Sometimes I’m talking to someone and an interaction we’ve had in the past resurfaces in my mind and makes me uncomfortable. Like last year, this one girl asked me if I liked boys. I wasn’t quite sure how she meant it, so I quickly replied yes, of course. She then expanded by asking me if I got crushes. She said it didn’t seem like I did. She said that she had just been thinking about it and had decided that I wasn’t the type to date or get married. I didn’t know what to say. Should I have defended myself? Did I even need to?
At that point I just felt self-conscious. In my real-life super-girly and more-than-slightly-embarrassing diary I wrote down, “Did she think I was too immature? Too annoying? Too plain or boring? I want a burrito.” I was angry that she would feel the need to tell me that. I was just innocently sitting in the hallway, studying for a test, when she came up to me and was all, I’M ABOUT TO CHIP AWAY SOME OF YOUR SELF-CONFIDENCE. I think that in a weird way she meant well, but still. For us perpetually self-conch kids, everything chips away at your self-confidence. (Wah-wah.) I also still really want a burrito and I haven’t gotten one yet. Also, over-analysis is fun, right?
This was just one random interaction, but it still makes me kind of mad. Why is marriage such an expectation when we’re still in high school? And why was she making it sound like it was a pity and a shame that I just may not be the type to get married? My parents do this, too. Every couple of conversations they’ll be like, “When you get married, you will learn X or Y fact and thank us to for forcing you to do X or Y thing that you resent us for now.” Be patient, people. I am 17 years old. I am still in high school. I haven’t even been to a school dance with a real date. CHILL ERRBODY. ♦