Dear Diary

November 30, 2011

Growing up, not growing up, obsessing over TV, and the mean reds.


Sometimes, in school, I don’t really feel like a TEENAGE GRRRL. I definitely identify as a female between the ages of 13 and 19, but a lot of the time, teachers make me feel like a sheep. One of many sheep. The sheep are lost and stupid and confused, and it’s the shepherd’s job to care for and protect (i.e., torture and denigrate) their herd (multitude of worthless mutton). Is a sheep acting up? Rein it in! Does that sheepling look too cheery? Give it a research paper! Hell, give it TEN research papers!!

Here’s a first-day-of school-picture of me at my sheep school. I was nervous about my final first day. Sorry if I look sheepish. (lol. Jk.)

This past weekend, I paused my normal sheep activity and was just a n0rmal t33n. Friday night, when all my plans fell through (par usual), I ended up staying up late and watching Monte Carlo with my big brother. You guys, it was amazing. The plot is basically just a bunch of average Texas teens with big dreams who go to Paris only to have Selena Gomez’s character mistaken for a British heiress. They steal a vacation and a multimillion-dollar necklace. Trouble, right? But in the end all is forgiven and nobody pays any consequences, just like in real life. Also, we both drooled over Leighton Meister’s character’s beau like the eighth grade girls we are. But no, really, he’s gorgeous. No one can fight it.

Teenage-girldom continued at the mall (with friendz!), which I don’t think I’ve been to since hanging out at the mall was a thing, when we’d wander around, play 1-2-3-he’s-yours, and get those giant pretzels while we waited for our parents. It’s been a looooooong time. This time around, we were the annoying pesky teens that everyone—myself included—HATES. My friend and I hid behind pillars and shop displays for a solid 15 minutes before our group realized that we were gone. I mean, they knew, but they didn’t acknowledge our tomfoolery until 15 minutes had passed. We made asses of ourselves. But as Maude said to Harold, “Everyone has a right to make an ass of himself.” And so we do. I had the right to be a pesky teen and a total tweenie bopper for a weekend. It was fun, but now it’s back to the herd. Baaaah. ♦


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  • Marguerite November 30th, 2011 7:38 PM

    O MAH GAWD!! That looks just like my sheep! I have a sheep, a shetland sheep, she’s black with a white tail and white feet and white nose. She is the cutest thing in the world and I haven’t seen her in 3 months because she lives at my grandmother’s farm! ahhhh…ok…

  • Nomi November 30th, 2011 8:14 PM

    Katherine–that sounds like fun! i always wanted to do the mall thing, but alas, no malls in Manhattan. Just have to wander around 5t avenue and try on all the expensive dresses like the obnoxious teens me and my friends are ;)

  • maira November 30th, 2011 8:59 PM

    Oh Dylan. I am 21 and read the last three paragraphs and I don’t even know what to say because it resounded so deeply with how I spent my Thanksgiving weekend. I was so happy to see my parents that I spent the whole weekend relaxing and it felt so good. I felt like I really, really needed it. But I also think I was somehow paralyzed by how much I had to do. Reading your post made me feel like I wasn’t alone in feeling this way and that alone made me feel loads better. The best thing I can think to do in these situations is to let myself freak out, cry, feel bad, etc for a little bit. But after that I think to myself, there’s nothing left to do but soldier on. And I try to take all of that energy and put it towards being proactive. It’s obviously easier said than done, but I think the key is not to repress everything you feel, but not completely dwell on it either.

  • fizzingwhizbees November 30th, 2011 9:55 PM

    Dylan, I know EXACTLY how you feel. Thanksgiving-break breakdown and all. I was so excited to come to college, and now that I’m here all I can think about is how terrified I am to graduate and become an adult with responsibilities.

  • moonchild November 30th, 2011 10:18 PM

    Wow, Dylan, that was so beautiful. Sigh… expectations are hard.

  • Sunshine November 30th, 2011 10:19 PM

    You mentioned 1-2-3 he’s yours. Gilmore Girls reference? I think I’m in love with you.

  • cherrycola27 November 30th, 2011 11:34 PM

    I play 1-2-3 he’s yours ALL the time! I almost got a date out if once, but that’s a long story. :)
    And Dylan, I can totally relate to your feelings. I’m 20 and suddenly realizing I have to “get it together” even more and that’s so scary. Good to know other people feel the same way.

  • Narnie December 1st, 2011 3:14 AM

    Dylan, you consistently write so beautifully and honestly. Somehow everything you say just resonates so deeply…

  • Billy December 1st, 2011 8:12 AM

    Dylan, I know exactly how you feel. I feel the exact same. Im turning 19 soon and EVERYONE expects this huge change from kid to mature adult. I too have always been considered “a mature child” and now that I’m having trouble transitioning into a SUPER MATURE RESPONSIBLE ADULT everyone seems pissed about it. ugh. I dont know what people expect from a 19 year old either. I cry as well.

  • giov December 1st, 2011 11:21 AM

    Oh Dylan, how I understand your pains (every week actually, and we don’t even share the same star sign). I am 22 but my life is still kind of the same of when I was 19, maturity wise. Okay, my cooking skills have improved! And I have better clothes! But I am still very, extremely far from having my shit together. But, hey, I don’t know a single person who has their shit completely together! And I am sure you don’t, either.

  • Pauletta December 1st, 2011 12:16 PM

    Naomi.- I will definitely check ‘The Killing’, sounds like my kind of show.

    I also wanted to tell you that you write amazingly well. I never miss your submissions. Keep it up!!

  • tallulahpond December 1st, 2011 1:27 PM

    I watch The Killing! It’s so good, and no-one else I know watches it. Now finally I find another lost soul, haha!

  • Morgan December 1st, 2011 4:20 PM

    Dylan- I am 22 and I can relate to everything you wrote 100%, I’m having a really hard time figuring out how to be the person that I want to grow up to be and the person that everyone else (my mother) wants me to be and its awful.

    I feel like my choices (more now than ever before) are really laying
    out the path for my future, and its terrifying. If I decide to leave an awesome paying job that I hate in order to do something that might not work out at all, will I look back in 3 years and
    hate myself for it? if I don’t take a chance will I look back and REALLY hate myself for it?

    Don’t let other peoples expectations of where you should be in life or how you should act at this certain point affect how you are choosing to live your life. It sounds easy but honestly, its pretty hard.

  • Birger December 4th, 2011 1:50 PM

    OMG! Love that show, I’m from Denmark so it’s been a whale since it was on TV here:)
    Had no idea I was watched in other countries!