourself to the words of more experienced sex adventurers ; – )

      • unefillecommetoi February 9th, 2012 11:42 PM

        the same thing that happens to Mags happens to me, only a bit different. I can give myself orgasms but i’m not really sure if i’ve ever had one with a guy. that doesn’t mean i see sex as pageantry. yes, i have faked an orgasm in my life but it was more because i didn’t really know how to make sex more pleasurable for myself. sex is a learning process. i just find your post is kind of judgemental. there’s nothing wrong with girls that have just started having sex not being so good on their way to orgasms with guys (which by the way, i think is a shared responsibility for both partners). we just have to be more communicative and truthful about our needs and learn what we like.

    • Jamie February 9th, 2012 6:57 PM

      not abnormal at all do not have orgasms from vaginal sex. try playing with your clit or having your partner play with your clit while you have sex. lots of women don’t orgasm vaginally and that’s NORMAL, just like it can be normal to orgasm vaginally too.

      everyone is different

  • whisperingtheword February 9th, 2012 4:21 PM

    @mags it isn’t weird at all! a climax is great but it isn’t necessary to have awesome sex. As a teen I did fake orgasms sometimes until I learned to cum during partner sex, and that was exactly why. I had had orgasms on my own and I was really enjoying the sex without the orgasm and wanted them to know that without being like srsly ur never gonna make me cum. Don’t put too much emphasis on the orgasm, as long as you’re satisfied your partner should be happy.

    Also mags, if you have have one on your own you can have one by yourself you can have one with a partner, I was in the same boat! Masturbate for him, cum for him, show him what works. Masturbate during sex and help the process along!

    • fullmetalguitar February 9th, 2012 9:15 PM

      I agree with the first part of what you said! I only fake an orgasm when I’m otherwise super enjoying it – I just know I’m not going to get quite there. I want to make sure that he knows he’s doing EVERYTHING right, and should do it just like that other times too (my boyfriend is great about always stimulating my clit during sex, even if it leads to awkward positions for him). When I’m genuinely not feeling it, I’ll tell him that honestly: “Hey babe, don’t worry about me, let’s just make this all about you,” so I’m never lying about whether or not something is good for me. (Which I do think would be a bad thing to do)

      Also if anyone else is having problems coming with a partner, then maybe try having him go down on you first to get you really worked up? And then when you’re really feeling it switch to full on sex while he’s stimulating your clit. Yay good sex!

  • MissKnowItAll February 9th, 2012 4:21 PM

    How exactly do you fake an orgasm? Sorry, i just had to ask.

    • sea_animal February 9th, 2012 4:47 PM

      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F-bsf2x-aeE

      (:

    • Jamie February 9th, 2012 6:58 PM

      you can’t really fake the physical components of an orgasm but you can just like moan and yell and say “ooh baby i’m coming” and all that stuff to make your partner think you had one.

      • whisperingtheword February 10th, 2012 4:43 PM

        I mean, yes you can fake the physical components of an orgasm fairly easily if you’ve been sexually active for a long time and have a lot of control over your body. But don’t do it!

  • RockHatesMiriam February 9th, 2012 4:52 PM

    I’ve never thought faking it was a good idea, but this has just clarified in my mind why you shouldn’t do it! VAGINAS UNITE!! (hey, can that be our new catchphrase?)

    http://www.pompandceremony.blogspot.com

  • Madeline February 9th, 2012 4:59 PM

    Some women who fake orgasms have been found to achieve higher sexual satisfaction from it and therefore do it for their own pleasure, not everyone does it out of pressure or the prop up the vanity of their partners. I have never overtly had to fake one, before I could actually climax during sex my partners assumed I did because I was quite vocal. When I found this out I felt guilty because of all the above mentioned reasons, but I wasn’t pretending to feel pleasure, there was just a real difference between that and reaching orgasm. Even when I found out I didn’t tell them, so was that a deception? I don’t know, I think the idea is a little simplistic.

  • nutellacube February 9th, 2012 5:00 PM

    good read.

  • mire February 9th, 2012 5:07 PM

    I want to high five Rookie for talking so much sense.

