Fun

Get Your Back-to-School Body!

Feel like Criss Angel with these super-sneaky tricks to play on your appetite!

It’s September! The weather’s changing, the leaves are darkening, and it’s time to say goodbye to those bikinis and short-shorts. But wait!!!! Sweater weather doesn’t mean it’s time to stop feeling bad about your body! What’s your back-to-school diet gonna be? You have one, right? Because if you don’t, you will never impress the b-o-y-s, and if you don’t snag a guy, your life will suck for as long as the last “F” in BFF!

Here are our fall dieting secrets! We don’t mind sharing them with you, you probably need them!

YOU WANT TO EAT:

 

2 slices pepperoni pizza
1 8 oz. glass of cola soft drink
1 cup mixed greens with 2 oz. ranch dressing

You’ve been working hard at school all day, usually sandwiched between the kid that smells like eggs and the girl who loves talking about her bra. All you want is to sink your teeth into a hot, saucy slice of pizza—its fluffy dough complemented by melting cheese and crisp, succulent rounds of delicious pepperoni. Paired with a light salad and all washed down with a cool, refreshing soda. But hey, girl, think of those hips! With over 800 calories, this is no meal for a true independent woman. Those rolls of dough will soon be rolls of fat!

INSTEAD, TRY:

 

A handful of saltines
1 overripe tomato
Half a string of string cheese

It’s like a pizza without eating any pizza!


YOU WANT TO EAT:

 

6 oz. grilled chicken breast
1 cup mixed vegetables
½ cup pasta with marinara sauce
8 oz. glass of milk

The classic “healthy” and “balanced” meal, right? WRONG! Don’t let all those magazines and medical professionals fool you! This meal can run up to 600 calories, changing “lasting energy” to lasting love handles. Remember, it’s not your meal that’s going to judge you at Da (the) Club (club) tonight. So instead try this Board of Health Certified Meal:*

* Note: “Board of Health” is what we call a stick we’ve drawn a stethoscope on (so cute!!).

INSTEAD, TRY:

 

1 picture of grilled chicken
1 YouTube video of someone preparing pasta
½ a celery stick
1 magazine’s “Body Issue”


YOU WANT TO EAT:

 

1 granola bar
½ cup chopped banana
1 teaspoon peanut butter
1 cup sports drink

So you’re finally taking your health seriously and preparing a nice pre-workout snack. Thank god, fatso! Just kidding about that “fatso” thing ladies, you look great! Also, fat. But LOOK OUT, ’cause that banana and peanut butter are laced with all sorts of calories and chemicals (probably).

INSTEAD, TRY:

 

1 weird thing we found on the Internet

Completely organic!

Remember, everyone—being skinny isn’t everything. In fact, personal health should always be regarded as your first priority, with weight being only one indicator of general wellbeing among many. That said, being skinny is everything. And, if you follow this simple guide, maybe someday you can be skinny enough to be happy. Just kidding! You’ll never be skinny enough! Hugs and kisses (but not the chocolate kind LOL).

138 Comments

  • Claire September 9th, 2011 3:16 PM

    This is perfect, and so, so true. A few months ago, I picked up an issue of Seventeen just for kicks and was kind of incredulous re: the section of the magazine involving Body Image. (The fact that HEALTHY body image was not mentioned is very telling, I think.)

    This reminds me of something that happened not too long ago. Since I’m super hypoglycemic, I have to eat in between passing periods at school. This guy I kinda know asked me, “How are you so thin when you eat all the f-ing time?” I must have snapped at him, because he then proceeded to ask me if I was “on the rag.” So, in short, thank you so much, Seventeen, for propagating this idiocy.

    And this kind of made my day, more or less. So thanks (:

  • Sugar September 9th, 2011 3:22 PM

    What? I don’t get this at all.

  • miriam September 9th, 2011 3:22 PM

    Okay, I skipped right to the pretty pictures at first and I was like OH HAIL NO. Glad to see it’s all in jest.

    As a Board Certified Adult, my #1 food tip for teens is to learn how to cook while your parents still buy the groceries. It’s a lot easier to learn in a fully-stocked kitchen than in a college dorm or starter apartment!

  • oriGINAlity95 September 9th, 2011 3:25 PM

    Is it bad that I was eating M&Ms while reading this? LOL I loved this article. I am seriously trying to eat healthier, which I already do for the most part… the M&M’s were a beginning of the weekend treat, okay?! Thanks for making me laugh!

  • stringbeanjean September 9th, 2011 3:25 PM

    clever

  • jennyw September 9th, 2011 3:28 PM

    yes. thank you. this ridiculousness is everything i think of when I read Glamour’s “try this instead!”

  • littleredrachelhood September 9th, 2011 3:31 PM

    amazing :) for all the talk of the “obese generation”, I see far more people at my school who are worryingly obsessed with food and dieting.

  • darksideoftherainbow September 9th, 2011 3:33 PM

    Oooo…the first pic looks DELICIOUS!! when i was in high school, pizza and salad lunch days were my absolute favorite. except i had to drink it with chocolate milk :D

  • Anne Donahue September 9th, 2011 3:35 PM

    I just about freaked out when I saw this on my Google Reader, and was all “HELL NO! What in the eff…?!”

    So I grabbed a cookie (in spite) and then actually read it, and was all “HELL YES!”

    And then I said “HELL YES!” again because the cookie I ate was extremely wonderful and went great with this brilliant post.

  • Marguerite September 9th, 2011 3:38 PM

    hilarious! i love it… but wat i dont love is wen they put the calories of menus at restaurants… REALLY?… id rather not know… as long as it tastes good rite?

