Dear Diary

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Sleeping and not sleeping, stalagmites and stalactites, and good/bad news for Dylan.

Dylan

Last night I hung out with one of my best friends, Sara. She is in her mid-20s, but we never even consider the age difference. She is a magical, bubbly person who is more positive than anyone I know, so hanging out with her is righteous fun. Not to mention, she likes to party. A lot. She’s from Southern California originally, but when she lived in Seattle during my senior year of high school, her house was four blocks away from mine. I had a friend, over 21, four blocks from my house—this was a very convenient party situation, during the time of my life when I most wanted to party (mostly as a way to distract from how stressful senior year was). Whenever I had to crash because I raged too hard, or wanted to hang out with my friends away from my mom’s house, or just wanted to eat tacos and listen to records, Sara was my guardian angel. Well, now I’m super excited because she just moved to the Bay Area for a job, and we are going to move in together!

This is totally my dream situation—what could be more fun than living with one of your favorite people in the world? She’s super laid back, and our house is going to be adorable, and we’ll get to live close to campus for me and close to public transportation and bakeries and coffee shops and places for hangover brunch. Our third roommate—Sara’s best friend from college—is a fun girl, too, and we’re thinking about getting a dog. So everything’s swell.

But sometimes I get really bummed out about leaving Starline, you know? I mean seriously, how could I not be?

Starline is the music/performing arts/dinner party/magic venue that I’ve been living in for the past month. I sort of had to audition to even be chosen to live here—they interviewed me twice and finally selected me because of my infectious, youthful enthusiasm and sparkling personality, obviously. But the person whose room I’ve been subletting is coming back in December, and I have to move. I’ve loved living at Starline and have been having some wonderful times here. Even just simple everyday moments feel special. Like right now, I’m sipping iced tea in our sunny ballroom while my roommates mill about getting ready for the show here tonight, an album release party for the lady that teaches yoga here on Monday nights. The creative, productive energy of this place is infectious, and I want to be a part of it, forever. Forever!!!!!

However! Taking 15 credits at school and having one part-time job (at a pet-sitting company) as well as a handful of freelance jobs for creative work…and like, doing laundry and bathing…that’s a lot for a certain 19-year-old individual who enjoys at least a moment or two of chill time during her week. It’s a lot for someone who has high expectations of herself and whose main emotional struggle in life has always been a feeling of missing opportunities. It’s just a lot for someone with very little time (FYI, this person is me, you guys). I see my Starline roommates meeting with people who want to do art shows here, and I want to be a part of that conversation so bad, but I don’t have enough of myself to devote to everything I want to do. There is definitely such thing as too much of a good thing.

Anyway, if someone had told me senior year that I would be living in the East Bay with one of my best friends, I would pull out my best dramatic chipmunk impression, because that’s just too unbelievable. But it’s happening, and it’s going to be so fun, and I’m going to be so happy. Right?!?

I have a problem with trying to find the perfect anything in life. The perfect major, the perfect city, the perfect classes, the perfect cupcake flavor to give to someone I’m sucking up to (IMPORTANT). I just have this idea that there is always ONE right answer to any life question. I’m learning that it’s not true in, well, ever. Starline isn’t perfect, and living with Sara won’t be perfect, either. Obviously there are a lot of shit decisions to make in life, and sometimes you have to choose between two piles of turds, basically. Not fun. I know I’m lucky to be going from one great situation to another, and that whatever regrets I have, I’ll be having them from the kind of place I used to only dream about. ♦

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18 Comments

  • Marguerite October 19th, 2011 7:19 PM

    NO SUCH THING AS BERMUDA TRIANGLE – I LIVE IN BERMUDA AND HAVE NEVER DIED! also i love redwall! i always liked the squirrels and otters best :)

  • aliceee October 19th, 2011 7:42 PM

    REDWAAAAALL!! I totally spent all of fifth grade on the Dibbuns Against Bedtime site pretending to be a mouse. But I too succumbed to boringness…

  • Angie Bitchface October 19th, 2011 7:56 PM

    who’s never heard of Redwall? there are only 500 million books in the series.

