Fun

Literally the Best Thing Ever: Famous Goth Kids

We hope their parents are as proud of them as we are (i.e., very).

If you can believe it, I was a teenage goth. By senior year, I had cut my hair short and dyed it black (an ironic twist, since I spent years lightening it from my natural black color with Sun-In), was sent home from school for wearing black lace slips, jumped over walls to make out in graveyards, and drove around listening to Marilyn Manson in my boyfriend’s black Falcon. I once heard a rumor I was a lesbian witch who would conduct orgies under the full moon and people would call me “Nancy” (from The Craft). THOSE WERE SOME OF THE BEST TIMES OF MY LIFE YOU GUYS.

Though many years have passed since spiderweb fishnets were a part of my wardrobe, I find myself giddy with amusement when I see famous people embracing the dark side of life. Especially when the goth in question is the spawn of a celebrity. You have to admit, it’s pretty awesome when you realize the dark figure looming in the background of a paparazzi shot is a celebrity gothchild who wears black on the outside because black is how they feel on the inside.

So let’s take a look at some of our famous gothic brothers and sisters, shall we?

Weston Cage is the current #1 Goth Son of Hollywood. He plays in a black metal band, has a history of violence, and shows no qualms about proclaiming his love for his on-again, off-again wife on his public Facebook wall. I guess if my dad made shitty movies like The Sorcerer’s Apprentice I’d turn to the dark side as well.
 
 

You may not know this, but the one and only Cher has a goth son too. Elijah Blue is the lead singer of the synth band Deadsy. The band seems to be on a long hiatus, but we can still enjoy the duet he did with his mom of the song “Crimson and Clover.” (I’m really into it.)
 
 

The only thing that could make this picture of the Obamas with Spanish Prime Minister José Luis Rodríguez Zapatero and his goth daughters, Laura and Alba, better is if the Obama daughters were also goths and in the photo. I love these girls. I hope they still dress like this.
 
 

Although he was a fictional person, we definitely have to celebrate Mark from Home Improvement’s goth phase. How often do we get to see a prime-time sitcom character wear spiked dog collars and black lipstick? I wish more of them did this, like Topanga from Boy Meets World, That’s So Raven’s Raven and Tommy from 3rd Rock From the Sun. They could have all come together as a goth gang for a special crossover Sunday night movie!
 
 

We can’t forget the original celebrity goth children, Angelina Jolie and her brother, James Haven. Before Angelina met Brad and started their child army, she was in a serious Morticia Addams phase. I miss her this way, but I’m hoping at least one of her spawn will develop gothic tendencies. I’m putting those kids on GothWatch.
 
 

Speaking of GothWatch, I won’t be surprised if we see Harlow Ritchie-Madden dressing like this in her teen years, complete with Wednesday Addams pigtails.
 
 

But my favorite GothWatch prospect is Blanket Jackson. Elizabeth and Anaheed say he looks like a tiny Olivier Theyskens crossed with Andrew Mukamal and I had to agree! Cute enough to warm my own cold, dark heart. ♦

37 Comments

  • marypee22 October 12th, 2011 11:23 PM

    Official celebrate your Goth-ness day!

    • Marie October 13th, 2011 1:12 AM

      I just re-dyed my locks for the occasion!

  • Laia October 12th, 2011 11:38 PM

    blankettt!

  • annaphallactic October 12th, 2011 11:44 PM

    Easy on Weston Cage’s pop. He WAS in Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans, which ain’t too shabby on the angst quotient.

    • Marie October 13th, 2011 1:10 AM

      He’s the best in Valley Girl! Beautiful chest hair.

    • Jamie October 13th, 2011 1:42 AM

      i love con air

  • Chloe.Enthusiast October 13th, 2011 12:14 AM

    I’ve always wanted to be a goth when i was in my teens (i had the vibe in me) … but in our culture, goth is considered tabboo… and now ive reached my 30s and im still wondering when I will ever be a goth (urgh!)… i guess i’ll just let my kids embrace the goth without any restrictions …

  • CariStereo October 13th, 2011 12:23 AM

    I don’t see someone having a history of violence as anything to be proud about, but hey, that’s just me.

    • Marie October 13th, 2011 1:11 AM

      ME NEITHA! Those were just some “fun facts.” He’s a wild one.

  • MrPhoenix October 13th, 2011 12:25 AM

    Thank you, from the gothic pitts of my heart, for sharing Cher & Elijah ‘s Crimson and Clover.