  • periwinklepenguin September 9th, 2011 3:49 PM

    “Being skinny is everything? You’ll never be skinny enough?” Really?

    WTF is this article? I seriously hope this is some sick twisted joke, because it completely takes away credibility from the whole “be yourself” message of this site.

    I will now proceed to scarf down that delicious slice of pizza pictured above without any regard for this idiotic author’s suggestions.

    • Maialuna September 13th, 2011 9:46 PM

      It’s pointing out the idiocy of the media saying that this is exactly what you should be like. It’s completely facetious. A satire? I’m not sure what term should be used in this case.

    • lishbish April 15th, 2013 7:40 PM

      Bro. Think about what you’re saying and stop. THIS IS SATIRE AND I AM SORRY FOR BEING A JERK BUT GAWD

  • chelseagirl September 9th, 2011 3:52 PM

    Thanks for this article

    & I agree with the comment about menus having calories – seriously just let me enjoy my meal!

  • Kacela September 9th, 2011 3:55 PM

    This is HILARIOUS! I still have some of those Seventeen magazines. We are teenagers! I am going to eat what I want to eat SUCKAS!!!!!!

  • gogobionicgirl September 9th, 2011 3:56 PM

    Just moved into my dorm, trying to eat a less meat diet.

    but it’s so so hard

    :(

    ambar

  • Ginny September 9th, 2011 3:57 PM

    I was kind of worried when I saw this on the homepage.. but it turned out to be the greatest thing ever. It reminded me of the quote from 30 Rock:

    “Does chewing on a sponge trick your brain’s hunger center? Yes!”

    Now I shall go eat a cookie.

  • georgia September 9th, 2011 4:03 PM

    Rofl. This made my day.

  • Hazel September 9th, 2011 4:17 PM

    I can’t even begin to describe how funny I think the chicken in the picture frame is. Looks so much fancier.

  • Anna F. September 9th, 2011 4:25 PM

    I just walked outside holding my celery stick and got asked out by ALL the boys. Sorry, other ladies.

  • sararoseex3 September 9th, 2011 4:25 PM

    omg i love this. new diet plan for the year right hurr.

  • I.ila September 9th, 2011 4:27 PM

    This is seriously the best thing I’ve ever read on the internet.

  • Anna F. September 9th, 2011 4:28 PM

    @periwinklepenguin The important question is: what kinda pizza you eating?

    Actually, what is everybody’s favourite type of pizza? The whole “being a vegetarian” thing sorta makes it hard for me to eat pepperoni, but I LOVE getting broccoli pizzas with extra cheese and hot sauce. So far the only other person I know who likes this combination is my sister – we disagree on almost everything else, but this one thing reminds us that we are related.

    See also: http://1000awesomethings.com/2010/08/23/434-pizza-soulmates/

  • LoLen September 9th, 2011 4:31 PM

    Shelby, you are my fave. When are you gonna start writing for Daniel Tosh?

  • truefaux September 9th, 2011 4:47 PM

    I was confused at first. Then, I was like, that saltine tip does seem tasty.. Then, I got to the end and, Shelby, you’re adorable! So much to be unhappy about when you’re a lady. So much money to spend to plug that unhappiness!

  • Toilets September 9th, 2011 4:47 PM

    1 overripe tomato? Don’t go crazy, make that half an overripe tomato. Got to think about those cal-ah-reez.

    In other news, are all cups in America the same size? It seems so weird to have a unit of measurement based on a cup. What if you have a GIANT cup or a tiny cup?

    @Anna – Just cheese and tomato but on an English muffin instead of a pizza base! Pizza toppings are never more glorious than when they’re hugging an English muffin.

  • Hunter September 9th, 2011 4:49 PM

    hahahah this rules

  • Erica September 9th, 2011 4:49 PM

    haha this is hilar, i thought it was real and i was preparing for the hatful comments

  • rawrawrabbits September 9th, 2011 4:54 PM

    this is a joke right?:P

  • Anaheed September 9th, 2011 4:58 PM

    @rawrawrabbits: Not at all. We really do think you should eat that weird thing we found on the Internet instead of actual food.

  • junebuglove September 9th, 2011 5:03 PM

    Hehe at first I was like.. WTF? But then I laughed. This is awesome. So true. It is ridiculous what people tell you to do. I will always love pizza, and my body.

  • writeranddreamer September 9th, 2011 5:06 PM

    aww thanks rookie. this made my day.

  • Turquoise September 9th, 2011 5:07 PM

    Hehehe, that’s not a picture of an ‘overripe tomato’. That’s a sharon fruit!

  • Sunshine September 9th, 2011 5:16 PM

    I loooooooooooooveed this. Brilliant piece of satire.

  • Dylan September 9th, 2011 5:16 PM

    I’m choking this is fantastic

  • Pyxie Gwynne September 9th, 2011 5:44 PM

    “Just kidding! You’ll never be skinny enough!”

    I DIE.

  • unicorn September 9th, 2011 5:56 PM

    you have got to be kidding me.
    we have no time to be watching youtube videos of someone making pasta when we SHOULD be working off those saltine crackers we ate.
    think of all those calories we consumed by eating those saltines! not to mention the cheese.

  • periwinklepenguin September 9th, 2011 6:03 PM

    Whew… Thank god this is a joke. Hahah when other magazines publish food advice like this and they’re not kidding it makes me want to throw their nonfat mystery nonmeat in their face :) not that anything is wrong with nonmeat…

  • Shelby Fero September 9th, 2011 6:06 PM

    @periwinklepenguin A joke, yes. SICK?! You insult me! My jokes are in perfect physiological condition!

