I don’t think I’ve ever made a New Year’s resolution. Probably because I am a lazy poop and my life theory is that NOTHING is ever resolved. Also, to-do lists are far superior to resolutions. They are concise and understood to be impossible. BUT since I have this thing where I try things I’m really bad at (guitar) and do things that I usually hate (acting enthusiastic around people’s dogs, wearing tank tops, smiling), I will attempt a list of resolutions. Here goes:

  • Shower more. Smell better.
  • Talk about poop less around people I don’t know.
  • Develop an appreciation for dogs.
  • Invent a time machine and go back in time in order to go talk to younger versions of my parents and meet (make out with) young Leonardo DiCaprio.
  • Eat a vegetable (one more than I ate in 2011).
  • Do homework (ha).
  • Practice punctuality.
  • Develop a stance on politics.
  • Read more.
  • Track down that Hogwarts letter that those gershdern owls lost when I was 11.
  • Actually write a legitimate poem or short story.
  • Reach out to those who like dubstep. (This one will be tough.)
  • Be social on weekends. Go to pArTiEs and tOtEs cHiLl wit mah peeps.

After this Sunday, I will forget about these things and never do them. This list will be a reminder of my continual failure. ♦