Dear Diary

December 7, 2011

Hear ye, hear ye! Please welcome new diarist RUBY! Also: Katherine farts.

Katherine

I’m in the middle of a massive break-up. It’s the worst sort of falling-out. We used to be so close, but now it’s as if the intensity of our relationship is what’s tearing us apart. I’ve been told, or at least popular songs and the media have told me, that no love can last forever, but I thought that my love of all things academic was forever and always until the ends of the earth.

The Joy of Learning and I met on the first day of second grade and were instantly inseparable. I recall settling down for reading time next to some of my new friends. Our rug had a map of the world on it, and I vividly remember sitting on Antarctica—whose little polar bear drawing and position on the outer edge made it the most coveted spot on the rug. Not a minute into reading our book, I farted. Loudly. You see, I was (maybe am) a champion farter. At the tender age of seven I had mastered the art of foghorn-level farts with none of the unpleasant odor. I figured that my classmates’ laughter was in appreciation of my awesome and unique talent. They laughed. THEY LOVED ME!

My happiness ended that night at the dinner table, when I told my parents all about how AWESOME my fart had been, and they informed me that farting in public was in no way socially acceptable. I slowly came to the realization that this had been these kids’ first impression of me—as a socially unacceptable public passer of gas—and that that one fart would become my identity for the next five years. I was Fart Girl. I was virtually friendless. Needing something to fill the gaping hole where BFF necklaces and guaranteed lunch table seats might have gone, I turned to reading and studying. I also turned to an obsession with horses and Celtic music, but I’d really like to forget about those chapters in my life.

School was everything for me. It was my identity. By sixth grade I had discovered the joys of math club, chess club, and book club. I befriended the librarian by essentially hiding in the library every spare moment I had. By freshman year, I was still always in the library. I remember one delinquent passing by me and saying to his delinquent friends, “Hey look, Study Girl here’s gonna get an A.” I think I responded with a hearty “THANK YOU. I WILL get an A.” You tell ’em, Study Girl.

Then, this year, my relationship with learning got rocky. I started to struggle in English class for a split second, which NEVER happens, and I lost my identity. We have a bigger workload this year, and my classes are harder, and I fell behind in reading one day. Then I fell behind in writing my papers. I started turning them in later and later. In fact, there is a half-written essay on Crime and Punishment sitting on my computer right now. It was due in September. Whatever the opposite of extremely motivated is, that is what I became. This past Friday, I arrived in Spanish class without having done my homework for possibly the millionth time. I scurried to fill out the assigned worksheets, literally making up verbs. When the teacher chewed me out, she was talking to the kid who never did her homework, and not the kid who just happened to forget one time. I’ve become one of those kids—the ones who do no work and don’t care. One of the kids I always hated.

It’s been this way for a few months now. I really would like for things to go back to the way they were, but it’s kind of like school’s just not returning my phone calls or providing me with any inspiration. But I’m still holding out hope. A romance that epic just can’t be dead. ♦

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21 Comments

  • Naomi December 7th, 2011 7:04 PM

    RUBYYYYYYYYYY YEYYYYYY

  • moonchild December 7th, 2011 7:14 PM

    OH MY GOODNESS! I FOLLOW YOUR BLOG RUBY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU ARE TOTALLY AWESOME!!!

    (aha AVPM reference *wink wink*)

    I like to sew too! And I absolutely know what you mean about no one understanding your intrests… :l

    Oh and I’ve been living in the US all my life, and I still don’t know how to act (OR WHO KIM KARDASHION IS FOR THAT MATTER!)

    This is really nice. Tanks for writing!

    Gwen

    http://under-a-bridge.blogspot.com/

    • moonchild December 7th, 2011 7:15 PM

      *Thanks not tanks! haha

  • Whatsername December 7th, 2011 9:48 PM

    Ruby seems like a very interesting person, I’m glad she’s joining the weekly diary. C: Can’t wait til next week!

  • Chimdi December 7th, 2011 10:09 PM

    I just finished reading Crime and Punishment…crazy stuff!!!

  • Pia December 7th, 2011 10:25 PM

    Katherine: I was always a great student. I wasn’t the valedictorian or anything, but I was someone that people recognized as smart. I loved school and class, and craved good teachers and inspiring literature. Senior year is bunk. The silly logistics of high school started to get to me and I spent more time smoking cigarettes in my car in the parking lot, asleep, or at my boyfriend’s house than I did in class. Hold out, learning has to get worse to get better. I went to a hyper academic college after my senior year and completely rose to the occasion even though my brain had completely atrophied in the the 12th grade. Hang in there. <3

  • kem247 December 7th, 2011 11:02 PM

    Oh Dylan, I want to be at a place where you are at now but I am too shy. :(

    http://misskemi.tumblr.com/

  • Nomi December 7th, 2011 11:15 PM

    yayyyy finally someone who isn’t like three years older than me! love dylan katherine and naomi, but even though ruby’s life sounds totally different from mine, i feel like ill be able to relate to her more because shes closer to my age

  • youarebananas December 7th, 2011 11:31 PM

    katherine, ME TOO. senioritis? for the first two years of high school, i was terrified of what would happen if i didn’t finish my homework. now i can’t imagine completing even half of it, but i’ve mastered the skill of winning over my teachers enough so that they think i’m invested yet ridiculously busy, not just a slacker. i am disappointed in myself, but not enough to work any harder. worst feeling.