    Thank you to everyone for reading this – don’t forget using your brain burns tons of calories! (But don’t use it too much – boys don’t like smart girls LOLOLOLOLOL)

    Sincere note: Being healthy and happy is the most important thing to strive for. Also puppies.

  • starday September 9th, 2011 6:24 PM

    Yes Turquoise, that’s a sharon fruit, not a tomato.

  • Dani September 9th, 2011 6:34 PM

    I totally respect this telling us healthier alternatives n stuff. Too bad I’m never gona give up penutbutter and bananas
    (props to gwen stefani for forevering teaching me how to spell bananas)

  • Lilja September 9th, 2011 6:37 PM

    thank you. this says what i’m too scared to!

  • fullmetalguitar September 9th, 2011 6:38 PM

    I feel bad for the person who doesn’t get that this is a joke… mostly because I thought it was hilarious and instead of laughing that person sat around sadly and angrily and that’s no way to spend any of your time :( In other news I usually like to be vaguely aware of what I’m eating, so I can be healthy and energetic instead of whatever it is I am now (SUPER LAZY AND CREAKY) but magazines now a days play too much on our insecurities rather than really helping people find a healthy eating style :/ I hope at some point Rookie makes a followup to this humorous article with delicious secret recipes that aren’t super difficult to make~ Any chef contributors?

  • Dani September 9th, 2011 6:40 PM

    Haha but it is funny how it’s poking fun at other magazines made for teenage girls:)

  • oriana September 9th, 2011 7:11 PM

    HAHAH

    If anyone DOESN’T understand the blatant sarcasm dripping from this article, then please acquire a sense of humor…

  • Katie September 9th, 2011 7:13 PM

    This is the best.

  • montea September 9th, 2011 7:25 PM

    It doesnt exactly seem like you’re joking. And that’s not an indictment. I think this blog is layed out to death. But Rookie, and its progenitive blog, StyleRookie, seem to be primarily interested in bringing the culture of (vintage) fashion to a nuclear tween audience, as surrounded by concentric circles of niche/adult/industry readers. However Rookie’s approach to young womens’ lifestyle seems to be posited through the lens of fashion, and though however comically, therein lies the conflict. Its just the wrong industry to cull health/nutritional info from. The joke you’re making is the bane of many existences. You’re a great writer but posturing nonetheless. There wasn’t anything constructive or educational underneath the negative humor, and all the models you post look like they pretty much follow your diet advice.

    xo

  • broguishrogue September 9th, 2011 7:31 PM

    at first, i was definitely peeved, but then i realized i just got trolled and virtually rolled around in delight. luv it<3

  • SoftlyRaining September 9th, 2011 7:42 PM

    This piece was awesome!!

    I love real food, i.e. non-processed home cooked food with fat and sugar and calories. I like real butter and eggs and ice cream. Of course I also love peas, broccoli, berries, and so much more. No one will make me starve myself to look a certain way or to make other people happy.

  • Whatsername September 9th, 2011 7:44 PM

    laaiiik ohmygosh u guys r genious ill go try this now

    ..LOL. Oh man, you know, when I read the title I actually thought it was legit, I was so confused. You guys rock!

  • sophiew September 9th, 2011 7:46 PM

    oh you joking joker. that overripe tomatoe is a persimmon!

  • Suzette September 9th, 2011 8:00 PM

    This is the greatest thing I have ever read.

  • Vikki September 9th, 2011 8:29 PM

    I have to admit, I didn’t know it was a joke at first. But now that I do, it is pretty darn hilarious…

  • Pashupati September 9th, 2011 8:31 PM

    I live near a pizzeria but I can’t really differentiate the things… I just let my mother or whoever choose. I must say, most of the time I don’t have the money, so I don’t remember the name of the pizza a long time. (if I had the money, I think I’d choose the cheapest one)
    I prefer kebabs, anyway.
    I’ve a proposition similar to fullmetalguitar’s: could someone here does an article proposing things to eat, ideas of quick easy recipes? (other than mine which is frozing micro-waved chocolate in a mold)
    I sometimes go out, and I usually chose the same things: hot viennois chocolate with marshmallows if possible, pain au chocolat, fruits, elsass cola or a coke or energy drink and patato chips or other stuffs. And Haribo gelatine things, and these Sugarland things.
    Even in coffee shops, that’s what I take.
    There are stuffs that exist I don’t even know.
    My mother knows how to cook, but she always start baking alone after a few… casualties.

  • AmandaLouiseHobba September 9th, 2011 8:45 PM

    You make me laugh :D

  • AmandaLouiseHobba September 9th, 2011 8:58 PM

    A tip to those who took this seriously – learn to laugh at the things you dont agree with, especially when they are obviously quite ridiculous! ;)

  • AmandaLouiseHobba September 9th, 2011 9:00 PM

    Have I mentioned that I am completely in love with this mag? Just thought I’d pass the word on :X

  • burn-your-flesh September 9th, 2011 9:01 PM

    I have been craving pasta ALL day and that picture of pasta is killing me.

  • juliabooks September 9th, 2011 9:13 PM

    This is really funny I got the joke and “LOL”ed , but I don’t think this is getting the point across. This is a site for girls and they are at an age and in a society where bad images of what is “okay to eat” are plastered everywhere. What we need is a realistic picture of what is healthy and what isn’t. Sure it may be boring to say “you need blah blah ounces of grains…” but if whoever wrote this was clever enough to do so, I think they could do a good job doing something more “accurate”. And some people just don’t understand sarcasm at all.

