Last Friday I was hanging out at school with a bunch of girls in front of a plate of pumpkin chocolate chip cookies brought in by a classmate (literally, the best cookies ever). Out of nowhere, one of the girls proposed that all of us give up sweets until prom. A few of the others immediately made a pact that if they did indeed eat something, they would jump into someone’s pool naked the minute they did. I turned to one of my friends and jeered, “OMG, let’s get skinny so that boys will like us and take us to PROM!” I thought she would support me with a good eyeroll or at least help me seize the plate of cookies and storm out of the room. Instead, she just shrugged.
I was super peeved. I thought she would agree with me that the idea was (1) bogus, (2) futile (as I find jumping into pools rather fun), and (3) really stupid, as prom is light years away and not that important. And in any case, if I went to prom I would want to be the biggest, baddest lady breaking it down on the dance floor. All eyes on me (in the center of the ring, just like a circus). I’m sure prom is just grrreat, and I also know that I’ve had moments when I’ve sounded like any other high school girl complaining about her weight/looks/acne, but this is really ridiculous. We’re all 17 or 18, can’t we just ditch the notion that we absolutely have to be skinny for one night? Or for any number of nights? Like scallops and Chinese food, this did not sit well with me.
After that uplifting conversation, we all settled down to watch a video on the good old YouTube. (I promise we never have this much time on our hands except for right before exam week.) My friends pulled up this video of what was “just the cutest wedding ever.” This was not how I wanted to spend my time, so I walked out of the room and went to rant to an English teacher. After they finished the video, literally all of the girls who had watched it were crying. Later, in French class, they all drew Sharpie tattoos of the husband’s and wife’s names on their wrists and talked about how they all wanted to get married with flowers in their hair and have dozens of kids that instant. WHAT! IS! THIS?!!!!!!
When I got home, I watched the wedding video out of curiosity and because I wanted to be proven wrong. I wanted to think, “OK, this is actually really sweet. I’m sorry that I made such a big show of not wanting to watch it.” That didn’t happen. It wasn’t horrible, but I didn’t understand why it had provoked that CUTEST EVAAAAHR reaction in my peers, nor why anyone would want to share this personal event with the World Wide Web.
At this point I also have to acknowledge that I have two Justin Bieber posters on my wall that are not completely ironic. I must also note that I really like going to weddings and school dances and stuff like that. I don’t want to be too judgy, but I don’t think I’m alone when I say that things like prom and other peoples’ relationships are often blown way out of proportion. The importance of cookies, however, can NEVER be blown out of proportion. Ohmygoodness. I’m going to have a cookie-themed wedding with a cookie wedding cake and a cookie husband that I film and put on YouTube. In place of vows, we will trade unique cookies, and a year or so later, we will have cookie children. But, really, what will be more important is COOKIE PROM. I can’t wait this is going to be sew cute uguyz. Down with convention! UP WITH THE COOKIES! ♦