  • sparklenight February 9th, 2012 5:10 PM

    For what it’s worth, I think it’s okay to never have an orgasm as well. Some people can’t, some people don’t feel the need or particularly want to, and all that’s okay too. You can live a perfectly good life without ever having an orgasm.

  • jessejames February 9th, 2012 6:02 PM

    I’ve never had an orgasm (I don’t think) and to be fair I’ve only ever slept with the same person. But after sex my boyfriend always asks if I have had an orgasm and I never know what to say because I honestly don’t really know what one feels like or if I’ve had one. When he asks that I just feel so much pressure and I don’t want to hurt his feelings, what do I say?

    • Anaheed February 9th, 2012 6:08 PM

      Can you tell him the truth — that you’re not sure? Also: USUALLY when someone doesn’t know if they’ve had an orgasm, it means they haven’t. NOT ALWAYS, but most of the time.

      Also: if you WANT to have orgasms, I would suggest you masturbate in a lot of different ways with alarming frequency for a while, until you figure out what works for you. But maybe you’re already doing that.

      Also also: like others have pointed out, you don’t NEED To have orgasms to have a happy sex life. But it doesn’t hurt.

    • Jamie February 9th, 2012 7:01 PM

      A great thing to say is that you really enjoyed everything and it felt good even though you didn’t orgasm. because i’m assuming that isn’t a lie.

  • zoey. February 9th, 2012 6:39 PM

    I’ve only had one orgasm ever while actually having sex with a guy and I’ve been with 9 guys. I never told a guy that I orgasmed when I actually didn’t. If they asked if I did, I would bluntly say “No”. I always felt bad, because they would always feel so inadequate and confused and then try hard to “make it happen” and it never did. I don’t really blame them, I blame our culture for making guys think that vaginal penetration is enough to get all girls off and for not really teaching them how to work around the clitoris. Also, if WE ladies don’t actually know how to get ourselves off, how can we help teach them?

    Overall, I totally agree. Never fake it. It doesn’t help ANYONE.

    • Jamie February 9th, 2012 7:02 PM

      yeah. you can tell them that you didn’t orgasm but that you really enjoyed the sex anyway and that it felt good (if it did!)

  • Jamie February 9th, 2012 7:07 PM

    please nobody read this and think you should feel guilty or ashamed if you have faked an orgasm!

    i think the point of this article is that you should know that having orgasms takes work and that a lot of that work involves communication and practice. if you fake orgasms, you rob yourself of the chance to talk to your partner about this and practice.

    there is nothing morally wrong about faking an orgasm, in my opinion. sex is about experimenting and figuring out what makes you feel good and comfortable. sometimes in the beginning, we fake orgasms to make ourselves feel like we are “doing things right.” don’t feel bad if you do this, just know that you are just as entitled as your partner is to have your needs met.

    • Jamie February 9th, 2012 7:10 PM

      also, the heteronormative comment feels a little misguided.

      plenty of women who sleep with women don’t know what they are doing in the orgasm department, and plenty of queer ladies fake it. just because you have a vagina it does not mean you know what another person likes, and it does not mean that you are immune from any kind of social pressure to make your partner feel like they are doing a good job.

      • fullmetalguitar February 9th, 2012 9:18 PM

        Also as a girl I would have no clue if a girl really did orgasm or not o__o I feel like that just comes from experience being down in those bits.

      • whisperingtheword February 10th, 2012 5:19 PM

        Yeah, I didn’t really understand that. If you know you’re writing a heteronormative article why not just go ahead and make it not so? How hard would if have been to change a few pronouns to make everyone feel included whether or not the writer believes it isn’t information everyone needs?
        Also the explanation/apology for why this article is heteronormative makes no mention of people outside of the binary gender system (or cis gay boys) and the fact that we have orgasms too! Let’s be inclusive kids.