  • airheads September 9th, 2011 9:52 PM

    This made me laugh obnoxiously, which is kind of a problem, since I am at work.

    On the real though, that “pizza without any pizza” recipe actually sounds pretty tasty!

  • littleDani September 9th, 2011 10:23 PM

    LOL seriously, this is the kind of advice that is forced onto girls our age by magazines and tv and i’m so glad you made a satire of it because this is simply amazinngggg

  • quodmenutritmedestruit September 9th, 2011 11:06 PM

    I’m sure this is “supposed” to be a positive article and such, but i have had anorexia for the past 7 years. I still have it today and I am 16 years old going into junior year in high school. Eating like this whether or not this article was serious IS NOT healthy NO ONE should eat that little… ever! 600 calories per meal is quite normal. After reading this article i cried for about an hour especially reading the following line “Just kidding! You’ll never be skinny enough! ” I even self harmed. I hate myself, and thanks to this i feel useless, unworthy, fat. Things like this in the media are why I still have my eating disorder. I thought Rookie mag was supposed to be a fun, cool, interesting website with a more feminist outlook on things. or at least a healthy one. i mean what you write about just isn’t real. i’m sorry if this offends you but i just really wanted you to know how much this article truly hurt me.

  • Karen September 9th, 2011 11:13 PM

    For a minute there the satiric element didn’t register w/ me and I was about to cry.

    Then I saw the framed chicken.

  • Malu September 9th, 2011 11:30 PM

    Can one burn calories by repeatedly licking the picture of the pizza?

  • elfie September 9th, 2011 11:41 PM

    I’m glad I can count on Rookie to keep it real. Sitting around with a bunch of fifteen year old girls whining about their non-existant flab all day makes it nice to get a reminder of how stupid some of this body image stuff is.

  • Anaheed September 10th, 2011 12:15 AM

    Hey quodmenutritmedestruit: I’m so sorry that this humor piece triggered you. That’s a hard thing about comedy, I think — if it touches on something that’s personally painful it’s hard to see the humor in it. Please know that we mean this just as a laugh, and to point out, from a feminist point of view, the ridiculousness of the magazines articles that say this kind of shit for real. The meals that Shelby is presenting as the “befores” are purposely normal meals — the kinds of things that women’s/girl’s magazines often act horrified by. I hope if you look at it again with that in mind it will seem slightly amusing to you. And if not, again, I wish we hadn’t helped you feel bad about yourself. xoxoxo

  • Shelby Fero September 10th, 2011 12:32 AM

    @quodmenutritmedestruit (and anyone else in this situation.) I abhor the way food is portrayed by women’s magazines. I cannot stand the way health and nutrition are treated and I am so sorry that this could have caused you pain. None of this article is to be taken seriously except for the fact that this type of language and attitude (used and taken seriously by many teen magazines) is ridiculous and upsetting. I can’t stress how sorry I am for hurting you, and I hope you know that it is not the intention of the article.

  • iWantLovely September 10th, 2011 12:55 AM

    I really hope no one takes this seriously. That said, it is a pretty well done parody. :)
    <3Lovely

  • stellar September 10th, 2011 1:08 AM

    love the ridicule of body-denying diets…we wouldn’t have taste buds if we weren’t meant to enjoy eating!!

  • stellar September 10th, 2011 1:09 AM

    p.s. u *are* your body, so anything that denies your right to do what u want with it, denies u!!

  • RaeIsAPerson September 10th, 2011 2:33 AM

    I understand what you’re going for here, and do think this is funny if you’re approaching it from the context of already having a relatively positive relationship with food and your body, but without that context, it might be difficult to acknowledge the alternative diet suggestions and body-shaming here as joking. When I was still struggling with disordered eating, I probably would have read this and thought, “Pizza without actual pizza! What a great idea! Eight-hundred calories is too large for one meal! Looking at chicken is an acceptable substitute for eating chicken!” and so forth, even while understanding that I was supposed to be interpreting it satirically. If the exaggeration were pushed further, that might not a problem, but as it stands, a lot of this piece reads like something I wouldn’t be surprised to see published with complete seriousness on a pro-anorexia site or even in one of the magazines it sets out to mock. Too much of the satire here is dependent on readers’ familiarity with Rookie’s mission statement.

  • brontefacey September 10th, 2011 2:56 AM

    I agree with quodmenutritmedestruit…this article was not a positive way to get the message across.

    This article turns a very complex issue – our relationship to food – into a simple us vs. them (you care about what you eat = you unfeminist, unempowered, media-controlled puppet, or you eat all the pizza you want = cool, independent feministy you).

    The REALITy, this blog is about real stuff, right? is that teens are a diverse group with eating disorders, diabetes, gluten allergies, etc. And it is important to get in touch with our bodies..with ourselves (not from a magazine, and not from a shaming rookiemag.com post). Your satire doesn’t offer that, unfortunately.

    I think every one agrees that the media has a hold on what is beautiful, what is socially acceptable, and what is “skinny” – and you, rookiemag, as a young feminist teen blog with TONS of potential, should tackle issues with more nuance…not a tired play on what the media perpetuates (we know that measuring ourselves with these standards does not make us happy, no need for LOL)

    What we need is a positive discussion about body image. about note giving a fuck in a giving-a-fuck-centered world. I don’t know about you…but I definitely fall in between the not-giving-a-fuck and the giving-a-fuck…I’m not perfect. and calling out anyone who does give a fuck is kind of insensitive. not everyone is a puppet..I’m a feminist who had an eating disorder..and it was because of a lot of other factors..not because I cared what my peers thought of me.