    • Marie October 13th, 2011 1:11 AM

      RIGHT?? I’m listening again now…

  • Jamie October 13th, 2011 1:42 AM

    i didn’t even know celebrity goth children were a hobby of mine until just now and then i realized my whole life i have loved this

  • Dylan October 13th, 2011 1:42 AM

    Weston Cage just changed my life

  • Pinkwitchcraft October 13th, 2011 2:05 AM

    I loved the part about your teen goth years, they sounded like a lot of fun! I love listening to adults nostalgically recall their teen years.

  • insteadofanelephant October 13th, 2011 2:12 AM

    loves it. all black for me tomorrow.

    instead of an elephant

  • littleDani October 13th, 2011 2:31 AM

    i’m 18 and getting back into gothy vibes. i gave it a try when i was about 13 but then got sidetracked by hot topic and scenester stuff. :|

  • chloelrd October 13th, 2011 2:38 AM

    oh my god! Weston Cage is just TOO GOOD, am digging into his facebook page now and it’s hilarious… In a sad kind of way. Love the gothic daughters of the Spanish Prime Minister too.

    • CariStereo October 13th, 2011 9:49 AM

      Those daughters RULE!

  • Jenny October 13th, 2011 2:42 AM

    I had a crush on Mark from Home Improvement when he was a goth! And also when he was just a run of the mill dork. I wanted to save his dark soul with my even darker soul. Also, I cannot believe that picture of the Spanish Prime Minister’s family and the Obamas. AMAZING.

  • oriana October 13th, 2011 3:34 AM

    you forgot to talk about frances bean cobain and kingston stefani! great article though

  • Izzy October 13th, 2011 4:15 AM

    The spanish president’s kids are cool.

  • zazza October 13th, 2011 6:01 AM

    miley cyrus’s brother?

  • Emma S. October 13th, 2011 7:42 AM

    This makes my whole day.

  • Sonja October 13th, 2011 8:02 AM

    This GothWatch coverage is outstanding. Weston Cage is tops. Hands down. In Nic’s defense, i will mention he was in one good movie, Valley Girl. His look was “punk rocker-verging-on-sorta-goth”. In it, he proclaimed his love from a sleeping bag while camped out all night on his teenage love’s front lawn..he did that instead of on a Facebook wall…*WESTON*. The apples do not fall far from the trees.

  • Sonja October 13th, 2011 8:03 AM

    PS Is it just me or is Rookie getting better by the millisecond?

  • Pashupati October 13th, 2011 10:31 AM

    You HAD to post this the only day I’m wearing a full-coloured armor?!
    Anyway, that was funny as hell!

  • Ann October 13th, 2011 11:10 AM

    This is great! Love the Spanish Daughters. & All the old women in Spain are Goth, too – didnt you know?

    • Marie October 13th, 2011 2:02 PM

      YES I LOVE MANTILLAS!!!!!!!!!

    • Marie October 13th, 2011 2:02 PM

      Maybe I can wear them? I’m part Spanish ^_^

  • vanessa October 13th, 2011 1:12 PM

    dark & lovely, laura and alba are my favorite famous goth kids!

  • Amber Dawn October 13th, 2011 1:32 PM

    How can you not be Goth if your parents name you Blanket?

  • Volens October 13th, 2011 4:03 PM

    Oh my god I love this! Didn’t know Nic Cage’s son was goth. And you’re so right, Blanket is going to go down the dark, and more fun, path.
    I would consider myself mildly goth. Got made fun of in junior high for wearing a lot of black, then tried to “fit in” by wearing COLORS, eww. Now that I’m out of high school I’m embracing who I am and my love for the macabre.

  • GothicCharmSchool October 13th, 2011 6:53 PM

    Thank you so much for this post! It makes me happy to see these kids, and I hope that not all of them “grow out of” it. For some of us, Goth wasn’t a phase, we just became more refined in our ookie-spooky ways.

  • DewoftheDesert October 14th, 2011 10:35 AM

    You forgot about Gypsy ’83 starring the lovely Sarah Rue! It has an awesome soundtrack and the clothes are fantastic. Also, Kett Turton as the gay best friend is awesome… very goth dandy.

  • airheads October 15th, 2011 8:37 PM

    I have been going through my goth phase for about ten years now, and I don’t see myself growing out of it any time soon. No shame!

    Also, have you seen Tammy Faye Bakker’s son Jay? There are no words.