  • queserasera February 9th, 2012 8:10 PM

    great advance! but this strangely reminds me of when harry met sally…

    http://mercurialmanic.blogspot.com/

  • lizerrzz February 9th, 2012 8:11 PM

    OK, so what to do I do when I know I’m not going to come and I seriously just want to curl up with him and watch SVU reruns, but he is determined to make it happen. My boyfriend says he never wants me to fake an orgasm, but at the same time, if I feel like I’m done with sexy time but I haven’t come, he won’t want to be done. I really love him, but I feel like maybe he thinks he has to prove something since he’s never made me come.

    • fullmetalguitar February 9th, 2012 9:23 PM

      Ask him to start giving you oral! Seriously that’s my number one piece of advice for those who have never had an orgasm. Tongues are much gentler on your clit than fingers (who else hates friction? Me!) and fingering can be more tailored to your pleasure than his penis. If you get all showered up before hand and get all nice and clean there it should take care of any of your possible awkwardness about having someone’s mouth down there, just saying.

      Yay oral!

    • Johann7 February 13th, 2012 12:00 PM

      You need to have a non-sexy-time conversation about this (bringing this up during sexual activity just raises the stakes). Explain, as patiently as is necessary, that you very much enjoy sex (assuming that’s true) whether you orgasm or not. For a lot of men (and women, though fewer women), sex IS all about orgasm (in fact, one terribly sexist, heterosexist, and PIV-sex-centric definition of ‘the completion of the sex act’ refers to male ejaculation, even in contemporary medical texts), and unfortunately the push for female sexual pleasure is sometimes a little disconnected from female sexual agency: it’s framed as “make sure she has an orgasm too” instead of “make sure all partners are enjoying themselves”.

      Although the motivation isn’t necessarily malicious, what your boyfriend is doing here is making your orgasm about HIM instead of about YOU, and that’s not really okay. If you want to maybe figure out how to bring some orgasms for you into your shared sex life with your boyfriend, I recommend checking out Scarleteen.com, especially this article and the related articles listed at the bottom: http://www.scarleteen.com/article/sexuality/sexual_response_orgasm_a_users_guide

  • mtraptor February 9th, 2012 8:18 PM

    This is good-ass advice. I was in a relationship for over a year where I got in the habit of faking, and I’m not gonna do that to myself again. Cause once you start faking, you’re kind of stuck with it unless you want to admit that you had been faking, and that’s just awkward for everybody.

    Thanks for the article, I’m starting to see somebody new and I definitely needed the reminder!

  • tinygnome February 9th, 2012 10:31 PM

    i’m not saying that the being guilt-tripped into faking an orgasm is a strictly “straight-girls-only” thing. i think that the complaint was more addressing the heteronormative narrative in the story. i guess it’s just a little disappointing to read yet another his-and-hers sex ed article.

    annnnd also google chrome just tried to tell me that “heteronormative” is not a real word (shakes fist).

    • Anaheed February 9th, 2012 11:03 PM

      Hey, tinygnome. We are really careful not to be heteronormative in ANY of our posts on Rookie, which is why when Cindy wrote this one she was compelled to explain WHY this was an exception. And of course there are exceptions to the exception. I’m sure plenty of girls fake orgasms with other girls; all Cindy was saying was that it’s less common. And then using gendered pronouns in the rest of her piece out of convenience based on those broad generalizations. I think that’s fair, but I can totally understand a disagreement with that judgment. I also think if you substitute “she” and “her” for “he” and “him” the advice still works.

  • nikolanikola February 9th, 2012 11:04 PM

    This comment is not at all to sway away from necessary attention to females, just some food for thought…I would like to point out that porn is similarly problematic for individuals who identify as males in this case, as it portrays males as, for some reason it feels right to say this here, jizzmasters. Mainstream pornography skews the notion that just because a male has released jizz he has also orgasmed. This in some or possibly many cases is not true. I identify as a cis-gendered female (born with female attributed genitalia and identify as such) and when I first started having sex in high school with a guy I would feel very defeated when I could not make him cum and mad at him that he did not cum. I learned about sex through porn and mainstream films such as American Pie and Van Wilder that guys want to have sex all the time and are just brimming with jizz at all hours of the day, so when I could not make my partner cum I immediately assumed something was wrong with me and my partner. I did not think to ask him, have you orgasmed, or are you really finding pleasure in whatever sexual act we were engaging in. It is important to go into any sexual encounters with a healthy understanding of consent and what makes you and your partner/partners comfortable and happy. As many people have stated communication is key and faking orgasms is no fun for anyone. There’s always biased misconceptions coming from both sides when it is coming from a perspective of how male and female sexuality is portrayed in mainstream media.