    ..I’m kind of disappointed in this, but I’m excited to see this site blossom. maybe I’m too old too (21), and maybe I no longer fall within the target audience, but this writing really shows a lack of maturity.

    • Tavi September 10th, 2011 8:49 AM

      @brontefacey — This is our first week of the site. It is by no means the only or last (or to me, even a first, since it’s not supposed to be substantiative) piece of a conversation about this problem. It was not meant to be Us vs. You or victim-blame or make girls who have struggled with this feel weak and unfeminist. It was making fun of the game, the magazines who say this kind of stuff seriously, NOT the player. This post was comedy and satire, and clearly not meant to be a roundtable that gets to the bottom of body image.

      If Rookie is supposed to reach a lot of people, not everything on this site can be a hard-hitting search for truth. We hope to be alive for a long time and can’t tackle everything all at once. Also, it would be really helpful if the adults who are commenting with ideas of more effective ways to get the “message” across could understand that there’s a difference between what you think you would’ve needed as a teenager, as an adult, and what teenagers will actually listen to. I know a lot of people are excited about this place to tap into the minds of impressionable young people, and I know it’s with good intentions, but we work really hard to make sure we can be effective, and we have learned that that requires a balance between the real life content and the more fun stuff.

  • Anjelica September 10th, 2011 3:14 AM

    oh hahah this is hilarious! I think people need to lighten up a little, this is so obviously NOT telling you to eat internet food…come on guys. Great article!

  • Sugar September 10th, 2011 3:20 AM

    Yeah, I’m with quod. I feel like this was a big misfire.

  • Shelby Fero September 10th, 2011 4:56 AM

    @RaeIsAPerson I don’t think we could have pushed the satire much harder without it being too ridiculous.

    I love that people are responding to this! Frankly I feel the responses along the lines of “it hits too close to home for satire” – which is what I really think is the problem for some people here – helps to prove our point that this is a dangerous way for other teen mags (magazines [HUMOR!]) to portray “healthy” diets.

  • esserette September 10th, 2011 8:29 AM

    I just think it’s kind of a pointless article, sorry. Both sides of what it’s trying to portray are two extremes. Eating healthy, however, is awesome. Eating whatever you feel like (or whatever a ‘diet’ tells you), is not.

  • Anjelica September 10th, 2011 10:18 AM

    I personally think this is a great article that is making fun of the MEDIAS portrayal of diet rather than the victims and yeah, not everything needs to be deadly serious. I was thinking that perhaps on articles like this maybe there could be a small disclaimer or something at the top? Just so then people know that the article may trigger unwanted feelings or emotions especially those suffering with eating disorders etc. etc. Then it’s at the readers discretion whether or not to read on and articles like this can be up without offending people! Just a suggestion!

  • quodmenutritmedestruit September 10th, 2011 10:36 AM

    yeah i’m sorry for freakin’ out.

    i love sarcasm and dry humor.

    i was just in a bad place yesterday, and when i retreated to rookie mag last night to cool my blues i was just taken aback and took the article literally.

    this is in fact a well written funny article, and i understand with comedy you have to know it’s gonna bother someone. so i totally get that. it wasn’t me freaking out about the authors. you guys rock! the content was just a little weird with me especially considering how eating disorders are such a big issue right now. I dunno maybe a side note or something saying that this is not to be taken seriously? that may be annoying to do or whatever but i just know girls who would take this 100% serious.

    i still love your website!! hope you guys don’t hate me for my critique i just felt like i needed to put it out there so you knew what was good!

    ivyivy.tumblr.com

    much love to you all! xoxoxo

  • ReneeRevolution September 10th, 2011 10:58 AM

    This is great. But the sad thing is, if it weren’t for the blatant sarcasm, this could probably be found in any handful of magazines. It’s sad there is so much emphasis put on weight and appearance these days, but I think that’s really what this article is saying.

  • Ro September 10th, 2011 11:25 AM

    I’m really hoping this is sarcasm. I spend all of my days trying to keep people away from crazy eating ideas like this. The worst diet offender is smoothies. No, they won’t make you skinny.

    Also, that overripe tomato in the first entry is not a tomato. It’s a persimmon.

  • annie m. September 10th, 2011 11:59 AM

    the overripe tomato is a persimmon. the leaves of the persimmon are prettier and make better accessories/collage material than the common tomato. also the insides taste like fruit pudding and that is no way to diet!

  • limegreensunset September 10th, 2011 1:22 PM

    oh my god, this is brilliant.

  • alix September 10th, 2011 5:12 PM

    is this saracstic?

  • cassy September 10th, 2011 5:38 PM

    When i first started reading this i was confused. once i saw the framed chicken though i kindof understood. However eating disorders are very comman in todays world and the way that you approached this article was very callous. I know that this is supposed to show the ridiculousness of todays media “perfect size” image but this manner is hurtful. I thought this was supposed to be a teenage magazine. This is the first article i have read on rookie, and i must say that i am disappointed. I want to read a few more aarticlest to see if it gets better.

  • innogen September 10th, 2011 5:43 PM

    First I was like- Rookie, I am dissapoint.

    Then I lol’d.

  • Sugar September 10th, 2011 6:45 PM

    Why are the people who run the site defending something so fiercely when it HURT people?

    I’m a fan of the site, but this hurt some people and your response is sort of a half apology rooted in defence.

    From an authors response to a similar situation::

    “Fortunately for me, something clicked that night. Because at some point, while I back and forthed and obnoxiously tried to prove my point, I realized that I was not dealing with butthurt. These people weren’t reflexively offended on behalf of someone they didn’t know. These people were actually wounded by something I had done. And I was mortified. And I took it down.