    I’ve noticed that when I’m really stressed or upset, my dreams seem to be more vivid, like my brain is trying to distract me from real life. maybe your dreams are boring because your life is boring, like you don’t have any big goals to work towards or something. just throwing ideas out there?

    • Anaheed October 19th, 2011 8:10 PM

      I had never heard of it, and neither had Tavi! I am old but Tavi has no excuse.

  • Pippa October 19th, 2011 8:02 PM

    Redwall! I think i’m gonna have to go dig out mattimeo now.

  • Marisa October 19th, 2011 8:14 PM

    Thank you so much for reminding me about Redwall!! Soo good!

  • Sarah October 19th, 2011 8:14 PM

    I love redwall! When I was in fourth grade and my brother was in fifth, we dressed up as redwall characters for halloween. I don’t remember their names but my bro was a rabbit with a sword a shield and I was a mouse with a mace.” Trick or treat!” “Oh, what have we got here…Fighting woodland creatures….how nice…”

  • diny October 19th, 2011 9:22 PM

    katherine, i feel it too. my time is divided between uni tasks and sleep. that is so boring.

  • Bean October 19th, 2011 9:42 PM

    I love the bay area!! I graduated from high school last June and when my older sister had graduated my mom took her to Chicago because she had always wanted to go and as soon as I knew I was getting a trip for a graduation present I had said it would be California. Specifically San Francisco because I get San Fran, Oakland, Berkeley, and the big selling point, the Winchester Mystery House. It’s just so amazing there and beautiful and if I could I would go back right now. It’s greatness still exsists in my dreams though and that is good enough, for now.

  • ButterflyFeminist27 October 19th, 2011 9:49 PM

    That’s a beautiful song with a message that I really needed! Thanks so much, Naomi!

  • Maddy October 19th, 2011 10:27 PM

    I only know Redwall because this kid a few years back at my school stood up and gave a weird essay/speech about how the Redwall books changed his life and no one knew what he was talking about.

    • Anaheed October 19th, 2011 10:30 PM

      That is how I felt when I first read Katherine’s piece.

  • Hedwig October 19th, 2011 10:28 PM

    Redwall is such a good book/tv series!!!

  • isabelleisa October 19th, 2011 10:52 PM

    I LOVE that song. It’s true that being lone isn’t always bad, it can make you feel stronger.

  • epleata October 20th, 2011 7:08 PM

    Don’t worry – you will get back the time to explore and just do what you want – you just have to slog through high school, college, and your twenties. The thing people never tell you about becoming an adult is that, at a certain point, you finish all the required work to actually get where you want to be in life (i.e., high school, college, and graduate school are done, you’ve already been promoted out of entry-level positions). And then it’s all up to you. This actually happens pretty early for most people, so, as long as you don’t have kids super young, you’re free to do pretty much anything you want (and actually have the money to do it, which you lacked when you were younger). Also, once you move up high enough in your job, you can be as weird as you want and no one questions you! I know so many people talk about how awesome high school and college are, and how crappy the “real world” is, but I pretty much live exactly as I did when I was a little kid, except now I’m calling the shots. It’s truly glorious. Just wait – you’ll get it back!

  • Mom October 21st, 2011 12:37 PM

    Dylan I love your insight at the end of your post. very important thing to know and freeing to realize there is never the perfect solution at any given moment. your last line is awesome.

  • rhymeswithorange October 21st, 2011 8:49 PM

    Naomi I absolutely love your writing. It resonates so much with me!

  • Elizabeth October 22nd, 2011 4:37 PM

    I’ve had a lot of dreams about being Buffy so now I’m secretly convinced that I’m the next slayer and these are my special slayer dreams like the ones she had of her past lives in the movie. They’re the best ever.