  • Dylan December 7th, 2011 11:54 PM

    Katherine YEP, happened to me too. Ah man. Back in the day, when I used to be good at school…sigh…(this is some of my finals angst coming out)

  • zomgitsmoi December 8th, 2011 3:30 AM

    OMG as an eighth grader living in beijing at the moment i can totally relate to your post ruby. i was actually going to submit something really similar to rookie, but schoolwork kept me from doing so. and i have no idea why the hell kim kardashian is so famous either :)

  • samhatt December 8th, 2011 3:54 AM

    i’m going through a similar phase katherine, i feel like i spend all my time in the library doing last-minute hw and i seem to spend all this time studying but i don’t have the grades to show for it.

  • December 8th, 2011 5:04 AM

    Katherine, I seem to be someone that needs a lot of inspiration to get myself going. Like if I had some difficult and or boring homework to do, then I would imagine that I was a very studious, intellectual type of person, and then attack it ferociously! And it actually seemed to work :-) It sounds like you’re already pretty smart, so maybe you don;t need to do exactly what I did, but maybe there’s someone that you really admire that you could take inspiration from? :-)

  • Alcohols December 8th, 2011 6:46 AM

    Dylan, I have the same problem now! I started at uni two months ago and I thought how its gonna change my life completely (because I will be living without parents in a different country) and how Im gonna be a totally different person. Well, Im still not living a life that a would describe as an ideal, but Im slowly approaching it. Most importantly, thinking that uni will change into someone else is the worst misconception ever. Actually, Ive stayed myself and I am able to express myself more freely which I couldnt / was afraid to do before. If this doesnt make sense, sorry, Ive been up all night writing my last essay of the term :) Anyway, wonderful diaries! It feels so good to know that there people on this planet who deal with same problems as I do. Thanks!

  • Ruby B. December 8th, 2011 8:11 AM

    Thanks for the welcome, everyone!

  • erin December 8th, 2011 10:12 AM

    I totally relate to Katherine’s situation… at my school, it’s rumored that junior year is the worst, and man am I feeling it. Last year and the year before I’d easily get A’s, and if I got a B or B+, I freaked and worked really hard to fix it. Now, I’m relieved if manage a B in some of my classes. I feel like I’m being sucked into a black hole… I really hope it gets better next year.

  • OrangeSunrise December 8th, 2011 4:30 PM

    Yay! Welcome to our crew, Ruby :) I am so glad someone closer to my age is joining, I mean I love the other diaries but it’s nice to have someone at around the same stage in their life as you are in yours. If that made sense…*sigh*

    Katherine, my mind has gotten all mumbled lately, strange sleep patterns and increasing stress, and as a result, school has fallen waaaay down. I am majorly disappointing my parents at the moment, and I am constantly in trouble or stressed. So annoying, and I just don’t know what to do!

  • dogsrule December 8th, 2011 8:34 PM

    oh man i totally became this person ever since i worked really hard in 6th grade and got amazing grades, but wasn’t put in honors classes for 7th grade. i’m currently behind in mountains of work (blaming it on senioritis while it’s not even 3rd quarter yet). also this week is our school’s production of bye bye birdie and i’m convinced tech will burst into flames without me.

  • koolkat December 10th, 2011 7:03 PM

    I lived in Singapore for 3 and a half years, and for a while after moving back to the UK, people would regard me as a foreigner and ask how I could speak English and stuff (???), despite my having lived in England for years before! I know how you feel, Ruby!

  • anya December 15th, 2011 6:57 PM

    Hi Katherine–
    My name is Anya, and I made an account just so I could write this to you! Here’s what I say: TAKE A GAP YEAR! Maybe a year off — with NO school! — would help you with the break-up/rekindle the flame/other semi-related metaphor. I finished high school last year, and will go to college next year, buuuuuuut I am currently on a gap year studying and traveling around Europe! I can’t even describe how glad I am to have made this feels-really-big-and-scary decision. Anyway, those are my two cents — good luck with the rest of senior year, and pleeeeeeeease lets talk if you have questions or something.
    Yay rookie,
    Anya

  • Narita December 17th, 2011 3:45 AM

    I can relate to this… I’m currently at my 14th school because of moving around, bullying, more moving around and more bullying, kinda. I’ve moved a lot, probably as much as possible in the little country of The Netherlands. And even though it all seems the same – like, it’s all the same country – every place had that little different thingy. I lived on an island until I was eight and not that much foreigners come here, except for vacation, but most people who live here are living here for generations. I don’t and I’ve been away from my 8th until my 11th, and when I came back I didn’t feel home here anymore. Most people thing you’re kinda like a second class when you’re not born here and you get bonus misfit points in case you’re not wearing adidas and bjorn borg. (Yeah, we’re really that much behind) Which resulted in me getting locked up in the guys’ toilets and being beaten up… in class. And since that, less than a year ago, I already switched schools 2 more times and I guess I’ll always remain the ‘new kid’. Can’t we just abolish that phrase?