    One of the things that stuck with me from that thread was an interaction I had with one of the angrier people posting. I protested that context matters, and he said it did not. He said, “If you stepped on my foot and you did it by accident, it would not hurt less than if you did it on purpose.” I thought that was ignorant of course, because hurting someone purposely is very different than accidental harm.

    But I’ve come to see that there is, in fact, truth in that statement, and that truth is simply this:

    YOUR context doesn’t matter.”

  • Anaheed September 10th, 2011 6:59 PM

    Hi, Sugar. You bring up an interesting point here, and I’m going to speak for myself (I have no idea if Shelby agrees) here and say that yes, it’s true that when you’re hurt, you’re hurt. But what you’re suggesting — that anything that hurts EVEN ONE PERSON should be taken down and never see the light of day again — is a really dangerous idea. Think about it. Every book you’ve ever read and loved has offended SOMEbody, and probably even hurt someone. This is especially true with comedy. I’m sure that every comedian you like has had someone in some crowd come after them and say “I wish you wouldn’t have made a joke about ___. My sister/wife/cousin/self has suffered because of that, and it really hurt me to hear you joking around about it.”

    You know that movie Election? It’s hilarious, right? I knew someone who was having an affair with her best friend’s boyfriend (I KNOW) and when she saw it she cried and was like “How could they make fun of something as painful as people having affairs like that?” Did most people interpret the movie the way she did? No. Does that make her feelings invalid? Of course not. But her feelings shouldn’t dictate whether anyone ever gets to watch and enjoy Election again.

    Satire exists to point out what is ridiculous in the culture. I value it very much, and I think that what Shelby is doing here is actually a socially valuable thing — if someone reads this, the next time they see a list of ridiculous “diet” substitutions in a women’s or girl’s magazine, they might be quicker to laugh at it and discount it, rather than take it to heart.

    That is why I am defending this piece so fiercely. Yes, it’s a joke, and for fun, but it’s also important. Making fun of things that have permeated girls’ psyches and made them feel bad about themselves takes away some of those things’ power. That is something we want to continue to do at Rookie.

    I am really glad we’re having this conversation!

    Respectfully,
    Anaheed

  • iris September 10th, 2011 8:34 PM

    ummm… that tomato looks awfully like a tomato…?

  • iris September 10th, 2011 8:34 PM

    wait no… the tomato looks awfully like a persimmon… sorry:P hah

  • punkius September 10th, 2011 8:42 PM

    I was totally believing this until it said a picture of grilled chicken. It was funny because I was thinking “damn, I would still be hungry after eating saltines and cheese.”

  • punkius September 10th, 2011 8:43 PM

    @Claire the problem is you are reading Seventeen, which is made for the rare and exotic species of teenager which only exists on tv.

  • Sugar September 10th, 2011 9:12 PM

    I never said it should be taken down, just that the apologies were not very heartfelt.

  • Anaheed September 10th, 2011 9:47 PM

    @Sugar: I regret that I didn’t get this across strongly enough: I am truly sorry that quodmenutritmedestruit was hurt, or that anyone was hurt. It was absolutely unintentional, as I hope everyone knows.

  • EveyMarrie September 10th, 2011 9:58 PM

    I wanted to wait and read the comments before I put in any word. I thought this was friggin hilarious. I was confused at first but when I got to the second part, I was like “THIS IS AMAZING OMFG!” haha

    And I feel bad for the people who were hurt by it :( It really was just a joke, but I guess I understand if people were upset because they either didn’t get it or they took these words seriously. Someone who may suffer with an eating disorder could look at this and be offended.

    It reminds me of when I used to do the “myspace scenewhore” thing (when you get like 5BILLIONZZZZ friends) and I was part of a “train” that was called “Bulimia Kids.” The person who created it said it was just a lyric from a song (s)he liked, but later on, I got a message from one of my “friends” who got offended by the name of it. She asked if I had bothered to look at her page (which hadn’t at that point). She was struggling with bulimia and thought the name was some sick joke towards her and other kids with eating disorders.

    Later on, I discovered after two weeks of this train existing, the owner posted that he was changing the name due to messages of people finding the name offensive and insensitive.

    Just like this article, it’s wasn’t made to intentionally harm others (while this article clearly has a message compared to me and other people getting “friends”). I just hope anyone else who reads the article understands it’s just a parody of real life eating suggestions from magazines.

  • holly94nr September 10th, 2011 11:47 PM

    I definitely agree with RaeIsAFace and bounceyface. I actually found this article quite inappropriate. I felt it makes fun of people who do go on dieting, are insecure about their weights, or who have an eating disorder. I do not think this was a respectful or funny way to approach this topic. Many women who are insecure about their bodies might take this to heart. Next time, try to be more sensitive. Try to build people up through real writing instead of tearing them down with sarcasm. Rookie, I wish you would have been more careful to post this.

  • Vicious Kitty September 11th, 2011 12:20 AM

    Wow, I love how most of the commentors didn’t get this article at all. *Eyeroll*
    Great article with great cheeky humor! As someone who’s beginning to get obsessed with what I’m eating, it’s refreshing to take a step back and laugh at myself.

  • dixxxie September 11th, 2011 12:33 AM

    hhahahaha, love this.

    i think it’s safe to say pasta is the best kind of health food.

  • teetz September 11th, 2011 12:48 AM

    perfection!

  • Anaheed September 11th, 2011 12:58 AM

    But let’s focus on the real controversy here. IS IT A TOMATO OR A PERSIMMON????

