Movies + TV

Your Teen Witch BFF

It could totally happen. Be prepared!

Sure, there is something kind of magical about the relationship you have with a close buddy. But what if that magic were real? Ever wonder what it would be like if one of your favorite teen witches were your best friend? Of course you do. Herewith, answers.

Louise Miller from Teen Witch

The lowdown: Studious, unpopular Louise Miller dreams of sexy hook-ups with football QB Brad and attends a high school populated by spastic suburban rappers and cheerleaders who are adamant about the fact that they “like boys.”

Why she’d make a good BFF: With a rub of her magic amulet, she can turn you into an awesome, not-at-all-awkward rap-battle champ. Plus, you’d get to say things like “Jeez, Louise,” “Please, Louise,” “Pass the cheese, Louise,” and “Eat your peas, Louise.” I don’t know about you, but name rhymability is one of the most important qualities that I look for in a friend.

Drawbacks: She will definitely ignore you when she uses her powers to become “the most popular girl.”
 
 

Willow Rosenberg from Buffy the Vampire Slayer

The lowdown: Willow is sweet, naive, vulnerable, and remarkably upbeat in the face of truly harrowing circumstances (vampires, demons, werewolves, Cordelia Chase). Which is why it’s so surprising when she develops a debilitating addiction to magic and gets all dark and armageddon-y.

Why she’d make a good BFF: Can you really call someone a friend if they don’t at least attempt to bring you back to life after you’ve died? If you should happen to pass on, you can count on Willow to spearhead a resurrection ceremony.

Drawbacks: When pissed off, she may transform into scary, veiny Willow, and then, blinded by rage, hurl you across a room when you ask her to chill.
 
 

Bonnie Bennett from The Vampire Diaries

The lowdown: Descended from Salem witches, psychic Bonnie resides in Mystic Falls, where vampires, werewolves, and melodrama run wild. Bonnie’s skin isn’t green, but she’s definitely “green” and has been known to drive a Prius. Oh, and she has the power of 100 dead witches, making her cooler than any of those lame-o teen enchantresses who only have the power of 98 or 99 dead witches.

Why she’d make a good BFF: She’ll listen to all of your vampire-love-triangle-evil-doppelganger drama when you tire of writing everything down in your vampire diaries. Not to mention, she’s one of the few teen witches who actually tell their best friends about their powers. Clearly, this is a girl who understands that friendship is about honesty, trust, and giving your bestie the assurance that, when shit gets real, you’re more than willing to set some stuff on fire with your mind.

Drawbacks: She might become possessed by the spirit of one of her dead, disgruntled Salem ancestors and try to kill you.
 
 

Sabrina Spellman from Sabrina, the Teenage Witch

The lowdown: Half witch, half mortal, Sabrina approaches run-of-the-mill adolescent issues (e.g., getting a C on a test) and her seemingly endless magical problems (e.g., turning classmates into pineapples), with the same cheerful, bubbly spirit. She’s pathologically incapable of heeding the spell-casting advice given by her centuries-old aunts, and the girl knows her way around a family-friendly witch pun—e.g., when wearing a baseball uniform she’s a “witch hitter” rather than a “pinch hitter” and that’s funny (sort of).

Why she’d make a good BFF: Everything is so comfortably PG-13 for Sabrina. With her, you’d get the benefit of her powers (she’s never been shy about using half-baked spells to help out her unwitting buddies) with none of the gloom and peril that so often follow those with supernatural abilities. The two of you would be able to shake your whammy fannies to the “Funky Song” in peace.

Drawbacks: Sabrina casts memory-wiping spells on her mortal friends willy-nilly and, from a neurological standpoint, there’s absolutely no way that that’s cool.
 
 

Hermione Granger from the Harry Potter series

The lowdown: Muggle-born Hermione attends Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, where she is the cleverest witch of her age. She is an overachiever and can be a bit sanctimonious, but she certainly deserves our respect and admiration for never using magic to make a boy fall in love with her.

Why she’d make a good BFF: You’d be hard pressed to find a more fiercely loyal friend. She also has an encyclopedic knowledge of pretty much everything. Wondering how to give yourself an authentic ’80s New Wave haircut? No worries. Hermione just finished reading a book on the very subject!

Drawbacks: She might try to push her house-elf-rights agenda on you and if you’re apolitical that could become annoying.
 
 

Cassie Blake from The Secret Circle

The lowdown: New girl Cassie lives in a town with an inordinate number of teen witches and an even inordinate-r number of people who want to exploit her burgeoning power. Cassie just wants to be normal, to live in a world where circles aren’t secret! Unfortunately, that just isn’t in the cards.

Why she’d make a good BFF: Despite her powers, Cassie may actually need you more than you need her. It would do her good to have a nice, well-adjusted BFF whose ulterior motives aren’t any more nefarious than, say, wanting to borrow some of her clothes.

Drawbacks: Sweet as she may be, she’ll probably ditch you. Ultimately, there’s just no competing with circles and the secrets they hold.
 
 

Nancy Downs from The Craft

The lowdown: Nancy is a psychologically unbalanced, power-hungry outsider who cleaves to her black lipstick and looks cute in a straightjacket. Also, she’s flying. She’s flying, she’s flying, she’s flying.

Why she’d make a good BFF: She’d probably share the gifts she received after invoking the spirit.

Drawbacks: Those “gifts” are a bunch of dead sharks. And you mustn’t forget, she’s almost certainly going to try to kill you. ♦

27 Comments

  • Anna F. October 11th, 2011 11:09 PM

    Oh my gosh Amber, your pieces SLAY me. And I don’t mean slay as in “chosen one born into each generation” but slay as in “I laughed so hard I probably busted an organ essential to my living.”

