Dear Diary

January 11, 2012

Habits, old and new.

Dylan

Seattle weather is the fucking pits. The skies are gray and the cloud-dampened daylight lasts about seven hours. Compared with the Bay Area, where you can lay out in the park in January, coming home feels like a major step back. It’s really hard for me to find the initiative to work on a project, or walk my dog, or, like, get out of bed when there’s no sun to warm my face. I don’t want to do shit when I’m home. I wish that I wanted to, but I don’t.

Honestly, it’s convenient to blame the weather. My psychology is weird when I’m here on a holiday break. The kid I used to be tromped around the city, spending entire days downtown, and never cooped herself up. I used to be mystified by my friends’ hibernation habits. Who would ever want to stay in and do nothing all day? Turns out: I do.

In my head, I’d always choose being out and about over being comfy. My first words were “go places.” Proof! Anyway, hibernating, or whatever you want to call it, has been the pattern during my last few extended stays at home. Whether it was the rain or the lack of routine or the simplicity of being at my mom’s house, there’s something that happens in my head that turns the switch from “Let’s go out all the time!” into “Just text them and tell them you’re too tired…” It’s like I magically got lame one day, like something inside of me gently coaxed, “Yes, Dylan, waste your life away in your beautiful hometown. That sounds nice.” Whatever that something is, it’s lame! It’s given me a couple of summer and winter breaks where my habits are comparable to a bear’s.

I’m writing this on my last night here. I’m about 30 minutes away from going to my friend’s show at a venue down the street and I’m planning on partying all night to say goodbye to my city. At least I’m doing something today, although it makes me feel even more as if I wasted all these weeks here. ♦

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25 Comments

  • Narnie January 11th, 2012 8:05 PM

    Katherine- that was so beautiful and so honest. It’s exactly how I feel about high school too.

  • maebefunke January 11th, 2012 8:14 PM

    Ruby, Holla at another Rookie veggie!
    One day when I stop being lame, I will submit a post about being vegan (except for really good pizza). Mainly because the world NEEDS to know this vegan shepherds pie recipe.

  • Fortune_Goddess January 11th, 2012 8:17 PM

    Ruby! You are me. *creepiness*

  • I.ila January 11th, 2012 8:55 PM

    Dylan – That is me all the time. I say “Oh yeah, we should meet up this weekend” and then I never actually do. Somehow I wind up on Sunday with a pile of homework and I haven’t gone outside my house.

  • moonchild January 11th, 2012 8:57 PM

    Hey rookie! sorry I accidentally posted a comment with nothing in it! (didn’t mean to hahaha)

    Anyway, I just wanted to say that I LOVE this weeks diary! w00t w00t vegetarian power… UNITE!

  • bunny2015 January 11th, 2012 9:21 PM

    I”m from Seattle, I’m still here and I TOTALLY understand about the weather Dylan!

  • caro nation January 11th, 2012 9:28 PM

    Minna, that apple dress is KILLER. WHERE IS THAT FROM?

    • Minna January 11th, 2012 10:49 PM

      Oh golly!! I found this picture in a 1976 German magazine.. I also found a pic of a bed with like vinyl cherries as the bed head. I died. So to be honest the dress probably isn’t on the market anymore.. If you search on ebay for like 50s fruit dresses or cherry dresses or something you never know what you’ll find though! :) :) :) tutti frutti!

  • Nasstasja January 11th, 2012 10:09 PM

    I have 5 months left of high school too and the same feelings are starting to hit me. I simultaneously feel too old and mature for high school and too young for college. Crapppp. I just want out of school

  • acatfollowedmehome January 12th, 2012 1:11 AM

    Katherine your diary today was truly beautiful. So honest. The part where you talked about the boy who killed himself and how you can know people in little ways. How he once told you you were funny.

  • kirsty January 12th, 2012 7:32 AM

    doh i’m moving to seattle later this year, this doesn’t inspire much enthusiasm dylan! although saying that, you’re comparing it to san francisco’s weather, whereas i’m coming from scotland…it’ll feel like hawaii to me!

    • Dylan January 12th, 2012 12:00 PM

      Seattle is a gem. I love it so much. But the winter just sucks…but I guarantee you, not as much as Scotland!!

  • kavalier January 12th, 2012 7:51 AM

    Naomi, that diary entry is beautiful – it reads like poetry.

    I can relate, in a way. I’m about to enter my last year of high school and I’m basically scared shitless at the possibility before me: to succeed, or to just totally bomb out. There’s so much potential in my life right now. Theoretically, I can do anything, and it’s terrifying.

    I love reading your entries every week.

    also: kjdhfgkjdfhg BON IVER

    • Naomi January 12th, 2012 10:51 AM

      esdrftyghuiuyt BON IVER!!! (we have the same reaction to bon iver)

      • kavalier January 12th, 2012 9:33 PM

        it’s the only proper reaction, let’s be real

    • rhymeswithorange January 12th, 2012 7:01 PM

      Ahhh I agree with all of this! You are my favorite rookie writer, naomi. Your entry is just inspiring.
      And I feel the same way about bon iver!!! I swear half my diary is “BON IVER IS SPECTACULAR FANTASTIC MAGICAL AMAZING”

  • vadergurl January 12th, 2012 10:54 AM

    I can relate to this so much. I ate fairly normal until I turned about four or five, then I decided no more meat, no more veggies, little to no fruit, no eggs, basically nothing but grain and dairy products. I keep finding articles online and Anderson Cooper did an episode on his show about extremely picky eaters. I like feeling less alone. Maybe someday I’ll try to “fix” my eating habits, but it’s not any easy task when you’ve been used to it your whole life.

  • KayKay January 12th, 2012 11:56 AM

    I’m generally not a picky eater, but I cannot stand some things [mushrooms, foie gras, cheese [only melted cheese is okay], abalone, shell fish [like mussels and clams and oysters], shrimp that still have the head on them [gawd, it's gross], organs [like kidneys and liver], celery, fennel and bird’s nest, to name a few).

    Especially not bird’s nest; it’s this chinese delicacy made of bird saliva… I’m serious, bird saliva. And the worst thing is, I once ate it without knowing what it was, gah.

  • Ruby B. January 12th, 2012 6:00 PM

    Katherine, that was beautiful.

  • MissKnowItAll January 12th, 2012 8:59 PM

    OMG so happy to find a veggie rookie like me. I’m lacto-vegan tho…

  • martina January 13th, 2012 2:11 AM

    oh dylan i totally feel you on seattle winter hell. the constant grey is just so exhausting, having to leave my bedroom for more than a couple of hours becomes quite the ordeal. still, i love this city terribly.
    also, wow katherine and naomi’s diaries were so beautiful this week.

  • taste test January 14th, 2012 5:43 PM

    Katherine, your post on high school is so great and relatable. I’m also a high school senior, and I also both love and hate high school right now- hate it because it’s so predictable and frustrating, but love it because it’s what I know and I am lightyears away from being ready for college.

  • The Emma Edition January 16th, 2012 11:29 PM

    Katherine, I loved your diary post, especially the part about sitting with someone silently at lunch. I think there is such a thing as unawkward silence… sometimes its just nice to eat lunch, you know?

  • elenamarie January 17th, 2012 10:56 AM

    Okay so… I am a vegetarian,who eats fish. I wanna be a vegan but I don’t know how I could eat anything!! Where I live,there is absolutely no vegan restraunts or stores in sight! My cousin is a vegan, but she has a lot of health problems that i think I would get if I became a vegan. Help!