  • alienshe September 11th, 2011 5:24 AM

    I propose that the tomato is not a tomato at all, but a persimmon! I am basing this on the decidedly persimmon-like colouring and wide stem bit on the top.

  • burn-your-flesh September 11th, 2011 12:49 PM

    I feel a little awkward with the fact that some people don’t get it.

  • ichewmylips September 11th, 2011 1:02 PM

    haha i know this post wasn’t actually being serious and all, but i can’t help but notice that the picture of the “overly ripe tomato” is actually a picture of a persimmon fruit =P don’t know if that was placed there on purpose…but yeah. By the way, persimmons are really healthy!

  • milk princess September 11th, 2011 3:55 PM

    I feel silly now.. I consider myself a feminist but i read Seventeen magazine every now and again, in fact I have a subscription to them…

    Also, def. a persimmon

  • diana94 September 11th, 2011 4:43 PM

    omg i love this article

  • Lib September 11th, 2011 6:28 PM

    Eating simple things (such as fruits, vegetables, fish, etc, that are organic without anything added) is nothing less than a pleasure from the moment you eat ’til the digestion (and, of course, it’s economic to stop buying all the junk).
    To paraphrase Dostoievski, it’s disturbing seeing all those people eating badly and then wait for the doctor to fix them.
    Anyway, I’m still wondering if this article was pure demagogy that tries to dethrone the actual canon of beauty by attacking it, or a parody of those articles against diets that we find in other magazines that advice us eating unhealthy things such as milk, cheese, bread, cereals, etc.

  • Pashupati September 11th, 2011 7:07 PM

    Maybe you should put trigger warnings (as a “side note”, but on top of such articles), like on Geek Feminism.
    Also, I think you should maybe put better descriptions of the pictures in alt-texts, so people needing screen readers could get it in the first time. I mean if it reads “foodsix”, you don’t know that the weird thing found on the Internet can’t be eaten and may think it’s some of these pills they try to sell on some websites and the authors think we should eat these. The last picture of “the weird thing found on the Internet” was what really said “it’s a joke, a parody”. (in fact I don’t think it would have been ridiculous if you pushed it farther, and it would have made the point more obvious, it’s not that article who would have been ridiculous: it’ll have shown the parodied ones were.)
    I know it may be difficult for a visual heavy website, usually you can ask yourself “What is necessary to know is (in the) image so our point get accross?” or in fashion-related articles “What detail did we want to show?” or “How would the outfit be described in a novel/journalistic description? What is more important, the textile or the colors?…” (mainly deconstructing what you notice first and last and through)
    Well, maybe it’s a petty suggestion at this point (since it’s only the beginning of the webzine and you’re still working on other aspects of it and figuring things out and stuffs), but I think the website will be easier to visit for some readers.

  • freena September 11th, 2011 7:50 PM

    This was great. Although that picture isn’t of a tomato, but a persimmon.

  • Shelby Fero September 11th, 2011 8:05 PM

    I cannot even begin to express my embarrassment over this tomato/persimmon debacle.

    • Jamie September 14th, 2011 7:36 PM

      a thinner person would not have made this mistake. shame on you

  • Clarabellum September 11th, 2011 9:36 PM

    Um… you’re my favorite. But I’d like you more if you were skinnier!
    Jk. body image rulez.
    (unless you want that cute boy to like you)

  • Bean September 11th, 2011 9:40 PM

    It seems like the last picture is of a super zoomed koosh ball. Delicious!!

  • Rach September 11th, 2011 9:46 PM

    I think the overripe tomato may be a persimmon, that is to say, a delicious and sugary fruit cleverly disguised as a bland and calorically-safe veggie. And you people call this a diet…

  • Rach September 11th, 2011 9:47 PM

    Darn it, I just saw the persimmon debacle has already been exposed. Well, I suppose you can’t be chastened enough.

  • Rach September 11th, 2011 9:51 PM

    Also, yes, I’ve cribbed the lovely word debacle from my poor predecessor Shelby, in a manner not entirely unreminiscent of your efforts to appropriate persimmons for the greater tomato genre.

  • joenjwang September 11th, 2011 10:52 PM

    I love how that picture of an “overripe tomato” is actually a persimmon. I know my fruits.

  • Infanta September 11th, 2011 11:36 PM

    Does anyone else think it would be funny if the persimmon gripes were all from a single person with many usernames?

  • Anaheed September 12th, 2011 12:05 AM

    @Infanta: Yes.

  • paigette September 12th, 2011 1:09 AM

    I’m surprised at all the hostile comments. I’ve also suffered with an eating disorder for the past 7 years (I’m 22), and I thought this article was AWESOME. It’s clearly making fun of the people who push these ideas on to us, not the victims who suffer from them, and it made me feel great! Plus I laughed, duh.

    Also, I thought it was actually a very mature approach– I was pleased that the author didn’t push the satire to a self-referential level, but rather trusted her readers to be clever enough to figure it out for themselves.

  • Shelby Fero September 12th, 2011 3:14 AM

    @paigette that is one of the best compliments I have ever received

    @infanta yes.

    It’s a persimmon not a tomato !!!! wait shit oops am I still logged in as Shelby???

  • inlimbo September 12th, 2011 5:24 AM

    I agree with Pashupati you should have put a trigger warning on this. I have an eating disorder and found this to be very triggering… I know this is meant to be satire and if not for the eating issues I suffer from I am sure I would have found it to be very funny. Something you should know is that each and everyone one of these tips could have very easily been found on a “bad website/blog” (bad being a stand in term because I do not want people who don’t know the terms looking them up online.) to promote not just simply unhealthy eating habits but deadly ones. Sadly I wouldn’t be shocked if these tips have been taken out of context are being used now on these “bad websites”. I know the internet is big scary place and if don’t like I can go click big red x… But this being website for young women and well I feel like you need to be a tad bit more careful with something that can be so triggering. So hopefully you shall keep this in mind for the future. Also I sorry for any spelling and grammar mistakes on my part along with.