  • ClarisaClarity October 11th, 2011 11:12 PM

    No sardonic reference to Carrie? I’m so disappointed!

  • celestica October 11th, 2011 11:17 PM

    i had an obsession with hermione and nancy for the longest time…

  • Hunter October 11th, 2011 11:18 PM

    I’m the only teen witch BFF I need. Itch-it-a-cop-it-a, Mel-a-ka-mys-tic-a.

  • Erica October 11th, 2011 11:28 PM

    hahahhaha @ the dead sharks

  • Hannah October 11th, 2011 11:38 PM

    I CAN’T DEAL WITH THAT RAP I CAN’T MAKE IT THROUGH IT.

    • Hannah October 11th, 2011 11:41 PM

      Also this guy is not a teenager he looks maybe 32.

  • marypee22 October 12th, 2011 12:07 AM

    I have always wished Nancy Downs from The Craft would be my bff! But yeah the side effects would be catastrophic…

  • cerulean October 12th, 2011 12:11 AM

    What about Julia from The Magicians? I know it’s a book, but she is all gothed out and more awesome that any other teen witch.

  • thefawnboy October 12th, 2011 12:48 AM

    : )
    witches are awesome

    i thought about mildred hubble from the worst witch
    nostalgia with the 90s series and being strange and misunderstood as a child

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DoqvNiNKQg0&feature=related

  • thefawnboy October 12th, 2011 12:53 AM

    p.s. just realized (thanks to the power of the net goddess) that Fairuza Balk (Nancy Downs) was also Mildred Hubble in The Worst Witch TV Movie.

    http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_Q55l_ERG5SI/RyCcoEpIwZI/AAAAAAAAAVw/xpyymIhqH58/s320/WiEBalkWorstWitch.JPG}

    http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0092239/

  • scin October 12th, 2011 2:42 AM

    wouldn’t “witch hitter” be instead of “switch hitter”?

    wooo baseball!

    • Anaheed October 12th, 2011 2:48 AM

      Oh man, you’re right! I didn’t even think of that. (I know nothing about sports.)

  • timelady October 12th, 2011 5:31 AM

    I love Willow and Hermione. Both of them are smart, spirited, and powerful. Willow was like the teenage girl version of Giles. Researchers, got into magic, then dark magic, then caused mayhem (see Ethan Rayne for Giles). I don’t think Harry and Ron would’ve survived past the first book without Hermione.

  • Emma S. October 12th, 2011 7:53 AM

    Teen Witch is an all-time fave. Too, too good.

  • Filia-Zissy October 12th, 2011 11:10 AM

    I love witches and witch-related stuff. I’m “nearly wiccan”… I’m a great Harry Potter fan and I’m much like Hermione… She is kind of a fictional BFF to me. I love also Bonnie and Cassie.

    Filia
    filiasenchantingworld.blogspot.com

  • RockHatesMiriam October 12th, 2011 12:24 PM

    OMG, you don’t know how much of my childhood was spent imagining what it would be like to go to Hogwarts. and what I would say to Hermionie Granger :)
    Thanks rookie for reading my mind again ;)

    http://rockhatesmiriam.blogspot.com

  • Tessa October 12th, 2011 12:26 PM

    I LOVE Sabrina. But Salem definitely takes the cake.

    I accompanied my counterpart to his company Christmas party last year, and afterward his closer friends and I went out for drinks at this awesome underground (literally underground) little cove called, The Drawing Room in Chicago. Once we had a few, the eldest of the group leaned in towards us and told us he was Wiccan. I thought that was the coolest shit. I squealed and hugged him. It was just so left field coming from him.

    http://teafortessa.blogspot.com

  • moonchild October 12th, 2011 3:38 PM

    Hermione Granger is the best. I have cried numerous times because I could not be her friend. I literally gasped when I saw her picture! :)

    You should totally do a “literally the best thing ever” for Harry Potter! Because it literally IS the best thing ever. I am totally and completely obsessed.

    Love the article!

    http://under-a-bridge.blogspot.com/

  • Whatsername October 12th, 2011 6:51 PM

    I would LOVELOVE to have Luna Lovegood as my biffle. {from the Harry Potter series, for those of you living under a rock}
    But honestly I don’t think I could live in a single day in the world of Teen Witch without losing my sanity. Agh, that rapping.

    • beatricks October 12th, 2011 7:10 PM

      Okay, I know I just said Bonnie is the best below, but I meant of this list. Luna is actually the best of ALL TIME. Teen witches are pretty great, huh.

  • darksideoftherainbow October 12th, 2011 7:03 PM

    oh my goodness, my sister and i wore our teen witch vhs OUT!

  • beatricks October 12th, 2011 7:08 PM

    As a supposedly adult woman whose late teens were defined by Buffy & Harry Potter, and whose afternoon today was defined by watching The Secret Circle, I appreciate the crap out of this piece. But Bonnie is the best!

  • Pinkwitchcraft October 13th, 2011 2:09 AM

    I would give anything to have one of these girls be my witch BFF! Particularly Willow, she will forever be my favorite character on BTVS <3

  • radish10 October 21st, 2011 11:46 AM

    As a 90s kid I love all of these characters, clips and themes. Here’s a great 2011 Teen Witch promo for the modern witch in all of us! http://youtu.be/IleI-k1Z3-U

  • porridgegirl April 26th, 2012 9:47 AM

    Ever since the first Harry Potter film came out I have loved Hermione (and emma too), I honestly think she is one of the greatest role models and she had such a massive influence on me growing up.

  • Maya McEachern April 11th, 2013 5:49 PM

    I am sosososo happy that Willow is included! She has been my idol since I was 12! She is flawless (besides the whole dark willow/ yanking her BFF from heaven incident)