  • jessica j February 9th, 2012 11:10 PM

    Just wanted to say that I think the article is super useful, but it felt a little icky that the author kind of assumes people will be having sex with men only. An easy fix would be to just say “your partner” or even “they.”

    Queer ladies can definitely face the same problems.

    • jessica j February 9th, 2012 11:14 PM

      To add, I don’t think that it’s true at all that it’s easier for girls to tell. I had serious problems with my girlfriend when I faked for a while and then told her. She had no idea for months, and only found out when I told her about it. Making the post all inclusive probably would be better.

      • whisperingtheword February 10th, 2012 5:25 PM

        and all inclusive is so easy to do!

        also, I would imagine (maybe I am being too graphic for this site but it says ya’ll moderate this so I won’t worry too much about being an adult on a teen site!) that what the writer specifically meant when they said that ladies might be able to tell is that if you’re a person with a vagina and have had an orgasm you are probably familiar with the contractions of the vaginal wall and/or the fluids that may or may not be expelled. But this again assumes that all ladies have had an orgasm.

  • Zoe with two dots February 10th, 2012 4:08 AM

    I always felt guilty when my ex and I were doing sexy stuff (we never had “proper” sex), he kept asking “Are you there? Are you gonna orgasm yet? How about now? How about now?” until I was ready to shout, “If you don’t stop asking about my bloody orgasms, I will not let you near my vagina EVER AGAIN.”
    Never faked it though, just mumbled, “umm, not quite yet.”

  • Nic February 10th, 2012 11:41 AM

    Again I find myself as a grown woman reading an article on Rookie and thinking, I wish this was around when I was younger.

    I myself faked it when I was younger and found that it stunted my sexual growth – it took me a long time to figure out what I actually liked and how to tell my partner. I personally cannot come from vaginal intercourse, so it is very important that my partners will be enthusiastic about giving me oral (@fullmetalguitar, awesome advice!) and I am only too happy to return the favor. My point is that everyone is different and no one should feel bad about what works for them. Communication is key and becoming comfortable with sex is a process. Don’t feel bad for being embarrassed, or not knowing something, just be honest and up front with your partner and make sure to do your best to choose people who will reciprocate. Remember: you are in this together, whether it be for one night or many years. Everyone should be having a good time!

    As a side note, for guys and girls here who are not sure if their ladies are orgasming, I would like to give some advice: watch! Not to be too graphic, but as a girl gets excited, her genitals will start to swell (not unlike a guy) and when she reaches orgasm the vaginal wall will start to contract, which you should be able to see and feel (perhaps with a finger?). If your partner is able to orgasm through masturbation, ask them if they’d be willing to while you watch (and masturbate as well!) and I mean, actually WATCH. I promise you it will be an enjoyable learning experience.

  • JennaF February 10th, 2012 12:44 PM

    Happened again, the only way I can seem to log in to post a comment means that my first comment shows up. Sorry for lack of relevance. If anyone could remove that, it would be great. And if you do, can you please just remove this preamble from my comment too! I’ll try to figure out why this keeps happening (I think it has to do with stored passwords).

    OK so what I was logging in to say: There are several comments here about clitoral vs. vaginal orgasms. Something that hasn’t really percolated through into mainstream knowledge yet is that they’re not different. Vaginal orgasms ARE clitoral orgasms.

    The clitoris is WAY bigger than had been thought for a long time. Mostly because men have been studying non-aroused clitorises, but new studies and methods of studying have changed that.

    http://io9.com/5876335/until-2009-the-human-clitoris-was-an-absolute-mystery

    Check out how much larger that is than “the little man in the boat.”