  • inlimbo September 12th, 2011 5:33 AM

    The fact I am sure That it is a Persimmon and not a Tomato

  • Minna September 12th, 2011 12:57 PM

    Dear Rookie and dear readers and people who write comments!

    I love how this article started a discussion about unhealthy body images, screwd articles in girls’/womens’ magazines, the difficulties of satire and, above all, the difference between tomatoes and persimmons. I think that apart from telling a story or presenting an opinion articles should make people think and discuss them – which came definitely true here.

    Great article, great website and most importantly: great readers!

  • caliente September 12th, 2011 2:32 PM

    i haven’t read all the comments bellow so i don’t know if someone already have noticed but on a picture where it suposed to be a TOMATO is a KHAKI also called “japanese apple”. thanks

  • Turquoise September 12th, 2011 3:19 PM

    I like that now, from reading the comments, we have learned four names for the orange fruit in the picture:

    - Sharon Fruit
    - Persimmon
    - Kaki
    - Japanese Apple

    (More calories than an apple, but very tasty and nutritious).
    Yay Rookie Mag for being so educational. :D

  • unicorn September 12th, 2011 8:23 PM

    i feel really bad.
    i legitimately thought that it was an overripe tomato, although according to some of these people it is a random non tomato.
    and i am deeply hurt that rookie would put up such a terribly false picture.
    i demand a full apology, and possibly a cookie.
    make that a framed picture of a cookie. gots to be watching those cah-lah-reez!

  • RainbowBlues September 13th, 2011 10:58 AM

    Hey! I love this! I always look at the “Try This Instead”s in my mum’s magazines and I’m like, okay, but I’d rather have the doughnut.

    What’s worse is the “Do This Exercise, Eat This Stuff” because it’s like, do I really want to do all that just to drink my coke/starbucks/hot chocolate?

  • runnerchik399 September 13th, 2011 8:35 PM

    I think it is ridiculous that you are mocking healthy eating. I think you just have you thoughts in the wrong place and are just trying to be witty. I actually enjoy eating healthy. Most people don’t eat saltines and a tomato and think it’s taking the place of a pizza. I was excited to read this article because I thought it had real ideas for healthy food. If you are creating a site for teens, maybe you should include real meal ideas.

  • Maialuna September 13th, 2011 9:40 PM

    This is so true. You know, if the media wasn’t obsessive over being skinny, the rate of anorexia would drop a lot. Even though it is a medical condition, this contributes to it so much.

    This website makes me feel so happy. It makes me remember that there are people in this world who shares the same beliefs as me.

  • erly September 13th, 2011 11:03 PM

    @Montea – So you mean to say big girls can’t enjoy fashion, or have a sense of style because models are skinny?

    Maybe you instead should have suggested finding some girls with cameras and aspiring photography dreams to send in street style shots, so that the images are their peers… But since you didn’t, I’ll claim that idea for myself :P

    Even so, I still can’t hate on some vintage teen magazine scans. I bet you plenty of teen girls have checked that ish out at the library anyway.

  • ShelleN September 14th, 2011 7:34 PM

    I didn’t read all the comments, so I’m not sure if this was already mentioned, but. . .ladies, the second sentence lets you know it’s a joke:

    “Sweater weather doesn’t mean it’s time to stop feeling bad about your body!”

    No serious article would ever print that. I think the author did a great job of using subtle humor to start a conversation on body image.

  • kayce. September 15th, 2011 8:03 AM

    firstly, that’s a persimmon, not an overripe tomato. *rolls eyes*

    secondly, is it possible to have a space for girls that DOESN’T talk about diets?!? body shaming ftl.

    how about doing a piece on body positivity? or one which talks about every person’s right to do whatever they damned well please with their body ~ even if it’s not “healthy”? or, here’s a really radical suggestion, how about tell girls that their best back to school body is the one they take BACK TO SCHOOL? all bodies are good bodies, and girls don’t have to control their appetite if they don’t want to.

    want some pizza? soda? sweets? EAT IT, LOVE IT, AND GO STRAIGHT RIOT GRRL ON ANYONE WHO TRIES TO SHAME YOU INTO SALAD. :))

  • lauren.irene September 15th, 2011 9:14 AM

    Yay! This is such a lovely article!

  • kitterfly September 18th, 2011 2:54 AM

    this is absolutely HILARIOUS. while clarifying that this article is satire might make it more easily received, the lack of a “just kidding!” punchline really hit home with me. many of my acquaintances think i’m a horrible, horrible person due to the fact that i tend to communicate in solid blocks of sarcasm, generally so heavy and long-lasting that there’s nothing distinguishing it from serious statements.
    so this was really, REALLY fabulous to read!
    i’m super excited to see how a website made (mostly) by girls my age FOR girls my age will pan out.

  • jayd September 20th, 2011 6:58 AM

    it’s awkward that i just googled persimmon to find out what it was

  • pastry-fairy September 20th, 2011 10:52 AM

    I found it funny, but I can see how it could be problematic to anyone with an eating disorder. Perhaps in such cases a simple solution would to be to start the article with a trigger warning to allow some sensitivity towards those it may affect.

  • Katzemuse April 1st, 2013 8:33 PM

    AND THIS IS WHY I LOVE ROOKIE.