Movies + TV

Literally the Best Thing Ever: Criss Angel

Why I can’t help loving this 43-year-old goth magician/illusionist/songwriter/escapologist/leather enthusiast.

What is magic? Magic can be described as card tricks or optical illusions. Maybe it’s a wee bit dangerous, or a little weird, or, all too often, sort of dumb. But Criss Angel doesn’t do that normal boring-ass magic. He takes magic to THE NEXT LEVEL. He wants to FREAK your MIND a thousand times. Because he’s a goth mindfreak with a Long Island accent who wants to cut people in half in front of you. And THAT, ladies and gents, is why he is, literally, the best thing ever.

I don’t know how many times my brother and I have thrown our heads back, opened our arms wide, and screamed “MINDFREEEAK” at the sky. People will always stare at you when you scream it in a public place. Angel does everything from walking on water to levitating between buildings on his TV show (called, surprisingly enough, Criss Angel Mindfreak). But before you can fully understand his show, you need to understand Criss Angel’s aesthetic. He’s a goth dude who is really into skullz and cross bonez and fedoras. Oh, and leather. So much leather…

This bro is way cooler than I could ever be.

Criss Angel likes to reach out his hand and whisper, “Are you ready?” Criss Angel is a magician, an illusionist, a songwriter (he sings the Mindfreak theme song), and apparently an escapologist (what?!) according to his Wikipedia. Yes, Criss Angel is pretty cheesy. I mean…just look at this intro…

I like the part where he rolls by in a limo, making sure to show his bling.

Yes, a 43-year-old goth dude is a confusing concept, and Criss Angel isn’t exactly a man who should be taken too seriously. But there is something about him that is fascinating. I just cannot look away from his tricks. Even though many of them are fake, they sure do look INSANE.

How is that not the best fake magic trick you’ve ever seen? Criss Angel really doesn’t do magic, he does illusions. Sometimes he uses paid actors and actresses to make these illusions seem more real. But I just can’t help admiring how into these illusions Angel is. He takes them 100% seriously even when his viewers definitely don’t. And even when his tricks are fake, they’re still really well executed. Like his shadow trick or when he walks on water. But sometimes he just does simple card tricks like this tricky one or this one, where he makes a lot of breathing noises for no reason.

No matter how fake they are, I still love watching Criss Angel’s illusions! Even when they make me scream “OH, REALLY?!” at their obvious setups, I still watch the entire trick. And then I watch another trick, and maybe another. The point is, Criss Angel rules. How can you not love someone who calls his magic tricks “mindfreaks”?

Did I mention he is obsessed with his cat? Literally, the best thing ever.

13 Comments

  • unicorn October 19th, 2011 11:28 PM

    there was a simpsons episode of him once….called the great simpsina.

  • Minnah October 20th, 2011 12:50 AM

    And here I was thinking I was alone in my extreme love for the mindfreak. he is the BEST.

  • juliette October 20th, 2011 1:26 AM

    i admire your passion, but i have to disagree.. i can’t stand him! i’m an advocate for true illusionists, not camera trick artists.. plus his pensive yet incredibly off-putting stare doesn’t help

  • pobody October 20th, 2011 1:37 AM

    He should get together with Billy The Exterminator and make all the pests disappear hardcore.

  • Pashupati October 20th, 2011 3:42 AM

    “Did I mention he is obsessed with his cat?”
    They even share the same haircut!

  • Marguerite October 20th, 2011 6:03 AM

    have u seen the Criss Angel popcorn ad?

  • Suzette October 20th, 2011 9:15 AM

    …Does anyone else thinks he looks like a combination of Jess Mariano of Gilmore Girls and Conor Oberst of Bright Eyes?

    Mindfreak.

  • kirsty October 20th, 2011 3:50 PM

    holy crap, he’s like a real life gob bluth! except also goth. you’re right, best thing ever.

  • Geniius of love October 20th, 2011 10:19 PM

    Your all mind freaks. Lol I don’t even wear that much eyeliner anymore. To each their own I suppose.

  • rhymeswithorange October 21st, 2011 8:54 PM

    This is hilarious. MINDFREEEEAK

  • Charlotte October 25th, 2011 1:47 AM

    my brother is a magician… he had a Criss Angel phase, where Mindfreak was pretty much playing on repeat on every TV in our house. He’s since outgrown Criss, in favor of David Blaine :’( …but the Mindfreak theme song will always hold a special place in my heart.

  • Anindita Adya April 14th, 2013 9:45 AM

    I had this whole phase in my life, spanning a couple of YEARS, where I was obsessed with him and his show! I just couldn’t – and to date, cannot – explain it.
    The only way I got over it was to never watch his show again. Even now, if I happen upon his show and watch just one little card trick.. that’s all it takes. Then I have to start over with becoming un-obsessed.