  • salomeforever February 10th, 2012 4:12 PM

    In my personal experience, being able to be totally open about the orgasms you aren’t having is what leads to having great orgasms. Once you and your partner get over the stress and pressure of having to be total perfect lovegods all the time, you can actually work on learning what gets each other off and that discovery process is fun, hot, and satisfying. Sex is never going to be like it is in the movies, and definitely (well usually) not like porn. The acceptance of that leads to some serious good times.

  • AndieP February 11th, 2012 11:25 AM

    I’ve only ever faked it twice with my boyfriend. It was phone sex and it was late into the night and I really wanted sleep since I had class in the morning. I haven’t done it since then. I don’t have the heart to fake one during sex though, that would be too cruel. He’s only made me orgasm once and even that took a while. But we experiment and have fun.

  • Anaheed February 11th, 2012 4:14 PM

    You know what? You all have changed my mind. You’re right; there was no good reason not to make this post more inclusive. The bad reasons were we were in a hurry and didn’t have time to really think it over the way we should have. So thanks for changing my mind and sorry that we weren’t more thoughtful about this one.

    • whisperingtheword February 12th, 2012 6:41 AM

      thank you for this response.

  • appledarling February 12th, 2012 12:19 AM

    to me, i will only fake an orgasm if its to be polite… if they actually really tried.

    sort of like a really good friend that prepared a meal for me and spent so much time on it, and i’ll say the meal was good…. just to be polite… but i still might suggest spices… and herbs…

    haha, and never dis cookware.

    • Johann7 February 13th, 2012 12:21 PM

      I think the point that the article is making is that lying (by faking an orgasm) really isn’t polite, at least not in a totally healthy relationship. While it might spare someone’s feelings in the short runs, it should really be okay to not have an orgasm and/or to tell someone, “Hey, that was really great, but I’m done for tonight/this morning/this afternoon/this lunch hour/etc.” and not have that be an issue. As with the meal, you’re better off being honest from the start, so that friend doesn’t keep putting tons of effort into something you’re just not that into – that doesn’t really serve anyone well. Something that can seem kinder in the immediate or short term might actually be less kind in the long run, because you’re not giving people accurate information about how you feel so that they can make informed decisions. I tend to think that lying to spare someone’s feelings is actually unkind in effect, even if the intention is good. That said, there are ways to phrase things that people might not ideally want to hear that can be more or less hurtful – in my mind it’s important to tell the truth, but also consider HOW one is doing so.

  • Rae0320 February 12th, 2012 6:31 PM

    Yeah this article kind of offends me and I don’t know why? I don’t agree with the assumption that by faking an orgasm, you’re ‘letting down other people’ or the boy (or girl) is doing something wrong – I’m in a totally normal, loving, happy and healthy relationship and though my boyfriend is VERY good at making me orgasm, some nights it just ain’t happening even when he is doing ALL the right things (and I blame that on hormones, mood, etc – not him or myself.) In those situations, I ‘fake’ an orgasm (and by that I really mean I’m just vocal and enjoy the sex as sex without climaxing.) By doing so, I enjoy it more, he enjoys it more, I think just getting into it and having a good time is what it’s all about…yes an orgasm is amazing but like loads of girls have posted for some it hasn’t happened yet..and they shouldn’t feel guilty for getting into sex and having a great time without a full climax. Honesty is great and necessary for a good sex life, but I wouldn’t necessarily want to lie there kind of miserable and then roll over and tell my boyfriend that he failed if/when it was beyond his control

  • katycruel February 15th, 2012 7:33 PM

    I just recommended you guys as the best source of honest writing about sex that I know (here: http://crunchingsandmunchings.wordpress.com/2012/02/15/dirty-little-secrets-cohen/)

    And I’m glad that you didn’t let me down with this post, either.

  • Unicorngirl March 4th, 2012 2:27 AM

    THANK YOU so much for writing about this instead of giving us a list of ways to please our men!

    I am proud to say I have never faked it, but I recently went on a trip with 10 or 11 girls who all did EVERY TIME. They felt like they had to end every sexual experience with one. I’ve found that it’s so much better to just tell them what you like and don’t, and admit it if it’s not working for you at the moment. Kinda sucks, but worth it in the end. And he or she will be so much happier when you do have one, they know it’s real.